Lisa O
Men and women constantly misread each other in the same situations. He does something that feels completely normal to him. She sees it differently and takes it the wrong way. These situations aren’t meant to hurt anyone or cause problems. They happen because men and women communicate in ways that don’t naturally line up. Knowing where the confusion starts can help avoid many pointless arguments and unnecessary hurt feelings.
Jumping straight into fix-it mode.
She talks about a problem at work or with friends. He starts solving it without asking what she needs. She didn’t ask for solutions. She wanted someone to listen and understand why it bothers her. He thinks offering fixes shows he cares. The mismatch happens because listening and problem-solving feel like different things. What makes him feel supported isn’t what makes her feel heard.
Going quiet when things get heated.
During fights or tense conversations, some men stop talking entirely. She thinks this means he doesn’t care enough to work things out with her. He’s trying not to say something he’ll regret, even as emotions run high and he can’t think straight. Talking when feelings are intense doesn’t work well for everyone. The silence looks like giving up. To him, it’s hitting pause to think clearly and respond better.
Never texting or calling first.
Days go by without him reaching out or making any contact. She starts wondering whether he’s losing interest in the relationship or whether he doesn’t think about her much when they’re apart. To him, everything seems totally fine since they just hung out recently and had a good time. He doesn’t need constant contact or daily communication to feel connected to someone. She does. Neither realizes they’re measuring connection differently.
Disappearing after getting home.
He walks in from work and goes straight to another room to be alone. She reads it as avoidance or not wanting to spend time with her. He used up all his social energy dealing with people at work all day. Being social and performing for eight hours straight drains some people way more than others. The alone time helps him reset and recharge so he can be present later.
Making jokes when she’s serious
She brings up something important that’s bothering her. He cracks a joke in response. It feels like he’s brushing off what matters to her or not taking the situation seriously. Humor is how he handles uncomfortable moments and tension he doesn’t know how to process. Heavy emotional conversations make him tense and awkward. The joke isn’t meant to dismiss her feelings. It’s his way of dealing with stress that doesn’t translate well to her.
Keeping problems to himself.
His mood shifts, but he stays quiet about why. She notices something has changed and asks what’s wrong. He brushes it off or says it’s nothing. From her view, this reads as deliberate distance or shutting her out. He figures working through his stuff alone keeps her from unnecessary worrying. Ends up causing way more concern than just saying what’s bothering him would have in the first place.
Being blunt about needing space.
“Can’t tonight, too tired.” That’s the whole text message. She reads it three times, looking for more context or for a softer tone. There’s nothing else coming. Feels cold and dismissive. He sent exactly what he meant without padding. Adding fluff or manufacturing fake excuses seems pointless to him when the real answer is just no. Ends up hurting worse than if he’d dressed it up somehow with apologies.
Not showing emotion outwardly.
Someone close to them gets devastating news about their health. She starts crying immediately. He sits there with a completely blank expression on his face. She looks over and sees nothing there at all. Figures he must not be affected by this, or doesn’t really care that much. Wrong read entirely. His insides are twisted up, and his mind is racing. The feeling just never makes it to his face.
Preferring to do things over talking.
He suggests an activity like going for a walk or working on something instead of sitting down to talk. Looks like he’s dodging real conversation or avoiding intimacy. For him, doing things side by side is a way to connect and bond. Talking without any activity attached feels awkward or pointless. She bonds through conversation. He bonds through shared experiences. Both work, but they don’t overlap much.
Not making eye contact consistently.
He doesn’t hold eye contact the whole time they talk. His gaze moves around the room. She thinks he’s not listening or doesn’t care about the conversation. Staring at someone nonstop for minutes makes him uncomfortable. Glancing away actually helps him focus on the words better and process what she’s saying. Has nothing to do with hiding something or not caring about what she says.
Responding with logic instead of empathy.
She’s upset and overwhelmed. He immediately starts listing solutions or presenting facts. The practical approach feels dismissive of what she’s going through. He treats emotions like problems that need fixing with information. She needs acknowledgment and validation of her feelings first before any solutions. What she wants from him and what he offers are two different forms of support that rarely match up.
Forgetting dates and milestones.
Their anniversary comes and goes. He forgot about it completely. She’s hurt because it seems like the day meant nothing to him. His brain doesn’t bookmark dates well at all. The moment mattered when it happened, but the specific date slipped away fast. She remembers milestones and important moments by their exact dates. He remembers experiences and feelings without the calendar attached to them.
Not retaining details from conversations.
She brings up the thing she mentioned last week about her friend’s upcoming wedding. He has no recollection of this entire conversation. Tries hard to remember and gets basic facts totally wrong. She feels dismissed and ignored because this really mattered to her, and he retained absolutely none of it. The conversation definitely happened from his perspective. The specific details just didn’t stick around afterward.
Taking fine at face value.
She says she’s fine when she’s obviously not. He believes her at face value and moves on. Seems clear to her that fine means the exact opposite. He takes words literally at their dictionary meaning unless told otherwise. She expects him to read between the lines and pick up cues. He’s going off what was actually said out loud. The gap between literal and implied meaning trips them up over and over.
Not asking follow-up questions.
She tells him about her day and something significant that happened. He listens and nods along. Then silence. She waits for him to ask more or show curiosity about what she shared. Nothing comes. Feels like he doesn’t actually care about her life. He heard what she said and figured she told him everything she wanted to share. Asking questions seems like prying unless she indicates there’s more to tell.