Dallas, Texas is a unique city. It’s full of urban cowboys, tech companies, Stetson wearing millionaires and other assorted folk. With a warm climate and the “Don’t Mess With Texas” attitude, Dallas is home of football fans, cultural events and numerous outdoor activities that attract everyone from the most sedate laid back old timers to the weird and wonderful.
Dallas gained notoriety in popular culture from the TV show of the same name, that had everyone wondering “Who Shot J.R” and gave the impression that everyone in Dallas wears evening gown during the day, while lounging around the mansion. There are some mega-rich residents that do that; however, like any other city there are oddballs that are looking to buy, sell, hire, and barter on America’s marketplace, Craigslist.
The Craigslist Dallas listings include some of the craziest postings you can find.
This For Sale Ad seems normal enough, Beautiful like new wedding dress by brides elegance sz 5-6 or trade – $180; however, the picture attached makes it quite weird. It looks like a headless woman sitting in a chair modeling the dress in a mysterious dark setting. The dress is gorgeous, but why doesn’t the bride have a head? The side angle pose of the headless dress in the chair is even weirder.
No Pay, But Brains May Be Included
In the Gigs listing, someone is advertising for Wanted: Zombie Slaves! (Actors & Actresses to Play Them!). To get this non-paying gig you have to convince the poster that you can pretend you are under mind control. What he wants is a video of the man or woman saying, “Yes, Master. I am your slave. I hear and obey.” (Don’t look into the camera!). Groups may apply as “I love having multiple victims in the video, or even a victim and mind controller!” The maker of this film is counting on getting lots of clicks on YouTube for his undead masterpiece so actors who give their time for nothing can look forward to lots of exposure.
Give Candy to Your Valentine
This Dallas Craigslist ad was captured by the Dallas Observer, Autographed John Candy Picture. It is a framed adorable signed photo of the late commedian/actor, but as a Valentine’s gift? The poster says this is a great idea as we “give and receive Candy on Valentine’s Day.”
Fresh Horse Manure
Another ad noted on the Dallas Observer was Just in Time for Valentine’s Day-Free Horse Manure. The ad states that “nothing says Happy Valentine’s Day like a fresh load of horse manure”. The ad features a lovely sketch of a horse and advertises “New Hope Equine Assisted Services”. Who wouldn’t want to receive a romantic gift like that?
Possessed Possessions Dispossession
If you have a haunted or demonically possessed item you need to get rid of, look no further than, Haunted or possessed items removed. No item too strange or creepy for this service to handle , as the poster notes: “Be it a creepy doll, a lamp that turns on by itself or a chair that rocks with no one in it.” These items need removal as they have “bad ju-ju”. Also “Ghost, poltergeist, demon” are included in the list of items they can dispossess. The photo of a creepy doll in the ad looks like a cross between the Annabelle doll and the Whatever Happened To Baby Jane old movie poster.
In case you are the type of person who wants to acquire a haunted doll rather than get rid of one, this Scary Haunted Gangster Doll will do the trick. This bandana-wearing creepy item is said to have been made ” by Edward Horseman who used Ouija Boards and automatic writers,” The ad goes on to warn potential buyers to “Expect a thrill through deep intentions. Do not look into her eyes too long, may cause sore throat, extreme fear, stomach pains. Look online this is no joke. Must be 18+ and not responsible for her actions.” It’s going for $500 bucks but she’s a bargain as this doll “makes The Bride of Chucky seem like pocket change.”
Be a Greek God, Or Just Look Like One
If you’ve ever wanted to look like Apollo, here’s your chance. This very odd grey. Silicone mask – $500, covers head and neck and looks more like someone’s zombie great-grandmother than a Greek God. The seller still loves this item but has “bills to pay”. He only wore it once working at a horror house attraction, so there’s still plenty of use left in it.
This item is a Coffin Bar /with weird skeleton Party Bar. It comes with or without skeletons.”It’s mounted on a sturdy wooden base just in case you want to climb inside and be the corpse.”You may not want to get dead drunk at this bar or you might get buried
Roach Infestation, No problem
If you have an items that you may consider ” just throwing it away as you think it might be too roached and beat up to be of value,” don’t’ worry, because Junk Munkey is here. They will take “roadside attraction gaffes, carnival or circus props” or literally anything be it bizarre or beautiful. The ad features of drawing of a monkey, so whether or not the misspelling on the company logo is intentional its up to the reader to discern.
Granny Has Lots O’ Dog Food
Posting was deleted but believe us, it was real.
50 Bags Purina Dog Chow-New Unopened are up for trade. The trader will take a bedroom set because “I’m tired and need a nap”, or “upholstery of my matching sofas would be awesome. The grandkids are wearing the material thin playing slip and slide on them,” or a newer minivan, “Ours is on it’s last leg and farts and spits at us and refuses to blow cold air.” The poster does not want jewelry as “I don’t want to snag my support hose.”.