Lisa O
It’s one thing to go through hard times—we all do. But some people turn every story into a sob story, not for comfort or healing, but to get their way. They twist facts, exaggerate pain, and act helpless to shift blame or control your choices. If you always feel guilty around them, you might be dealing with someone who uses victimhood as a weapon.
They Always Make You Feel Like the Bad Guy
Every disagreement somehow becomes your fault, even when it clearly isn’t. They twist the situation so they look hurt and you look harsh, even if you were the one being reasonable. You might start second-guessing yourself or apologizing when you did nothing wrong. Over time, this leaves you walking on eggshells around them just to avoid being made to feel guilty.
They Turn Every Issue Into an Attack on Them
You might try to bring up something small (like a miscommunication or a broken promise), and suddenly it becomes about how you’re “never happy” or “always picking on them.” They don’t actually solve the problem; they just shift the spotlight. Real conversations get hijacked by their emotions, so you end up comforting them instead of addressing what went wrong.
They Use Guilt to Control Your Decisions
They may act hurt when you set a boundary or say no, even when your request is perfectly reasonable. You’ll hear things like “I guess I just don’t matter to you” or “I’m used to being left out.” These phrases aren’t just emotional—they’re strategic. The goal is to make you feel so bad that you change your mind just to keep the peace.
They Never Apologize. They Just Get Sad
Instead of owning up to something, they’ll pout, go silent, or act wounded until you drop it. You’ll rarely hear the words “I was wrong” or “I’m sorry.” Instead, they rely on sulking to make you feel cruel for holding them accountable. Over time, you stop expecting apologies at all and just start giving in to their moods.
They Make Small Problems Feel Like Big Betrayals
You forget to call them back, or you cancel a plan, and suddenly they act like you don’t care at all. Their reaction feels way bigger than the situation calls for. Instead of talking it out, they act deeply wounded and make you feel like you’ve let them down in some huge way. It’s less about the event and more about keeping control.
They Use Tears as a Defense Mechanism
Crying can be completely valid, but in some cases, it’s weaponized. They might break down the moment they’re questioned or challenged, shutting the whole conversation down. If you always end up comforting them instead of solving the issue, it’s worth considering whether those emotions are being used to escape responsibility or avoid change.
They Always Have an Excuse for Bad Behavior
When they hurt someone or cause a problem, there’s always a backstory that explains it away. “I’ve just been under so much stress,” or “I didn’t mean it—I’m just going through a lot right now.” The excuse becomes more important than the impact. Instead of repairing the damage, they expect their struggle to cancel out accountability completely.
They Twist Your Words to Sound Like Attacks
You might calmly express a concern, and suddenly they’re accusing you of being cold, cruel, or unfair. Even neutral feedback gets turned into a personal insult. It’s hard to have honest conversations when every sentence you say gets thrown back at you. After a while, you stop speaking up altogether—just to avoid another emotional reaction.
They Seem to Always Be in Some Crisis
There’s always something going wrong in their life—always someone mistreating them, ignoring them, or making their life harder. These never-ending struggles make it feel like you always have to tread carefully. But if the pattern stays the same and nothing ever improves, it’s possible the drama isn’t just happening to them—they’re creating it to stay at the center of attention.
They Expect You to Drop Everything for Them
They might call at odd hours, show up unannounced, or act offended when you say you’re busy. If you don’t respond right away or prioritize their needs, they play the hurt card. You start feeling like being a good friend means sacrificing your time, energy, or peace of mind. That’s not support—it’s manipulation dressed up as emotional need.
They Use Their Past as a Constant Excuse
We all have painful histories, but someone playing the victim uses their past like a shield. Every bad decision, every toxic behavior gets pinned on something that happened years ago. While it’s okay to be shaped by your past, using it to avoid growth or accountability is another story. Real healing involves change, not clinging to old wounds to justify new harm.
They Never Celebrate Your Wins
You might share something good, like a promotion or personal success, and they immediately make the moment about them. They might get quiet, act unimpressed, or bring up how hard things are for them right now. It’s subtle, but it sucks the joy out of your happy moments. That kind of response isn’t about support—it’s about keeping the emotional spotlight on themselves.
They Act Powerless So You’ll Do the Work
They might claim they “can’t” handle things like conflict, responsibilities, or decisions, so you end up doing it for them. At first, it seems like you’re helping. But over time, you realize they’re capable—they just don’t want to take responsibility. Playing helpless keeps them from being held accountable and puts the burden on you to fix everything.
They Always Need You to Prove You Care
No matter how much time, support, or energy you give, it never feels like enough. They question your loyalty, test your patience, and constantly seek reassurance every single time. You end up exhausted, trying to prove your kindness while they continue to act misunderstood. That constant emotional pull isn’t love—it’s manipulation wrapped in neediness.
They Tell One-Sided Stories to Get Sympathy
When they talk about conflicts or past drama, they leave out anything that shows they played a part. These people show how others mistreated them but skip over their own behavior. The stories are designed to pull at your heartstrings and paint them as the innocent ones. If you start to notice missing pieces or details that don’t quite add up, trust your instinct every single time.