20 Things You Should Never Do at a Funeral or Memorial Service

a woman holding a basket with flowers on it
Photo by The Good Funeral Guide on Unsplash

Funerals and memorials are special events meant to honor someone who has passed away and support their family. They help people begin to heal and allow the deceased to be remembered with respect. No matter your personal feelings—you need to give a few hours of peace and attention. Here are 20 things you should never do at a funeral or memorial service.

Showing Up Late

group of people attending burial
Photo by Rhodi Lopez on Unsplash

Showing up on time shows you care. If you’re late, you can disrupt the service and upset the grieving family. Aim to get there early so you can find a seat and settle in. It shows you respect the importance of the event and the effort that went into organizing it. Arriving late might mean you accidentally interrupt a speaker or disturb others deep in the moment—which looks very disrespectful.

Dressing Inappropriately

woman riding on commuter bike during daytime
Photo by Blubel on Unsplash

Dress appropriately to show respect. Stick to black or dark colors and skip those bright, flashy outfits. Unless the family has asked for something different, conservative attire is best. Dressing this way shows you get the seriousness of the occasion and keeps the focus on honoring the deceased. Wearing casual or flashy clothes can draw a lot of unwanted attention and can distract others from the purpose of the gathering.

Using Your Phone

person holding silver iphone 6
Photo by Joshua Hoehne on Unsplash

Keep your phone on silent, or turn it off. Using your phone during the service is super rude and can distract others. If you really need to use it, step outside. Keeping your phone quiet helps everyone stay focused on the service and the memories being shared. Plus, the ringing of your phone or glowing screen can ruin the solemn atmosphere and detract from showing respect to the occasion.

Talking During the Service

a man and a woman standing in front of a church
Photo by The Good Funeral Guide on Unsplash

Try to keep chatter to a minimum and speak softly. This is a time for quiet reflection and supporting each other quietly. Chatting during the service can mess up the flow and distract from remembering and respecting the person. Even whispering can be heard during the quiet moments, which might bother those around you trying to focus on the ceremony.

Bringing Uninvited Guests

a group of people standing next to each other
Photo by The Good Funeral Guide on Unsplash

Bring guests only if they’ve been invited. These services usually focus on close family and friends. Bringing uninvited guests can overwhelm the family and spoil the intimate vibe. Everyone attending should have a special connection to the deceased or the grieving family. Uninvited guests might accidentally take seats or resources meant for close family and friends.

Laughing or Making Jokes

woman in black tank top smiling
Photo by tabitha turner on Unsplash

It’s totally okay to share memories but save the laughter and jokes for another time. Keep the mood respectful. Laughter and jokes might not fit here and could upset people who are actually grieving. A soft smile or a sincere story is better. Avoid anything that might seem like you’re not taking the event seriously. If you need to, step out for a moment to gather yourself.

Criticizing or Complaining

U.S. flag near graves
Photo by sydney Rae on Unsplash

Don’t criticize the service or complain about how everything is set up. The family is grieving and did their best under tough circumstances. Criticizing or complaining adds more stress and negativity. Now isn’t the time to share your thoughts on how the funeral or memorial service should have been done. It’s much better to focus on just supporting and understanding the family.

Taking Up Too Much of the Family’s Time

a woman standing at a podium in front of a microphone
Photo by The Good Funeral Guide on Unsplash

It’s good to give your condolences, but don’t take up all the family’s time. Let others have a chance to show their support, too. Keeping your talks short lets everyone give their condolences without putting too much on the family. Many people want to help out, and the family might need a while to handle their feelings and talk to all their guests.

Taking Photos Without Permission

woman holding black camera taking photo
Photo by Izzy Park on Unsplash

Don’t snap photos during the service unless they say it’s okay. It’s a private time, and taking pictures might feel intrusive. Respect the family’s privacy and the serious mood by not taking any shots. If you want to capture a memory, ask first and then do it quietly, focusing on moments that won’t disrupt their grieving.

Eating or Drinking Inappropriately

men's maroon polo shirt
Photo by Elevate on Unsplash

Please refrain from eating or drinking anything during the service unless they’ve set a time for it. Munching or sipping can be very distracting and might seem disrespectful. Save your snacks for later, like during the reception or a break they’ve planned. That way, everyone can stay focused on honoring the person who passed away.

Ignoring Cultural or Religious Customs

a woman arranging flowers in a wicker basket
Photo by The Good Funeral Guide on Unsplash

Pay attention to and respect any cultural or religious traditions being followed. If you’re not sure—do some research or ask a family member beforehand. Respecting these customs shows honor to the person who passed away and their family’s beliefs. Ignoring these traditions could seem disrespectful and add more stress to the family during an already tough time.

Gossiping

a woman with her hand on her face
Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash

Skip the gossip and stay on topic. The gathering is about honoring the person who passed away and being there for their family. Chatting about other stuff takes away from the respect and support everyone needs. Keep your talks about the person being remembered and the reason you’re all there, making sure your words add to the atmosphere of respect and memory.

Bringing Pets Without Permission

white and black American pit bull terrier at daytime
Photo by Justin Veenema on Unsplash

Pets can bring so much happiness and comfort, no doubt. But out of respect for others who might be scared or allergic, it’s better not to bring pets to funerals or memorials. Emotional support animals might be an exception, but it’s usually best to leave pets at home. If you’re worried about leaving them alone—ask a neighbor or friend to check in on them while you’re out.

Bringing Young Children Unprepared

selective focus photography of girl hugging boy
Photo by Chayene Rafaela on Unsplash

If you bring kids along—make sure they know to be quiet and respectful. Bring toys or books to keep them busy if you need to. Kids who aren’t ready for the service can cause interruptions, so get them ready early. Try to explain why they need to remain quiet so they understand what this event means.

Leaving Before the Service Ends

brown concrete building near green grass field during daytime
Photo by Nico Smit on Unsplash

It’s best to stick around till the service wraps up. Leaving early can mess the event up. Try to stay till the end unless you really need to go and have let the family know. Staying shows you respect the person who passed away and all the work the family put in. If you do need to leave early, slip out quietly so you don’t take away from the service.

Ignoring Seating Arrangements

lighted candles on black metal candle holder
Photo by Eli Solitas on Unsplash

Stick to where the family wants everyone to sit. They’ve set it up to fit close family and friends just right, making sure everyone’s comfortable. Doing this keeps everything organized and shows you’re respecting how they want the service to go. If you don’t stick to their plan, it could mess up the flow and make it tough for everyone to focus on remembering the person who passed away.

Yawning Loudly

man in white long sleeve shirt
Photo by Sander Sammy on Unsplash

Funerals and memorials can be long, and it’s totally normal to feel tired at times. But try not to yawn too much, even if you’re sleepy. And if you do yawn, cover your mouth politely and avoid making noise. If you’re feeling tired—have a bit of caffeine before the service to help stay alert and respectful.

Moving Around Excessively

People Weraing Black and Standing Over a Grave
Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels

You might get restless or fidgety during a funeral or from sitting still for a while. It can really distract other guests and the people speaking upfront. Try your best to sit calmly and show respect. If you need to move, do it quietly when there’s a good moment. If you tend to be fidgety—wear a ring or something you can play with quietly to keep yourself occupied without disturbing anyone.

Ignoring Parking Instructions

aerial view of cars parked on parking lot
Photo by John Matychuk on Unsplash

Please stick to the parking rules they give you. It keeps things smooth and shows you respect the people organizing everything. Get there early to grab a spot and follow the signs or instructions. This way, you won’t add to the day’s challenges.

Overstaying Your Welcome

a person reaching for a flower on a table
Photo by DEAD GOOD LEGACIES on Unsplash

After the service, if there’s a get-together, be aware of when it’s good to head out. Respect the family’s need for privacy and downtime. Sticking around too long can be tough on them if they need space to mourn alone. Watch for signals from the hosts and take off when it feels right, giving the family the room they require.