It’s not just celebrities that choose questionable names for their kids; it’s people all over the country that make eyebrows raise. It’s city planners and it’s whomever else is in charge of naming cities and towns (really, whose job is that?). Few people wonder where the titles, “Orlando” or “Newport Beach” come from when traveling or just repeatedly writing that location in the return address location of your mail. But then you come across a little town with a strange – sometimes creepy – name and you suddenly wonder who was doing the thinking and what – if anything – that person was actually thinking. That said, we’ve made a list of some of the weirdest, strangest city names in the country. Buckle up; this is one hilarious road trip.
Santa Claus, Arizona
When you think of the big, happy, cookie-consuming man that spends one night a year traveling the world with toys for good kids, hurdling down chimneys and potentially engaging in a bit of B&E in homes with fireplaces, you think snow. You do not see Santa in a warm climate, hitting a few golf balls in the retirement community or engaging in poker night down at the club. Unless you live in this Arizona city.
We aren’t positive, but we do know this town does exist. They’re not certain whether or not they are going to keep the name or maybe go with something a little more positive. In fact, no one is even certain they want to live here forever. Nothing in Uncertain is certain. On that note, it is in Texas and they do say that everything is bigger in Texas. Even the Uncertainy.
What an awkward conversation starter. “Where you do you live?” “Nothing,” “Fine, I was just trying to be friendly. No need to be so rude about it,” “No, really, nothing. I live in Nothing,” “So…you’re homeless? This is embarrassing.” On second thought, this is probably the most fun conversation people around this Arizona city have on a regular basis. I’d use this line all the time.
Pee Pee, Ohio
There really are no words. Who, on this planet, not only suggested this as a potential town name? And even more importantly, who on earth actually made the decision to incorporate and make this name official? It sounds to me like a group of people are responsible for this, and we just want to know why. If you are the person responsible for this childish (but hilarious) name, please, tell us why.
If we are being quite honest here – and I like to think we are – I’d just like to stay far away from this location. With four kids that came into the world about a minute after thinking, “Hmm, it seems like a good time to try for a baby,” and then the announcement that bay number three was also baby number four, this town seems like the kind of place in which I need to steer clear. Though I do wonder about the population here.
On a good note, telling someone to go to hell now has an actual meaning. I mean, you could say this to your irritating boss and then laugh it off like, “Ha ha, no, really, you should go to hell. It’s in Michigan. They have the best BBQ I’ve ever eaten,” and then walk away knowing that you both know that you just said something totally inappropriate but covered it so well nothing can be done. And just to clarify, we have no idea how good the BBQ in hell really is. Though we imagine it’s hot.
Toast, North Carolina
Do you like it burnt, a little crisp? We bet these southerners are happy to have their breakfast food, and who would not be in an amazing little town named Toast? It’s fun, it’s funny and it’s just one of those town names just weird enough to be interesting but not so strange that you have to question the sanity of the people behind the name. We don’t hate it, so we’re going to roll with it and see where it takes us.
It’s not great, but it’s not bad. It’s not awful, but it’s not wonderful. It’s Okay. It’s Okay, OK. Really, we could not not go there. It’s a name that seems as if it came after a long period of time deliberating over whether or not to call the area something a bit more exciting. The other options were Not So Bad, Could be Better, Could be Worse, So-So and Well, Okay and in the end it was Okay that won out. Kidding – those might not be the other names in contention, but it seems fun to pretend they are.
Rough and Ready, California
If you have active little boys ready to tussle and get into trouble at any moment, may we suggest moving them to Rough and Ready? This little California town seems as if it would be the kind of place that you go to get ready for a wrestling match or something of that nature. We can’t say we hate the name, but we do wonder where on earth the name derived and what exactly it means for all the other people in the area.
Nothing sounds more like a case of encephalitis than hanging out in a place called Mosquitoville. This Vermont town is probably a bit too cold most of the year to really house any mosquitoes. After all, I’m a born and raised lifelong Florida girl and I know that these pesky and filthy little creatures prefer wet, humid, warm air to anything cold, which is why we have relief only for those two months of less than summer – summer.
Utah is known for being a place in which many people live in a Mormon community. I’m not making that up or making fun or judging the lifestyles of others – as long as you are not hurting anyone, you do what you do. But it does seem a bit ironic to me that the state in which so many people like to have as many kids as possible and many even practice multiple marriages (and they go by many different names based on religious preferences from what I understand) would be called Virgin. My bet is that there really are not that many.
Mexican Water, Arizona
If you’ve said it once, you’ve said it a thousand times; don’t drink the water. Mexican water is known for being a bit dangerous to the American stomach (when I was 26 weeks pregnant and spent a week in Riviera Maya with my husband, my doctor begged me to steer clear of any water poured or even bottled in Mexico). But Mexican Water, Arizona is a completely different issue all together. Where on earth did they get the name?
It’s so much less Alaska than you might imagine; kidding, it’s totally Alaska. The name is fabulous, though. It’s like calling where I live UnFlorida despite the beach, the sand, the palm trees, the blue skies and the boat in every single detached garage. It’s Unalaska, but it’s not. The name is fun, and we’d love to know who came up with this name and why. I don’t know any of the details, but it just sounds like it would be a really great story.
What Cheer, Iowa
The thought of this name takes us two places. On one hand we imagine the town filled with cheerleaders just pumped up and happy about every single thing life has to offer (YES! A B- on a test! WOOOHOOOO, you lost your job!). On the other hand, we see everyone as being a bit doom and gloom and the name deriving from the fact that the people here are just not all that happy. Maybe it’s a dry county? I don’t know if it is or not, but it could be and that sounds depressing.
Truth Or Consequences, New Mexico
All right; this one just sounds a little intimidating. It’s like you walk into town and they just know if you’re being honest or lying. It’s like they’re going to send you to jail if you say you’re fine when you’re really having a hellacious day. Or it could be the kind of town in which everyone sits around with a shot glass and a bottle and spends the day playing this game and getting more and more honest by the moment.
Cut and Shoot, Texas
Be honest; how many of you read the name of this little town and immediately wondered if it was located in Texas before you got that far? It just seems so very Texas doesn’t it? Down home, country and ready for a little hunting or outdoor activity. Well, you’re right; Cut and Shoot is a Texas town. On that note, however, is the town just that torn between whether or not they prefer cutting or shooting, or is this just an invitation for all who like to hunt and fish and gather?
It is embarrassing that someone could not come up with a better name for this place than this. Of course, maybe things happen here that regularly have residents feeling a bit more mortified than happy and that’s where the name comes from. We don’t know. All we know is that it’s one of the weirdest names for a city that we’ve ever encountered since it’s not really a name. It’s a feeling. It’s a state of embarrassment, and we feel that it’s not really a place.
Now here’s a weird name that works for us. Money, Mississippi. It even sounds good together, but then again alliteration always sounds good together. It could be a good omen. Perhaps this is an area in which a ton of affluent residents reside in their large, stately southern style plantation homes and they’re just rolling in the dough. Or maybe not, and someone thought that changing the name would be like inviting money into the area. The power of positive thinking at work, if you will. Either way, we like it.
On the opposite side of the spectrum we have this small area in Missouri with the name Tightwad. It’s not flattering by any means. We have to wonder if perhaps the founder of this small area was one and the people who got to officially name the area did so out of spite. It’s unclear to us, but it sounds like fun. In fact, we think we’re going to make up fictitious stories about all places forever.
Sounds dangerous, doesn’t it? Could it be some sort of warning for anyone who dares come in this way? Perhaps living here is such a danger that the people of Hazard decided to just go ahead and give the town a warning name so that people would think twice before coming in? It’s not clear to us who named Hazard or why, but the mysterious name makes us want to come visit and find out why. Just, why?