Lisa O
It’s all too easy to let our emotions take over. That’s why emotional intelligence is such a big deal. Being able to spot emotions (in yourself and others), understand how they influence things, and use that info to guide your thoughts and actions can boost your chances of reaching your goals. But what if you’re already rocking a high EQ and don’t even know it? Here are 15 signs you might have strong emotional intelligence.
You Have a Good Emotional Vocabulary
People with high EQs are experts at handling their emotions because they actually understand them, and they’ve got a whole arsenal of feeling words to work with. While most people might say they feel “bad,” emotionally intelligent ones can nail it down to feeling “irritable,” “frustrated,” or “anxious.” The more specific you get with your words, the better you can figure out exactly how you’re feeling.
You Don’t Act on Impulse
You feel bad moods just like everyone else, but you don’t let them take over; in fact, you can control them. For example, instead of blowing up when you’re angry, you calmly let people know what’s wrong and how to fix it. You’ve got the ability to hold off and wait until your emotions settle so you can respond logically and level-headedly.
You Understand Yourself Really Well
As someone with high emotional intelligence, you’re not just self-aware—you have a clear understanding of your deeper character traits, both the good and the not-so-good. You know exactly where your strengths lie. And we’re not talking about a specific skill or talent that’s easy to see. What we mean here is your “character traits.” You recognize which ones help you grow and set you apart from the crowd.
You Stay Calm and Analyze During Arguments
Everyone gets into fights at some point. But if you’ve got high emotional intelligence, you don’t let your emotions take over in those moments. Even if you get a little fired up at first, you’re quick to chill out, get grounded, and look at the whole situation from a more neutral point of view—almost like you’re stepping back and watching it from the outside.
You’re Aware of How Your Words Affect Others
Every person has a different way of taking things, and different people may associate different meanings with the same words. You make sure you see and take feedback on what works with whom. You also notice the subtleties of the other person’s expressions, responses, and body language, and you then shift your approach toward them accordingly so that they may feel more comfortable in your presence.
You’ve Got Solid Social Skills
Whether you’re introverted or extroverted, if you have high emotional intelligence, you’ll have pretty solid social skills thanks to your empathy, flexibility, openness to listening and understanding, and just being genuinely caring and mindful towards others. You manage your relationships well because you’re deeply connected with yourself, making it easier for you to connect with and understand others.
You Know When to Be Assertive
You’ve gained a solid understanding of life (and people), so you know when to be flexible and when to stand your ground. There’s definitely a right time and place to be assertive. If someone is always assertive, they can come off as controlling, while someone who never is may get walked all over. With your high EI, you understand the balance and know how to use assertiveness when it’s needed.
You’re Clear About Your Values
Whether we realize it or not, we all have a set of values. These values basically guide us about what we should focus on in life and where we should put all our time and energy. A lot of people get stuck because their values don’t line up with what they actually need or want right now. But that’s not you. And that’s what makes you a person with high emotional intelligence.
You’re Good at Making Decisions
EI helps you manage your emotions and line up your values and priorities, making it easier to make decisions. You know what’s most important for you and what can wait. Life throws tough choices at you sometimes, and they aren’t always quick or easy to make. But with very good EQ, you can figure out how to move forward and which way might be the best to go.
You Don’t Judge Others Quickly
With your high emotional intelligence, you’re aware of your imperfections and have an empathetic nature, so you tend to hold back from making negative assumptions about others. Even if you catch yourself quickly judging someone harshly, you consciously soften that judgment because you know your perception might not reflect the full reality. And that brings us to the next trait…
You Understand Your Perception Isn’t Always the Reality
Emotionally intelligent people are also intellectually humble. Intellectual humility is a top-tier trait that really boosts a person’s character, wisdom, and understanding of life. It just means you get that the world doesn’t revolve around your own views and opinions and that what you see or think might not always be the full picture.
You’re Hard to Offend
If you really know who you are, it’s very tough for someone to say or do something that gets under your skin. Emotionally intelligent people are confident and open-minded, which helps build a pretty thick skin. You might even joke around about yourself or let others make fun of you because you’re able to mentally separate humor from disrespect.
You Don’t Hold Grudges
All those negative emotions that come with holding a grudge are basically a stress response. Just thinking about the situation can trigger your body’s fight-or-flight mode (that survival instinct that makes you either fight or run when you’re in danger). When the threat is real, it’s super important. But when it’s something that happened a long time ago, holding onto that stress can lead to lots of serious health issues over time.
You Know When to Disconnect
Taking regular time off the grid shows you’ve got a high EQ because it helps you keep your stress in check and stay present. When you’re available for work 24/7, you’re basically inviting a nonstop flood of stress. Stepping away from all that—turning off your phone—gives your mind and body the break they need.
You’re Curious About Other People
Doesn’t matter if they’re introverts or extroverts—people with high emotional intelligence are naturally curious about those around them. This curiosity comes from empathy, one of the biggest keys to having a high EQ. The more you care about others and what they’re going through, the more interested you’ll be in their lives.