Lisa O
A good friend makes you feel lighter, seen, and understood. But sometimes, you walk away from time together feeling uneasy. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but something’s off — their tone, their energy, the way they react to your wins or struggles. They won’t admit they don’t like you, but their behavior tells the truth in small ways. These signs might help you see it more clearly.
They Rarely Initiate Plans
If you stopped texting, you might never hear from them again. You’re the one suggesting lunch, movie nights, or just catching up, while they rarely reach out first. Sometimes they agree, other times they give vague excuses about being “so busy,” yet you see them making time for others. After a while, you realize the friendship only exists when you keep it alive.
Their Support Feels Conditional
When something good happens, their “Congrats” feels like it’s coming from miles away — maybe followed by them glancing at their phone or changing the subject. But if you hit a rough patch, they’re suddenly tuned in, asking questions that feel more nosy than caring. You start to wonder if your lows make them feel a little better about themselves, because the warmth only seems to show up when you’re not doing well.
They Downplay Your Achievements
You share something you’re proud of — maybe you got a promotion, ran a personal best, or finally finished a project — and they brush it off. “Oh, that’s cool,” followed by a bigger story about themselves. Or worse, they poke holes in it: “Well, everyone’s getting promoted lately.” Instead of celebrating with you, they make sure you don’t get too comfortable in your win.
They Keep Conversations Surface-Level
You try opening up about something real, and they brush past it with a nod or a quick “Yeah, that’s tough.” Ask about their life, and you get short, vague answers. Every chat feels like you’re stuck in small talk mode, as if they’ve decided they don’t want the kind of closeness that comes with honest conversation.
You Notice Subtle Jabs Disguised as Jokes
They tease you about your clothes, your laugh, or something you care about, but in a way that feels just sharp enough to sting. When you call it out, they hide behind “Relax, I’m only joking.” The thing is, the jokes always land on the same sore spots. It’s humor with an edge, and you leave wondering why the punchline is always you.
They’re Distracted When You’re Talking
You’re telling a story and halfway through, they’re scrolling their phone or scanning the room. They might give a half-smile or say “Yeah” without actually listening. Later, they ask about something you already told them. You start cutting stories short because it’s obvious their mind is somewhere else, and it’s hard not to feel like you’re just background noise.
They Don’t Include You in Group Plans
You find out from Instagram that they went out with mutual friends — no text, no invite. When it happens once, you let it slide. When it happens repeatedly, you see the pattern. Sometimes they toss you a last-minute “You should come” when it’s too late to actually join, more to cover themselves than to genuinely include you.
They Seem Irritated by Your Presence
It’s in the eye rolls, the sighs, or the way they give short, clipped responses when you talk. They might even seem fine around others, but cold toward you. You catch yourself overthinking — “Did I say something wrong?” — when really, it’s their consistent impatience that’s the problem. Friends can have off days, but constant irritation is telling.
They Rarely Show Genuine Curiosity About Your Life
They don’t ask follow-up questions or remember things you’ve shared. If you mention an important meeting or event, they don’t check in later to see how it went. Instead, the focus always circles back to their world. Over time, you notice you know plenty about them, but they barely know anything about what’s happening in your life.
They’re Competitive in a Subtle Way
You tell them you’ve started a new hobby and suddenly they’re doing it too — but with a twist that makes theirs seem more impressive. If you mention a trip you’re planning, they bring up one that sounds more adventurous. It’s not playful competition; it’s a quiet one-upmanship that leaves you feeling like they’re keeping score instead of sharing in your excitement.
They’re Quick to Assume the Worst About You
One small misunderstanding, and they decide you meant the worst. They don’t ask for context, they don’t give you the benefit of the doubt — they just react. Maybe they accuse you of being selfish for missing an event without asking why, or assume a comment was meant to hurt them. It shows they’re ready to see you in a negative light.
They Don’t Defend You When It Matters
When someone else makes a dig at you, they stay silent or laugh along. If a rumor comes up, they don’t shut it down. A real friend will at least speak up in private if not in the moment, but their silence says a lot. It’s easier for them to blend in than risk standing up for you, even when you’d do it for them.
They Only Reach Out When They Need Something
The message starts with “Hey, quick question…” or “Do you have a minute?” and it’s almost always followed by a request — a ride, a favor, a contact. Rarely do they check in just to talk. Once they get what they came for, they’re gone until the next need comes up. That’s not friendship; that’s convenience disguised as connection.
You Feel Drained After Spending Time Together
Instead of feeling good, you leave interactions with them tired or uneasy. You replay conversations in your head, wondering if you did something wrong. They might not outright insult you, but the subtle tension wears you down. With a true friend, even difficult talks leave you feeling understood. With them, you feel smaller somehow.
Your Instincts Tell You Something’s Off
There’s no single moment you can point to, but deep down, you know. It’s in the way they look past you when you’re talking, how rarely they make space for you in their life, or the flatness in their voice when they say, “We should hang out sometime.” Your gut notices the things your mind tries to excuse.