Lisa O
Friendships don’t always end with a fight or a final conversation. Sometimes they just fade. You stop texting as much. Plans get canceled more often. The connection feels different in a way you can’t quite name. It happens slowly enough that you might not notice until you’re already standing in the middle of it.
The texts get shorter.
You used to send paragraphs back and forth. Now it’s barely a sentence. Sometimes just an emoji. The conversations don’t go anywhere. You’re not actually talking anymore. You’re just proving to each other that you still exist. They send something, and you reply with the minimum. It feels like a routine neither of you knows how to break. The depth is gone.
You stop making plans without a reason.
At first, itâs just a rain check. Then it becomes two. Before long, every hangout gets postponed for ânext weekend.â You both pretend itâs just bad timing, but deep down, you know itâs more than that. The thought of meeting up doesnât bring excitement anymoreâit feels like another task to fit into the week. So you stop suggesting it.
They don’t know what’s happening in your life.
Big things are happening to both of you: new jobs, breakups or family stuff. But you’re finding out from others or on social media, rather than directly from each other. That gap says everything. You used to be the first person they’d tell. Now you’re somewhere down the list, or not on it at all. The distance isn’t just physical anymore.
The silences feel uncomfortable.
Quiet moments used to be natural between you two. Now they’re awkward. You’re both aware of the lack of conversation and the scrambling to fill it in. Anything. The comfort level has dropped significantly. Being around them takes effort when it never used to. You can feel the strain even when nobody’s talking, and that tension wasn’t there before.
You don’t share the little things anymore.
Those small daily updates have stopped completely. You see something that would’ve been perfect to send them, but you don’t. Your brain doesn’t automatically go to them anymore when something funny or interesting happens. Other people have taken that spot. They’re not your first call or your first text. That shift occurred gradually, but now it’s obvious and probably permanent.
They talk about people you don’t know.
Their stories involve names you’ve never heard before. You have no context for half of what they’re saying. There are entire friend groups and inside jokes that developed without you. They’ve built a life that doesn’t include you, and you’ve done the same thing. You’re both filling the space with other people rather than with each other.
You feel relieved when plans get canceled.
Something comes up, and honestly, you’re kind of glad. You don’t have to figure out what to talk about for two hours. You don’t have to pretend everything’s fine between you. That relief is telling. When you’re excited about not seeing someone who used to be important to you, it means something fundamental has changed. You should want to spend time with them, but you just don’t anymore.
You can’t remember the last real conversation.
Surface stuff is all that’s left. Work is fine. The weather is whatever. Family is good. But you haven’t talked about anything meaningful in forever. The conversations that used to last hours and cover everything don’t happen now. You’re not going deep with each other anymore. It’s all shallow and forgettable, and neither of you is trying to change that.
They don’t ask how you’re doing.
The question comes out automatically without any real curiosity behind it. You answer fine, and they accept it immediately. They’re not reading between the lines anymore. They don’t notice when you’re off or struggling. You could be having the worst week, and they wouldn’t pick up on it because they’re not paying that kind of attention to you anymore. The care has faded.
You stop apologizing for taking long to respond.
Days pass between messages, and nobody mentions it. You used to feel guilty about delayed responses. Now it’s just normal. Neither of you expects quick replies anymore because neither of you is prioritizing the conversation. The urgency is gone. You both understand on some level that this friendship isn’t what it used to be, even if you haven’t said it out loud yet.
Your other friends don’t ask about them.
People used to assume you’d both be at events. Now they only invite one of you. Your names aren’t linked together in other people’s minds anymore. Friends have stopped asking where they are or how they’re doing. The social understanding has shifted. Everyone else has noticed the distance, even if you’re still pretending it’s not happening.
You don’t defend them anymore.
Someone says something critical, and you just let it slide. You used to jump in immediately to explain or protect them. That instinct is gone now. You’re not invested enough to argue on their behalf. Maybe you even agree with the criticism. The loyalty that was automatic before now requires conscious effort, and you’re not willing to put in the effort.
The effort feels one-sided.
One person is clearly trying harder to keep this going. The other is just responding when necessary. It’s exhausting for whoever is putting in the work and probably frustrating for both of you. Friendships shouldn’t feel like pulling teeth. If it takes this much effort to maintain basic contact, then maybe it’s not supposed to continue. The imbalance makes everything worse.
You imagine life without them and it doesn’t hurt.
This is the big one. You think about what would happen if you just stopped reaching out. And it doesn’t devastate you. Maybe it even feels like it would simplify things. You can picture your future without them, and it looks completely fine. When the idea of losing someone doesn’t bother you anymore, it means you’ve already started the process of letting them go, whether you realize it or not.
You both know but nobody says it.
You’re both aware this friendship is ending. Nobody is confused about it. But saying it out loud makes it real, and neither of you wants to do that. So you keep texting occasionally. You say you should hang out soon. Both of you know it won’t happen. Maybe you’re waiting for them to stop trying first. Maybe it’s easier to let it fade away on its own.