10 Comments to Avoid Saying to a New Mom

Becoming a mom is an exciting yet challenging time filled with joy, exhaustion, and countless adjustments. However, although friends and family often want to offer support, certain comments can unintentionally cause stress or hurt feelings. Here are ten things we should never say to them.

“Enjoy every moment!”

This phrase is often said with good intentions, but it can pressure new mothers immensely. The reality of motherhood includes sleepless nights, constant feedings, and overwhelming emotions that can make it difficult to enjoy every second. When someone tells a new mom to enjoy every moment, it can imply that she must be doing something wrong if she isn’t cherishing every single second. 

“Enjoy every moment!” (Cont’d)

New moms need the space to feel their emotions without the added pressure of feeling like they must savor every second. Instead, a more supportive approach would be to respect her mixed feelings about her new role and remind her that it’s perfectly okay to have mixed feelings about her new role.

“You look tired. Are you getting any sleep?”

By pointing out her tired appearance, you are essentially highlighting a struggle she is already acutely aware of. New mothers often feel like they are running on empty, and having someone vocalize their fatigue can make them feel even more self-conscious about their current state.

“You look tired. Are you getting any sleep?” (Cont’d)

Instead of focusing on her looks, consider asking her how she feels or if she needs help. This shift in conversation will allow her to share her experiences and feelings without feeling judged or scrutinized. It’s important to create a supportive environment where she feels comfortable.

“You’re doing great, mama!”

It can come across as a generic compliment that lacks sincerity, even though it is often intended to uplift. If said by someone who hasn’t spent much time with the new mom, it can feel empty and even patronizing. New mothers are often battling feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, and a blanket statement like this can feel dismissive of their unique struggles.

“You’re doing great, mama!” (Cont’d)

A meaningful compliment should be specific and rooted in genuine observation. Instead of a generic affirmation, consider offering specific praise based on what you’ve seen her do well. Acknowledging her efforts in soothing her baby or managing her household can provide her with the validation she truly needs and deserves.

 “Just wait until they’re older!”

This comment can be particularly frustrating for new moms who are already going through a tough time caring for a newborn. It implies that the current struggles are just the beginning and things will only worsen. Such statements can create anxiety and dread about the future, overshadowing the joys of the present moment.

 “Just wait until they’re older!” (Cont’d)

Focusing on the here and now is more beneficial than projecting future difficulties. Encouragement about the current stage can help new moms feel more grounded and less overwhelmed. Remind her that each phase has its unique beauty, and taking it one day at a time is okay.

“Are you breastfeeding? You should try it!”

Questions about breastfeeding can be sensitive and even triggering for many new mothers. This comment not only puts pressure on her to conform to societal expectations but also disregards the fact that breastfeeding may not be a viable option for everyone. New moms might be facing various challenges, including physical pain, emotional stress, or medical issues that make breastfeeding difficult or impossible.

“Are you breastfeeding? You should try it!” (Cont’d)

Hold back on questioning her feeding choices; it’s more supportive to ask how she is managing to feed her baby. The approach opens up a dialogue where she can share her experiences without feeling judged or pressured. Ultimately, the focus should be on the well-being of both mother and baby, regardless of the method chosen.

“You must be so in love!”

While many new mothers experience overwhelming love for their newborns, not every mother feels an instant connection. Many women go through postpartum depression. This inadvertently makes a mother feel inadequate or guilty if she doesn’t feel that immediate bond.

“You must be so in love!” (Cont’d)

Acknowledging the complexity of emotions that come with motherhood is essential. Instead of assuming she feels a specific way, asking her how she feels about her new role is more supportive. It opens the door for her to express herself honestly, whether that’s joy, confusion, or even ambivalence.

“You should really try to get your baby on a schedule”

This piece of advice often comes from a place of wanting to help, but it can be incredibly stressful for new moms. Every baby is different, and many factors influence a baby’s sleep and feeding patterns. Suggesting a rigid schedule can make a mother feel like she is failing if her baby doesn’t adhere to it.

“You should really try to get your baby on a schedule” (Cont’d)

It’s more beneficial to offer support in a way that respects the mother’s instincts and her baby’s needs. Encouraging her to listen to her baby’s cues and find a rhythm that works for them can empower her as a new mom. This approach fosters a sense of confidence and autonomy in her parenting journey.

“You’ll bounce back soon!”

Comments about a new mom’s body and appearance can be especially sensitive. When you tell her that she will “bounce back,” it implies that her worth is tied to her physical appearance, which can be damaging. New mothers are often going through significant physical and emotional changes, and focusing on their bodies can detract from the incredible work they are doing as parents.

“You’ll bounce back soon!” (Cont’d)

A more supportive approach would be celebrating her journey and her body’s changes. Remind her that her body has accomplished something remarkable by bringing a new life into the world. Encouraging her to embrace her body’s changes and focus on her well-being rather than societal expectations can help foster a healthier mindset.

“You’re lucky to have help!”

This comment can unintentionally minimize the hard work and effort new moms put into caring for their babies. It can also make those who may not have help feel isolated or inadequate. The remark appears to dismiss the challenges that come with motherhood, regardless of the level of support available.

“You’re lucky to have help!” (Cont’d)

It’s more constructive to acknowledge the hard work she is doing. Offering to help in practical ways, such as bringing a meal or offering to babysit, can be a much more meaningful way to show support. This approach validates her efforts and reinforces the idea that she is not alone in her journey.

“When are you going back to work?”

Asking this question can be stressful for new moms who are already grappling with the complexities of balancing motherhood and career. It implies that there’s a right or wrong timeline for returning to work, which can add pressure to an already challenging decision.

“When are you going back to work?” (Cont’d)

Every mother’s situation is unique, and personal, financial, and emotional factors influence their choices regarding work. Instead, show support by asking how she’s adjusting to her new routine and offering your help or understanding as she navigates this new chapter.