There’s nothing quite like the exquisite pain of setting an alarm clock so that you’ll get up in time to start a big day, and then turning it off in a state of half sleep. For many people, this has become routine. It’s kind of like an arms race between us and the beeping machines. We buy bigger, bolder, louder alarm clocks. Our brains find new shortcuts. Who even needs eyes or complete consciousness to find the snooze button anyway?
While it may be clever, it’s not very helpful. If you need to get up early for school or work, you’ve probably tried the old ‘alarm clock across the bedroom’ strategy. Yet, even this is quickly foiled by the most cunning of sleepers. The good news, however, is that science has been working on solving this first world problem. You wouldn’t believe some of the madcap alarm clock inventions that you can now get your hands on.
This guide to five of the craziest alarm clocks in the world will help you find the perfect way to wake up in the morning.
The Wake’n Bacon
The Wake’n Bacon alarm clock has to be one of the wackiest inventions ever created. It’s a little like when the crazy inventors in children’s movies create wild machines that can make breakfast, without any human help. They crack eggs and stir coffee, in an automated sequence that ends with the breakfast being delivered to their bedside table.
It is a little box, quite unremarkable on the outside, but wait until you hear what it can do. If you remember to load the special tray with frozen bacon before you go to bed, you’ll wake up to the sight and aroma of your favourite breakfast snack. Although, scoffing bacon every time you wake up can’t be good for the cholesterol.
For an alarm clock that is a little kinder to the waistline, try the CoffeeTime. It works on much the same principle as the Wake’n Bake, only with a delicious, freshly ground cup of Joe instead. The coffee is brewed slowly and gently, because the idea is that sleepers will be woken by both a regular alarm clock noise and that inviting smell.
With a specially designed ‘odor emitter,’ the CoffeeTime was made for people who can’t get enough of their favourite drink. If you find it hard to start functioning properly, until you’ve had your first coffee of the day, it could be the alarm clock that you’ve been dreaming about.
The Carpet Clock
This clever little alarm clock takes the form of a carpet pad that you place on the floor, next to your bed. Once it goes, it doesn’t turn off until you’re stood on the carpet, with both feet flat on the floor. It sounds like a great idea at first, but if lots of us have learned to turn our alarm clocks off while still half sleeping, perhaps placing two feet (or hands) on the floor is inevitably going to be the next partially conscious cheat strategy.
Though nifty, this alarm clock may just have to be placed further and further away from the bed, until the sleeper is forced to cross the room to turn it off. Would you wake up if you had to do this? Or, would you get up, without even opening your eyes, jump on the Carpet Clock, and dive back into bed? All in the time it takes to scratch your belly and let out a snore.
The Danger Bomb
Now, this is a real alarm clock. The Danger Bomb starts beeping (in fact, it begins with a loud banging noise) and it continues to make noise until you’ve successfully completed a ‘defusing’ task. It’s nothing too tricky, but it is exactly the kind of challenge that you’d need to be more than half awake to finish.
This means that by the time you’ve completed the puzzle and shut the thing down, you should be fully awake and ready to start the day. The only risk is that ‘sleep you’ might just get angry and fling the machine across the room. If you can manage to behave, however, you’ll probably get quite a lot out of this little machine. It looks really cool too, so it’s something that will brighten up your bedside table and your room in general.
The Sub Morning
For the super hardcore sleepers, even simple tricks might not, well, do the trick. This is when it’s time for something truly remarkable, like the Sub Morning alarm clock. This machine makes a huge racket until you actually get out of bed, pick it up, and submerge it in water. So, unless you’re on your feet and in the bathroom sixty seconds after it goes off, you’re going to wake the whole house.
Once you’re in the bathroom, with an alarm clock sinking to the bottom of the bath, the chances are that you’re wide awake. You can hop in the shower, dry off your alarm clock, and start the day with a clear head and bags of energy. Just don’t accidentally drop it down the toilet bowl instead of in the sink or the shower – nobody wants to have to start the morning that way.
Finding the Right Alarm Clock for You
In all seriousness, it can be frustrating to have an alarm clock that doesn’t work, either because it’s just not very good or because you’ve gotten too used to foiling it. While the machines featured in this article may be wacky and over the top, they do make some sense. If you’re stuck in a ‘wake up’ rut, the best approach is to shake up your routine.
We are all creatures of habit, so introducing something new is naturally going to make it easier for you to wake up feeling refreshed and ready to start the day. It does, of course, make a big difference if you actually get a high quality sleep. So, don’t skimp on those hours spent in bed. Retire at a sensible hour and leave mobile phones, tablets, and laptops in another room.
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