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10 of the Craziest Craigslist Portland Ads

POrtland

Portland, Oregon is a laid back city with a weird vibe. Perhaps it is because of the rainy weather, or perhaps its slogan, “Keep Portland Weird” attracts all sort of oddballs to the area. A place where you can virtually meet some of these “different”citizens is Craigslist Portland, where people can buy and sell strange items or find other unique individuals to share housing expenses. Whatever Portland wants–Craigslist is bound to have it.

Here are 10 of some of the mysterious, one-of-a kind, and down right crazy ads on Craigslist Portland.

1. Cult Knife?

Kinife Ad

Any ad that contains the words “I…don’t know…this knife just scares me. Like something some weird desert cult might use to…I don’t know.” The photo that goes with the ad is quite odd indeed-the face looks like a withered turkey with a mask sitting below frozen in a malevolent grin. It’s only $50, so this item is a must have for desert cult ritual enthusiasts.

http://portland.craigslist.org/clc/cbd/5650445322.html

2. Wickedly Awesome–and Strange

roommate

This posting doesn’t seem that weird on face value, 500 / 1200ft2 – Looking for 1 wicked awesome roommate!, until you read further into the ad copy. The poster admits that actually the rent is $600 but he posted it as $500 as utilities are included, and that he also posted the photo of the house on a dating site, as “Well, let’s be honest, looking for a relationship and looking for a roommate are very similar.” The owner of the home named “Trip” says that he will respect your privacy, and the home is drama free and he is trustworthy. Trip adds that it’s “Just like dating, right?

http://portland.craigslist.org/clc/roo/5677686197.html

3. For the Insensitive Item Collector

Bound by Flesh

It’s a movie poster for the story of conjoined twins, Daisy and Violet Hilton, and the poster reads, “Held Captive! They Fight for Freedom! They Fight for Love!” This rather mocking, yet weird item is up for grabs for just $9. The bottom line of the ad simply says “Freak Show”.

http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/clt/5652491084.html

4. Fresh Urine

New Urine

Offering the freshest urine your money can buy for just $20 to pass any drug screen. The poster says you can “Pass anything! More than enough. Discreet.” The seller has been in the fake pee business helping job candidates fool employers since 2001. How to get it past the lab technicians where you make your deposit is unclear.

http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/mat/5677213527.html

5. Call the Dude

The Dude

If you feel lonely doing your everyday chores, don’t despair, because ! The River City Dude Understands That No One Wants To Work Alone ! This Dude Helps with Anything. If you need extra incentive, the dude has a picture of himself. He looks strong enough to do odd jobs and he claims that he has done more jobs than most dudes have done in “two freaking lifetimes.” He states that he is honest, responsible and “Somewhat Knowledgeable” and prefers cash payments.

http://portland.craigslist.org/wsc/hss/5679625509.html

6. More Dude

In case that first ad doesn’t get attention, this one, ! Storm Damage Or Brain Damage Contact “The” River City Dude ! features a photo of a head with electricity surging through it. The dude is serious–he wants to help. The ad features the claim that “This Dude Abides!” and “Accept No Substitutes!” He is not a dude he is the dude to call if you need help.  *UPDATE – this ad expired but we still had to add it.

http://portland.craigslist.org/wsc/hss/5667808388.html

7. Spirit in the Sofa

Haunted Couch

This Haunted Couch looks to be in pretty good shape, except for the “malevolent force” that resides in it. The couch was originally picked up at a yard sale, and to the new owner’s horror, it had a strange effect on Gunther, the pet cat. Apparently this “couch contained a dislocated spirit that inhabits — and ultimately devours — an Animal host.” The poster also shows a “shocking” picture of the couch with human hands clawing out from the one of the cushions. It’s only $25, so it’s a bargain. Whether the ad is serious or a prank setup to make folks want to buy the item, the ad certainly grabs the reader’s attention.

http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/fuo/5671004113.html

8. You’ll Never Be Able to Watch a Snuggle Commercial Again

Bear

If you’ve ever wanted your very own one-eyed rare teddy bear, complete with built in music box and demons inside, check out Haunted/Posessed Antique One-Eyed Musical Teddy Bear OBO – $20m. The poster says that it was passed down from a grandfather and it’s great for either “snuggling or harmless demon possession”. It communicates with “loud knocks” when it needs attention, so you’ll know it’s authentic. The seller says it could be refurbished but thinks it’s more valuable as it is, and the music box plays a “clear and haunting” melody.

http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/clt/5673638553.html

9. Here Kitty?

Kittens

Nothing is as cute as Kittens for sale, specifically when the photo depicts a larger cat biting into the neck of a small kitten who is lying on its back with its arms stretched out in surrender. One would want to buy that kitten just to get it out of that home! Under that creepy photo the seller claims that “These kittens are so much fun to play with.” Judging by the photo, the kittens might not be having too much fun. It’s probably just playtime, but the main photo does not make the prospect of owning cats seem appealing.

http://portland.craigslist.org/clc/grd/5679413918.html

10. Truly Used Dog Bed

Dog Bed

Rather than cleaning the item before snapping a pix for the Craigslist Portland ad, this poster advertises a Double Orthopedic Dog Bed- Memory Foam Extra Large XL -$40 that looks positively filthy. The seller does admit that the bed has had “little use and definitely no urine/wear and tear,” and that his Newfoundland dog only laid on it twice. The seller will go as far as washing it for a customer who buys the item. Whether its a pattern on the bed and the photo is taken at a bad angle is uncertain. This funky looking mattress is being sold for only $40. but the tennis ball included in the picture was added to show scale, and is not for sale. That may be a deal breaker, but the seller seems willing to chance it.

http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/hsh/5676806600.html

Written by Housely

I craft the best articles on home renovation, real estate sales, and home decorating ideas found on the Internet.