Lisa O
Being single in church comes with unique challenges, and one of the hardest parts is dealing with the comments that come from well-meaning people. Most of the time, these words are meant to encourage, but they can also add pressure or sting in ways that others do not realize. Here are 15 things Christian singles hear too often in church settings.
“You Just Need More Faith”
This phrase is common, but it can feel dismissive. Singles are often told that if they pray harder, trust more, or believe with greater confidence, the right person will appear. While faith is central to the Christian life, hearing this can make someone feel like their singleness is a sign of spiritual weakness. Instead of encouragement, it sometimes leaves them feeling guilty or inadequate.
“Have You Tried Online Dating?”
Online dating is usually suggested as a quick fix. For some, it has worked beautifully, but not every Christian single feels comfortable with the process. The endless swiping and surface-level connections can feel far from the intentional relationships they hope for. When people keep bringing it up, it sounds like they are not doing enough, when in reality, they may prefer another path.
“Don’t Be Too Picky”
This is one of the most frustrating things singles hear. Wanting a partner who shares their faith, values, and life goals is not being picky; it is being wise. Yet, many are told they are holding out for too much. This comment can create doubt and make someone feel as though their standards are unreasonable, when in truth, they are protecting their future and their faith.
“You’re Still Young, You Have Time”
This phrase is usually meant to calm worries, but it can feel dismissive. Singleness can feel heavy, no matter how old someone is. Telling them they are still young brushes over the longing for companionship and makes it sound like they should not have any concerns yet. While age does matter in certain ways, it does not erase the desire for a loving, committed relationship.
“Maybe God Wants You Single”
This is one of the hardest statements to hear, especially when it comes without sensitivity. For some, lifelong singleness is a calling, but for many, the desire for marriage is strong and deeply personal. Suggesting that God wants them single can feel discouraging and even cruel. It can make them wonder if their dreams are wrong, instead of affirming that their longing for marriage is valid.
“Marriage Isn’t Everything”
Yes, marriage is not the ultimate goal of life, but when this phrase is spoken casually, it can sound like a way of minimizing pain. Singles already know that purpose comes from more than a relationship, but that truth does not erase their desire for companionship. When people repeat this too often, it can feel like a reminder of what they are missing rather than comfort.
“Why Are You Still Single?”
This question is often asked out of curiosity, but it can sting the most. It places singles in the uncomfortable position of needing to explain something they likely do not have an answer for. It can make them feel like they are flawed or doing something wrong. Instead of support, it comes across as criticism. It assumes that being single is a problem to fix.
“I Know Someone I Can Set You Up With”
Well-meaning friends and church members often play matchmaker, introducing singles to anyone else who happens to be available. While sometimes these introductions go well, more often they feel awkward and forced. Being single does not mean compatibility with every other unattached person. Repeated setups can start to feel like people only see them through the lens of being single, not as whole individuals with their own identity.
“Just Wait on God’s Timing”
This advice is true in principle, but it is often said so often that it becomes frustrating. Singles already know about waiting on God’s timing, and many already pray daily about it. What they long for is not a reminder of the process, but understanding and encouragement as they walk through it. The repetition of this phrase can make waiting feel like a test they keep failing.
“You Must Love Being Free”
People sometimes assume that singleness means constant independence, flexibility, and adventure. While there are blessings in being able to make decisions without compromise, freedom does not replace the longing for companionship. For some singles, hearing this feels like others are dismissing their struggles by focusing only on the positives. Yes, independence can be good, but it does not erase the ache of wanting a partner.
“Have You Tried Serving More at Church?”
Sometimes singles are told that serving more in ministry will either distract them from singleness or lead them to someone special. Service is meaningful, but it should not be framed as a way to escape or solve singleness. This advice makes it sound like they are not doing enough already, when in reality, many singles are deeply involved. It can come across as transactional instead of encouraging.
“You’ll Meet Someone When You Least Expect It”
This line is repeated with cheerful confidence, but it can feel unhelpful. It suggests that if someone is single, it is because they are trying too hard or waiting with too much expectation. While it may be true in some stories, it is not a formula. God’s plan is unique for everyone, and suggesting otherwise can feel like a way of brushing off their experience.
“Don’t Worry, God Is Preparing Someone for You”
This phrase is usually said with good intentions, but it can create false hope. Not every Christian single is guaranteed marriage, and framing it as a certainty can make disappointment harder later. It also shifts focus from God’s work in their own life to an expectation of another person. While it sounds comforting, it can actually deepen discouragement when things do not unfold as expected.
“You’ll Understand When You’re Married”
This statement makes singleness feel like a lesser stage of life. It suggests that singles are missing out on the wisdom or maturity they cannot access until they marry. The truth is that every season brings its own lessons, and singleness does not make someone less capable of understanding God’s love or purpose. This comment can isolate singles further by making them feel excluded from full participation.
“Enjoy This Season While It Lasts”
This is often said with kindness, encouraging singles to embrace the freedom of their current stage of life. However, it can sound hollow when spoken to someone struggling with loneliness. Singles do know there are blessings in this season, but that awareness does not take away their longing for companionship. Instead of encouragement, it can feel like a dismissal of the real challenges they face daily.