Lisa O
Love is supposed to feel safe, steady, and real. But sometimes, a partner stays in a relationship without true affection. They say the right words, offer surface-level affection, and play the part of being “in love,” yet something feels off. Pretending to love someone is cruel because it traps the other person in a relationship built on lies. If you’ve ever felt that your partner’s actions do not match their words, these signs may help you recognize the truth.
Their Words and Actions Rarely Match
A partner who pretends to love you can say “I love you” without showing it. They may use the phrase like a shield to stop you from questioning them, but their behavior tells a different story. Genuine love is consistent in words and actions. When the affection is real, you don’t have to wonder whether they mean it — you see it in the way they treat you daily.
They Show Affection Only When It Benefits Them
If your partner only acts loving when they want something, that affection isn’t genuine. They may become sweet when they need forgiveness, intimacy, or support, but when you don’t meet their needs, their warmth vanishes. This conditional affection is a performance, not love. Real love isn’t transactional — it doesn’t switch off the moment it isn’t convenient.
They Avoid Emotional Intimacy
A partner who pretends to love you will keep conversations shallow. They don’t want to open up about their feelings, future, or fears because vulnerability requires real connection. You may find that every attempt at a deeper discussion gets deflected, dismissed, or quickly changed to a lighter topic. Love involves letting someone truly see you, and if your partner never allows that, they may only be pretending.
They Rarely Make Sacrifices for You
Love shows itself through effort and compromise. If your partner constantly expects you to adjust, but they never inconvenience themselves for your well-being, it’s a clear red flag. Pretending to love someone is easy when it costs nothing. True love, however, involves sacrifice — showing up for you even when it isn’t easy or comfortable.
They Withhold Affection in Public
Some partners act affectionate in private but become distant in public. If they avoid holding your hand, showing pride in you, or acknowledging you as their partner, it may be because their love is an act they don’t want to display consistently. Love doesn’t hide. If they’re proud to love you, it shows both behind closed doors and out in the open.
They Don’t Invest in Your Happiness
When someone truly loves you, your happiness matters to them. They’ll celebrate your achievements, support your goals, and want to see you thrive. A partner pretending to love you will often appear indifferent, or worse, resentful of your joy. If they dismiss your dreams or make you feel guilty for being happy, it’s not love — it’s selfishness in disguise.
They Keep You at Emotional Arm’s Length
A partner who pretends to love you might avoid saying too much about the future, using phrases like “let’s just see where this goes.” They don’t share real plans or long-term commitment because they aren’t invested. By keeping you at arm’s length, they get the benefits of being with you without giving the depth of commitment that real love requires.
They Use “Love” as a Tool to Control You
Sometimes, false affection is used as manipulation. Your partner may say, “If you loved me, you would…” or guilt you into compliance using the word love. This isn’t real love — it’s control. When love becomes a bargaining chip, it loses its sincerity. True love supports and uplifts; it never uses emotional pressure to get its way.
They Show Little Curiosity About Your Life
Love naturally comes with curiosity — a desire to know your thoughts, feelings, hopes, and stories. If your partner never asks about your day, your struggles, or your passions, it’s a sign they are emotionally disconnected. Pretending to love someone doesn’t require learning who they are at a deeper level. Genuine love always seeks to understand.
They Prioritize Others Over You Consistently
While every partner has other commitments, a loving partner makes you feel valued. If your partner constantly puts others first — friends, work, hobbies — and rarely prioritizes you, their affection may not be real. Pretending to love you doesn’t cost them anything, but showing real love requires putting you first at times. Consistently being at the bottom of their priority list speaks volumes.
They Avoid Conflict by Shutting You Down
Disagreements are normal in healthy relationships. But a partner who pretends to love you avoids resolving issues. They might dismiss your feelings, refuse to talk, or say “you’re overreacting” whenever you raise concerns. This avoidance keeps the relationship surface-level. True love works through problems together, while fake love avoids responsibility to keep the illusion intact.
They Rarely Express Genuine Gratitude
A partner who truly loves you will notice your efforts and appreciate them. When someone is pretending, they take you for granted. They expect your support, your patience, and your presence without acknowledging it. If you feel invisible despite giving so much, it may be because their affection is an act, not a reflection of deep gratitude.
They Withhold Physical Intimacy as Punishment
Physical affection is one of the clearest expressions of love. If your partner deliberately withholds it to punish you, it’s not about love but control. They use closeness like a reward instead of a natural expression of care. This on-and-off cycle is manipulative and reveals that their affection is conditional — offered only when it serves them.
They Keep You Guessing About Where You Stand
If you’re constantly questioning whether they really love you, that’s a sign in itself. A partner who truly loves you makes you feel secure. But one who pretends keeps you guessing. They may say “I love you” one day and act cold the next, creating emotional confusion. This inconsistency isn’t love; it’s a performance that keeps you hooked while they withhold real commitment.
You Feel Lonely Even When You’re With Them
Perhaps the strongest sign is how you feel in their presence. If you constantly feel lonely, unseen, or unloved even while sitting next to them, it’s because the connection isn’t genuine. Real love brings warmth and reassurance, even in silence. When love is missing, the absence is heavy — a constant reminder that you’re with someone who is only pretending.