Lisa O
Love shouldn’t feel like a puzzle. When someone truly cares, their actions line up with their words. But sometimes, men hide behind gestures that look like affection on the surface but don’t hold up when life tests them. Pretending to love someone takes effort and the cracks usually show if you know where to look.
They Say the Right Words but Avoid Action
A man who’s only pretending will never struggle to say the words you want to hear. He’ll tell you he loves you, make promises about the future and talk like he’s committed. But when it comes time to act, nothing follows. Plans fall apart, your needs are brushed aside, and responsibility is dodged. Real love proves itself in effort. Without action, those words are nothing more than a script meant to keep you close.
They Shower You With Attention Only in Public
Some men like being seen as the perfect boyfriend, so they turn on the charm when others are watching. They’ll hold your hand at dinner or post pictures of you online, but in private, the warmth cools. Love that flickers when the audience disappears isn’t love at all. It’s performance. When affection is more about appearances than connection, it leaves you questioning where you really stand.
They Use Gifts to Replace Real Connection
Expensive dinners, jewelry, or flashy gestures may look like love, but they can be distractions. A man pretending to love you often relies on material things to cover the lack of intimacy, support or emotional presence. Gifts are nice, but they can’t replace genuine care. If you feel emptier after the sparkle fades, chances are the presents were meant to buy time, not to build closeness.
They Disappear When You Need Support
Anyone can enjoy the fun parts of a relationship, but love proves itself during hardship. A man pretending to love you will avoid the heavy moments — the bad days, the late-night worries, the times you need help. Excuses pile up, leaving you to shoulder pain alone. His absence during your struggles shows that his love isn’t rooted in care, only in convenience.
They Deflect Serious Conversations
When love is real, men are willing to talk about fears, plans, or the state of the relationship. A man pretending often sidesteps those talks. He’ll joke, change the subject or become defensive whenever the topic turns serious. Avoidance may keep things light, but it also keeps things shallow. Over time, the lack of depth reveals that he isn’t invested in a lasting bond.
They Make You Doubt Yourself
Love is supposed to make you feel stronger but a man faking it often does the opposite. He’ll downplay your achievements, laugh at things that matter to you, or turn your insecurities into running jokes. These comments chip away at confidence bit by bit. It’s not clumsiness — it’s control. When affection leaves you questioning your worth instead of feeling safe and supported, you’re not with someone who loves you.
They Overpromise but Underdeliver
Big promises come easily to a man who’s pretending — trips you’ll take, dreams you’ll build, futures you’ll share. But the follow-through never comes. His words create excitement but also a cycle of disappointment. Each broken promise chips away at trust until you realize his future plans are bait, not genuine intentions.
They Avoid Meeting Your Inner Circle
Someone who truly wants a future with you looks forward to knowing the people you care about. If he constantly makes excuses to skip family dinners or avoids your friends, it says a lot. Keeping his distance means avoiding accountability and staying free to walk away. Real partners step into your world and connect with it. Pretenders stay at the edges, never blending lives because they were never planning to.
They Pull Away When You Set Boundaries
A man pretending to love you enjoys the relationship as long as it meets his terms. The moment you ask for respect, space or fairness, he pulls back. True love adapts and values boundaries but pretending falters when challenged. If he treats your needs as inconveniences, his affection was never about partnership, only about comfort.
They Keep You Guessing About Their Feelings
Instead of offering clarity, a pretending man leaves you in confusion. Some days he’s warm, other days distant. This inconsistency keeps you chasing reassurance. Real love is steady, not a guessing game. If you spend more time decoding his mood than feeling secure, it’s a sign his love is more illusion than reality.
They Make Excuses for Broken Trust
When mistakes happen, true love seeks repair. A man pretending to love you may lie, deflect or make excuses instead. He’ll twist stories or shift blame to avoid accountability. Excuses create a cycle where your forgiveness is stretched thin while he escapes responsibility. Without honesty, love can’t grow, and excuses prove the foundation was never real.
They Use Jealousy as a Control Tactic
Some pretending men act jealous to disguise control as passion. They may question your friendships, monitor your time or frame mistrust as “caring too much.” Real love trusts. Control dressed as concern only cages you. If jealousy feels more like surveillance than affection, it’s a tactic, not a testament of love.
They Avoid Sharing Their True Selves
A man who pretends keeps parts of himself hidden. He may share surface details but avoids vulnerability. You know his habits but not his hopes, his routines but not his fears. Love grows in openness. If he walls off his true self, what he offers you is a version built to impress, not the reality of his heart.
They Show Affection Only When It Benefits Them
Affection can be timed for advantage — more hugs when they want forgiveness, more tenderness when they need something. This conditional love makes you feel like care must be earned. True love doesn’t work on transaction. If affection comes only when it benefits him, it’s proof he’s managing appearances, not giving freely.
They Leave You Feeling Lonely in the Relationship
Perhaps the clearest sign is how you feel. Love should bring comfort, trust, and companionship. If instead you feel lonely, insecure, or unheard, his actions are telling you more than his words ever could. Pretending can mimic the look of love but never the feel of it. Loneliness in a relationship isn’t normal — it’s a signal that his love isn’t real.