Lisa O
Respect is one of those things you can feel even before someone says a word, but when they do speak, their choice of words can make it crystal clear whether they value you or not. Some phrases might sound casual at first, but they reveal a lack of regard for your time, feelings, or opinions. Here are 15 things people say when they don’t truly respect you, and why they matter.
“You’re overreacting.”
When someone dismisses your feelings by saying this phrase, they’re telling you that your emotions aren’t valid or worth listening to. Instead of trying to understand why you feel the way you do, they brush it off and make you second-guess yourself. People who respect you will always acknowledge your feelings even if they don’t agree. Only those who don’t will make you feel dramatic for expressing them.
“Relax, it’s not a big deal.”
This usually comes when you point out a problem or set a boundary, and the other person wants to downplay it. They make it sound like you’re being too serious, but in reality, it’s their way of avoiding accountability. Someone who respects you will take your concerns seriously, even if they see the situation differently, instead of telling you to just let it go.
“That’s stupid.”
Name-calling disguised as “honesty” is a common way people show they don’t value your thoughts or ideas. By calling something you say “stupid,” they shut down the conversation and make you feel small. Respectful people can disagree without insulting you, but those who lack respect go straight for hurtful words instead of thoughtful discussion.
“Whatever.”
It’s a very short word, but it can speak volumes. When someone responds with “whatever,” they’re signaling they don’t care enough to engage with what you’re saying. It’s dismissive, cold, and often used to end a conversation on their terms. People who respect you will at least give your point of view the courtesy of a real response.
“You’re too sensitive.”
This phrase often comes from people who cross your boundaries but don’t want to admit it. Instead of reflecting on their behavior, they make you feel like you’re the problem. It’s a subtle way of invalidating your feelings and making you less likely to speak up next time, which is exactly what someone who doesn’t respect you might want.
“Calm down.”
Telling someone to calm down rarely helps—it usually makes things worse. This phrase often shows the other person doesn’t want to deal with your emotions and would rather control the situation by shutting you down. A respectful person might ask what’s wrong or how they can help instead of giving you an order like this.
“I don’t have time for this.”
When someone says this during a discussion about something important to you, they’re showing that your concerns aren’t a priority for them. It’s different from genuinely being busy—this is about refusing to engage because they don’t think the conversation matters. People who respect you make time for important talks, even if it’s not convenient.
“You always…” or “You never…”
These sweeping statements are usually unfair and mostly untrue, but they’re a quick way for someone to attack your character instead of addressing the specific issue. Using absolutes like this can make you feel like you’re constantly failing, and it shows they’re not interested in understanding your side. Respectful communication focuses on actions, not exaggerated accusations.
“That’s just how I am.”
This phrase is used to excuse hurtful behavior instead of taking responsibility. It shuts down the possibility of change and puts the blame back on you for expecting better from the other party. When someone truly respects you, they’ll be willing to adjust their actions if they’re causing harm, instead of using their personality as a free pass to be inconsiderate.
“You wouldn’t understand.”
This can be especially insulting because it assumes you lack the intelligence, experience, or capacity to grasp what they’re talking about. It puts you in an inferior position and creates a wall between you. Even if they think you might not know all the details, someone who respects you will explain rather than make you feel excluded.
“Stop making it about you.”
There are times when this might be fair, but mostly people say this to silence you when you share how something affects you. It’s a way of dismissing your perspective and implying that your feelings are self-centered, even if the conversation naturally involves you. Respect means letting people express how they’re impacted without shaming them for it.
“I’m just being honest.”
People who use this phrase often follow it with something unnecessarily cruel. It’s a way of hiding behind the idea of honesty while avoiding the responsibility of being respectful. True honesty doesn’t require insults or belittling—someone who respects you will find a way to share their thoughts without tearing you down.
“Lighten up.”
This is another way of saying your feelings aren’t valid and you should stop taking things so seriously. It might seem like a harmless comment, but it can make you feel like your concerns are silly or unimportant. Someone who respects you won’t mock you for caring about something—they’ll try to understand why it matters to you.
“I already told you.”
When said with an annoyed tone, this phrase can make you feel stupid for needing clarity or repetition. Instead of patiently explaining again, they make it clear they think you should have remembered the first time. A respectful person understands that people process information differently and will answer your questions without making you feel bad.
“You’re lucky I’m even here.”
This one might sound dramatic, but it’s a clear sign someone doesn’t value your time or presence. It puts you in a position where you feel you owe them gratitude for something that should be mutual. Relationships built on respect see both people as equals, not one doing the other a reluctant favor by simply showing up.