Housely
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania can be a weird place. Where else would you find a cemetery with a marker giving homage to the dearly departed’s love for Jaws, and the Museum of Post-Natural History? With all the strange places and characters in Pittsburgh, it’s no wonder that some of their Craigslist ads reflect the oddities of the unique residents of that locale. Whether you are buying, selling, or just plain trying to find someone, Craigslist is the place to go to post just about whatever is on your mind.
Here are some of the strangest ads, culled from the wacky online marketplace of Craigslist Pittsburgh.
1. Looking for Jeffrey Dahmer?
In this “missed connection” ad, a Pittsburgh women is looking for the guy she met at the Crabtree Gas and Go. It starts out normal enough— just another girl crushing on a guy she met, but then ends with the line, ” I’m shy and the short do taste better. Would like to talk to you.” Is she hoping for a date, or to become part of a meal? Who knows? If she does finally make her connection, will this be her final Craigslist ad?
2. Making an Offer You Can’t Refuse
Being a house cleaner is not usually a lucrative job, but this mysterious Pittsburgh Craigslist employment ad features a person is willing to pay $1,000 per week for someone to work part time. The hours are strangely 6 to 10pm and the poster does say that the applicant must pass a background check. Perhaps someone answering the ad might need to do a little background screening for his or herself?
3. Here Girl! Dog Collars–For Women?
In the “Arts and Crafts For Sale” section, a crafty person advertises Custom Handmade Dog Collars and Leashes; however, the photo in the ad shows a dog collar modeled on a female arm. It’s not until you click through the ad photos that you see the accessories modeled by canines. So, if you don’t have a dog, you might want to buy a custom dog collar for that special female in your life. To be fair, these collars could double as bracelets but are advertised as dog collars.
4. A Grave Outrage
Allegheny Cemetery, the same place where the Jaw’s man in buried, complete with man eating shark tombstone, has just posted a “no dogs” sign and one visitor is not at all happy about it. Where better to air your grievance than a Craigslist ad? In the “Rants and Raves” section, an unhappy cemetery frequenter posts that he has been bringing his dog there for years, and always cleans up the poop, so what’s the deal? He calls the dog ban AN OUTRAGE (in all caps, in case you don’t know how angry he is) about not being able to bring his pooch to see his dead parents.
5. No Cats Need Apply
A rather shocking post in the Rants and Raves (and it has to be shocking to stand out in that venue) is a person who loves to see cats meet their maker entitled “My take on the cat killing issue.” In this rant, this grim reaper of kitties proudly crows that he traps cats and purposely takes them to kill shelters. He also advised folks to go ahead and kill cats if they can get away with it. He disputes claims that cats have special powers, the proof being that ” several have come up to me and let me pick them up. I then put them in the cage and took them to their death.” Now that’s hard core hatred against the feline species. He may just have an issue with cats, or be a serial killer in the making. Either way, he’s proud to boast of his sadism on Craigslist Pittsburgh in this creepy post.
6. Long, Long Term Employment
In this “jobs” ad “OUT 10 YEARS, BACK HOME IN 2026, PLENTY OF MILES!!,”a trucking company is apparently looking for someone to make a long term commitment. They do admit in the text that the ad is crazy, but “About as crazy as some of the other ads we see on here” They ask the reader to take 30 seconds to look at the ad. Why not? if you’re willing to drive a big rig for ten years straight, what’s 30 seconds? The photo accompanying the ad is of a red, gleaming semi with the door open, just inviting the reader to jump in for a decade.
7. Constipated Much?
A rant labeled “Ate the Wrong Cheese” follows the short saga of Pittsburgh foodie who ate some delicious cheese and then was blocked up. The cheese was the block style product, and was purchased at the local discount grocery. The poster relieves our anxieties by divulging that he was able to “evacuate” with a stomach reduced by many sizes.
8. Self-Proclaimed Nice Guy
This Pittsburgh man needs a roomie, and has titled his ad, “Outgoing Roommate with a Heart of Gold. ” He says in his ad that he’s trying to “win big in life” and he is willing to “DIY his own mess both figuratively and literally” within the dynamics of the household. He also states that his roomies need to be willing to “accept me and my ambitions,” whatever they are.
9. Cats DO Know Everything
If you need the answer to a “yes” or “no” question, let a Zombie cat predict your future–for just $5 a question! The ad, Tarot Reading $5, says that you can get a yes no reading from this Zombie cat, and a drawn picture of the walking deceased feline is included for extra incentive. There are disclaimers noted in the ad, saying that a reading from Zombie Cat may be 50% wrong and that it’s for entertainment purposes only.
10. Tin Foil Hat Brigade
The rants section has another goodie with “You are under alien mind control.” The moon is blamed as the conductor for the mind control, sent from a probe buried inside the “dark side”. The poster blames this for why “everything is going crazy”, but fear not, the poster does have a solution. You just need to contact him or her and you will be told how to fight this “illogical” force.
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