20 Reasons You Should Never Live In LA

Not everyone wants to live in Los Angeles. In fact, some people are so dead set against living there they’d rather spend the next six months at the dentist getting repeat root canals. Really, who can blame them? Why wouldn’t you want to steer clear of a city filled with beautiful weather, great food, gorgeous shopping and be that close to the beach on top of it. It’s utterly ridiculous to think any of those things would inspire happiness, health or that living in one of the many beautiful neighborhoods would be a good idea when it comes to raising a family. Read on to find out the other great reasons you never want to live in LA.

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To be a Movie Star

If you’re in the market to become a movie star, you definitely don’t want to move to LA. No one that lives in LA stands a chance at working in the movies. This goes for those also interested in working on movie or television sets. You’re not going to find your big break here. You should move somewhere like the Midwest where those things actually happen to good people.

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To be a Model

Models don’t make it in LA. I mean, you’d be better off in New York, but LA certainly doesn’t have anything to do with the fashion industry so it would be a gross waste of your personal time to live here and become a model, or an actress or anything that has to do with fame and fortune. Besides, no beautiful people live around here, so you don’t want to be the odd one out, right?

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The Great Weather

What an overrated reason to live in LA. Who wants gorgeous weather that’s warm all year long except that day or two it might drop below 60 or rain? If you can handle that kind of weather, more power to you. But just to let you know, you’re really going to miss snow days and shoveling your sidewalks and dealing with midafternon tornadoes every other weekend in the Midwest. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

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The Beach

Sand, sun, water, waves; yuck. Do we even need to elaborate on just how disgusting it is to live near all this stuff? I mean, you’ll never be productive again if you have the choice to get up one morning and head to the beach. You will literally get nothing done at home anymore. What you will get is a great sunkissed appearance, some serious exercise in the waves and a healthy attitude about being in the great outdoors. And who wants that?

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The Mountains

When you’re not at the beach, you could go to the mountains. But all those gorgeous views and those pretty houses and those gorgeous neighborhoods; they’re just a waste of time. Who on earth wants to stand atop a mountain and stare out at the waves and the ocean, the city and the neighborhoods and see for miles and miles all the prettiness that the city has to offer?

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The Hiking Trails

If you love good exercise and heart health, a great body and feeling good about yourself, you definitely want to come to LA. But if you’d much rather spend time being lazy and getting fat and unhealthy, we recommend you stay home. LA is pretty healthy with all its hiking trails and places to take the dog and the kids for a walk and some exercise. What a crock; who wants exercise and to get out of the house? No one; it’s crap.

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The Good Food

Despite what some people might think, there is a lot of good places to eat in LA, and you’re going to hate them. We hate fresh seafood, fresh produce and healthy meals. And why would you want to live somewhere filled with eating establishments that cater to the people of all types of diets? It’s only going to make it easier for you to make healthier eating decisions, and that’s no fun, right?

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The Good Coffee

Starbucks on every corner and the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf; you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. Drink more water and ignore all the good coffees and teas and lattes and other delicious beverages that make you feel as if you’re saving on calories when you are really splurging on them like no one else’s business. I mean, skip the coffee and just forget about it. It is seriously overrated in the first place.

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The Farmers Markets

Fresh produce locally grown and made as you like it; who wants that? If you want to eat like a healthy person and have things that are locally grown and support local small businesses and all that good stuff, fine, then live in LA. But just so you know, supporting local businesses and eating fresh food is just nowhere near as good as polluting the environment by having produce imported and by not supporting the locals that then put their money into the economy.

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The Views

Beach views, hill views, mountain views, lush landscaping; there are too many nice things to look at in LA and it’s distracting. You definitely do not want to live somewhere in which you are inspired to get outside and get fresh air, check out the scenery and get a little bit healthier and happier. Being outdoors for a few minutes a day is a great way to relieve stress, but you don’t want to do that, do you? No, who wants to relieve stress or something like that?

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To be that Close to Vegas

What an overrated idea that you get to be that close to Vegas on a regular basis? It’s just a few hours by car, a one-hour flight and many other things like that, but what a waste. I mean, that’s going to make bachelor parties and long weekend birthday trips so affordable and easy, and that’s no fun. And who wants to say, “Let’s go to Vegas,” and be there the same day? You’d much rather live far away and have to spend a fortune and spend hours and hours traveling.

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To be that Close to Napa

Again, who wants to be an hour or so by air from the beautiful scenery and wine that is Napa Valley? I mean, all you’re going to do there is eat good food and drink good wine and enjoy beautiful views and an amazing time, and who needs that kind of negativity in their lives? You don’t want to stand for that, we know it’s true. You’d much rather not live in LA and be that close to so many beautiful and wonderful places. Don’t even get me started on being near Tahoe.

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The Hollywood Bowl

It’s only the place in which the most famous of the most famous of people and musicians perform, and it’s a legendary location. You do not want that kind of access to the world’s most amazing performances. Culture and the arts are not going to get you anywhere in life but at a concert venue in which you will have an amazing time. It’s obviously not something you want to waste your time with, so there is no point in living in LA and being close to this kind of history in the making.

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Rodeo Drive

Tiffany & Co, Louis Vuitton, Chanel; all so overrated. We would much rather live far away from those locations and spend thousands of dollars on our new designer items without every trying them on and then have to pay a bundle for shipping and then have to wait a few days for everything to arrive. Having that kind of shopping in our own backyard is so dumb we can’t even describe it. Who wants to be able to run to the store and get a little blue box at the last minute to surprise a loved one? No one, that’s who.

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Geoffrey’s in Malibu

So LA is not Malibu, but it’s close enough. And Geoffrey’s is amazing. The food is to-die-for. The views sitting on the patio outside overlooking the Pacific Ocean are some of the most beautiful you will ever see. So you obviously do not want to live here or visit here or dine here or have this kind of amazing practically right in your back yard. After all, who wants to head somewhere like this and sit outside and enjoy a meal and drinks with the fresh salt air around them, lowering their stress levels and being happy and stuff?

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Brunch at the Hotel Bel-Air

If ever you have eaten brunch, you certainly understand that it is decadent and delicious. But perhaps you don’t understand that it is also meant to be beautiful. And when you choose to enjoy a beautiful brunch at the Hotel Bel-Air, you can sit outdoors under a lovely pergola of bougainvillea while inhaling the amazing aroma of fresh flowers and the decadent taste of all the different brunch options. And let’s not forget the mimosas. Because brunch is just breakfast without.

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Universities

LA is home to a number of universities and colleges and higher-learning facilities, but that is certainly no reason to live in one of them. I mean, trust me when I say that there is no reason to live somewhere in which there are so many places to garner an education. Who wants that? Education is such a waste of time and money when you can work at Starbucks without one and still get health insurance. Forget moving here for a college education.

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Islands

Between the Channel Islands and Catalina, there is no good reason to come here. Do you even like islands that much? Is the idea of boating and swimming and enjoying all that life has to offer really all that much worth it? Probably not; you’re just wasting your time with this one, don’t you think? I mean, I would assume that being someone who lives this close to an island would be awful and not at all worth the time and effort it takes to enjoy the beautiful weather on the way to the islands.

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Sunshine

Who loves sunshine? I didn’t think I’d see many hands. I read somewhere once that LA receives about 329 days per year of sunshine, which is just a lot of sunshine. I mean, if you like sunshine, perhaps you might want to live here, but so many people just do not like sunshine at all, right? It’s a little bit not worth it, a little bit overrated and completely overwhelming when it comes to being outside and enjoying the weather. We don’t like it, so we figure you won’t, either.

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No Snow Days

What a bummer. Being able to wear dresses and shorts all year, not having to rise earlier than usual to go outside and scrape the ice off your car and clear the driveway must be really awful. Think about it; why would you want to do something like sleep in or go for an early morning walk or jog when you could be outside taking care of things that are much cooler – get it? – like snow days and ice off the car kind of stuff? We don’t get it. Who wants to go to school on the actual specified school days and get out of school on the actual day that you are supposed to get out so that you don’t have to do things like make up days at the end of the school year?

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