Lisa O
Feeling like you’re chasing after someone who doesn’t feel the same can bring you down. It’s very important to focus on yourself instead. But we know it’s tough when your feelings aren’t returned. People might say to just move on, but that’s easier said than done—especially if you really like them. Here are 15 steps to take when someone shows no interest in you.
Give Yourself Some Breathing Room
It’s normal to feel upset when things don’t go as you hoped, but it’s super important not to get angry immediately if someone isn’t interested. Pause, take a deep breath, and think before you react. If this person is important to you and you care about your relationship—you don’t want to ruin it with a quick, angry response.
Remember, It’s Not About You
Even if someone turns you down or isn’t interested, it probably isn’t about you personally. You might feel like something is wrong with you—but they might just have other things on their mind or are happy on their own. When someone politely says no, it’s not meant to hurt you, so try not to get defensive.
Have a Heart-to-Heart
It’s natural to want to understand more, but don’t get upset and demand answers about why someone doesn’t like you. If you want to talk about it—try to have a calm and sensible conversation. Some therapists suggest keeping your discussion focused on what’s happening now for the best outcome. Demanding answers will only make things worse.
Feel Your Feels
Nobody has to like you back, but it’s okay to feel sad if someone you want doesn’t feel the same. It’s very important to deal with these feelings of being turned down; otherwise, you can’t move forward. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s crucial for growing. With time, you can learn to handle your feelings well, and many people find it helpful to talk to a therapist.
Write it Down, Let it Out
Dealing with your emotions is tough, but bottling them up isn’t always the answer. Here’s a neat trick from coaching leaders: try writing an unsent/no-send letter. It’s like talking to the person without them actually reading it. Plus, putting your thoughts on paper can give you a fresh perspective when you revisit them later.
Distance Yourself a Bit
It can be tough, but sometimes, you need some space to let things calm down. If you tell someone you like them and they say no, being around them constantly can keep hurting. Tell them you need some time apart, then use that time to think and understand what happened. Try to take control of the situation.
Don’t Dwell on What-Ifs
It’s normal to keep replaying those challenging moments that hurt or made you feel embarrassed. But dwelling on that moment of rejection won’t ease your mind. Remind yourself that you’ve already said what you had to say and can’t go back in time to change it. The more you dwell on it—the more you’ll keep torturing yourself.
Take a Social Media Break
When we really like someone, many of us check their social media a lot—but that’s not a good idea! It hurts when someone isn’t interested in you, and seeing their pictures all the time makes it worse. So try to stay away from social media and don’t message them. It’s like hurting yourself slowly until you figure something out.
Grieve the Loss
When you tell someone you like them, and they don’t feel the same, things will change between you two from then on. It’s okay to feel sad about how things were before—even if you’re glad you spoke up. This change is big, and it’s normal to feel sad about it. Mourning is essential because it helps you start to feel better.
You’re Not Alone in This
Feeling like someone isn’t into you can be tough, but here’s a reminder: you’re not alone in this. It might not feel comfortable at first but know that plenty of others have been in your shoes before. You’re part of a big club—and you’re definitely not the first or last person to go through this.
Keep Yourself Occupied
Keeping busy is a great way to stop thinking about things that are bothering you. Get into your work and hobbies, or try new things to fill your time. By focusing on making your life better, you’ll see that you can be happy even without that one person. It’ll help you move forward. But remember—being too busy can make you feel stressed or not so good about yourself.
Share Your Feelings with Someone
Dealing with rejection can sting, but guess what? Sharing that experience with someone else can be surprisingly liberating! It’s like giving your feelings some breathing room without dragging the other person into it. Plus, catching up with friends is a great way to shake off those blues and return to everyday life.
Boost Your Self-Esteem
Getting turned down can shake your confidence, but here’s a reminder: you’ll never know if you don’t try. Don’t let one setback determine everything. If you do, you’ll only hold yourself back. Psychology Today says being confident means you know yourself and feel okay with who you are. And if you have to pretend to be confident until you really feel it—give it a shot!
Stay Open to New Possibilities
It’s crucial to take time to think about your feelings and feel sad about what didn’t happen—but you don’t have to stay unhappy forever. Just because the person you liked wasn’t interested doesn’t mean nobody else will be. Keep yourself open to new opportunities and concentrate on finding someone who’s a great match for you.
Learn and Move Forward
Think about this: if everything always went perfectly, how would we learn and improve? It might sound a bit like a saying from a movie, but every time we face a problem and get through it—it helps us get better and become the person we’re meant to be. Instead of only focusing on the bad parts of a tricky situation, see it as a chance to learn and keep moving forward.