Lisa O
Everyone puts effort into looking good when it counts. A job interview brings out the best version of someone. Same with meeting new people at a party. But those moments are planned and controlled. What really tells you about someone is how they act when nothing’s at stake. A random interaction with a cashier or the way they respond to a minor problem reveals more than any prepared conversation ever could.
How they treat servers and cashiers.
This shift happens at restaurants when the waiter approaches the table. Someone who was just laughing suddenly goes blank. Their voice flattens out. They don’t bother looking up from the menu. The words come out clipped and distant, like they’re talking to a machine rather than a person. Five seconds later, they’re back to being warm with their friends. It’s jarring to notice once you do.
Their reaction when plans fall through.
A canceled reservation or unexpected traffic shouldn’t ruin anyone’s day, but it absolutely ruins certain people’s days. They get stuck on how things were supposed to go. The backup plan feels like a failure to them. Everything spirals, and suddenly they’re angry at the restaurant or the friend who’s running late. Meanwhile, the evening could’ve been salvaged easily if they’d just pivoted without drama.
Whether they put the shopping cart back.
This one sounds silly, but it matters. Returning a cart to the corral takes maybe thirty seconds. Nobody forces anyone to do it. There’s no reward and no real punishment for leaving it in the parking lot. Some people walk it back every time without thinking twice. Others leave it wherever their car happens to be. It’s a tiny choice that shows whether someone does the right thing when it would be easier not to.
How they talk about people who aren’t around.
Someone who constantly gossips or tears people down behind their backs will eventually do the same to anyone. They might be sweet to someone’s face and then trash them the second they leave the room. It creates weird tension because you start wondering what they say when you’re not there. People who respect others don’t need to put them down for entertainment.
Whether they admit when they’re wrong.
Watch what happens when someone realizes they got a fact wrong during a conversation. Do they acknowledge it quickly and move on, or do they start backtracking and making excuses? Some people will rewrite the entire discussion in their head to avoid saying those three words. The mental gymnastics are exhausting to witness. Admitting a simple mistake shouldn’t be that hard.
How they respond to someone else’s good news.
A coworker mentions they got promoted, or a friend announces their engagement. Pay attention to the faces around the room when this happens. Genuine excitement is easy to spot. So is the forced smile that disappears as soon as they think no one’s watching. Some people can’t stand seeing others win at anything. It eats at them even when it has nothing to do with their own life.
What they do when nobody’s watching.
An empty parking lot reveals more than a crowded room ever will. Does someone put their shopping cart back or leave it rolling between cars? Do they pick up the wrapper that fell out of their pocket or keep walking? These moments when there’s zero social pressure show whether someone’s decency is real or just performance art for an audience.
Their response to being corrected.
Nobody likes hearing they’re wrong. It’s uncomfortable, no matter how nice someone phrases it. But the reaction afterward matters more than the initial sting. Defensiveness kicks in immediately for certain people. They argue harder. They refuse to budge even when the facts are right there. Ego won’t allow it. Then some people pause. They actually consider what was said. Learning something new beats being right.
Whether they keep small promises.
Big commitments are hard to forget. Weddings. Work presentations. Important meetings. Those get remembered. But the casual promises disappear fast. Someone says they’ll send you that recipe or return your book. Weeks go by. It never happens. Those things weren’t binding, so they didn’t really count as promises. Consistency shows up in the small follow-through just as much as the big stuff.
How they handle a slow internet connection.
The Wi-Fi goes out in the middle of loading a page. Maybe it takes an extra minute to reconnect. Watch what happens during that minute. Does the person just switch to something else or check their phone while waiting. Or do they start slamming things and yelling at the screen like the router personally wronged them. It’s such a minor inconvenience that happens multiple times every single day.
Whether they actually listen or just wait to talk.
Most people don’t really listen when someone else is talking. They’re just waiting for their turn to speak while keeping track of enough to know when to jump back in. Someone’s halfway through explaining something, and you can see the other person’s attention already drifting away. They cut in before the thought finishes and redirect everything back to their own experience within about five seconds.
How they interact with animals.
Animals can’t do anything for someone’s career or social status. They can’t offer connections or boost anyone’s reputation. So how someone treats a dog at the park, or a cat in a friend’s apartment, reveals something pure about their nature. Some people ignore animals completely, while others get annoyed by them. Others automatically reach down to pet a dog or talk to a cat.
Whether they clean up their own mess.
Coffee gets spilled. Papers fall off the table. Food drops on the floor. Accidents happen constantly. What separates people is whether they grab napkins right away or just leave them there. Some people clean up automatically without thinking about it. Others walk away and let it become someone else’s problem to handle later.
Their reaction when someone else gets complimented.
A group of people is talking when someone compliments one of them. Most people just smile or agree. But watch the person who wasn’t complimented. Some visibly deflating or change the subject quickly. They might immediately bring up their own accomplishments or find a way to diminish what was praised. Secure people don’t feel threatened when others receive recognition. Insecure people treat every compliment as a competition they’re losing.
Whether they say thank you to people doing their jobs.
Some people move through the world without acknowledging anyone who works around them. The bus driver. The janitor. The person holding the door. They’re background noise. Other people naturally thank them for the small things. It’s not required, and nobody expects it. These workers are just doing their jobs after all. But saying thanks recognizes that another person just made your day a little easier.