Recognizing warning signs in a relationship is important, especially when dating someone new. To tackle these red flags, you first need to know what they look like and why they can be harmful. Sadly, some people end up accepting these red flags as just normal parts of the relationship—which can leave them open to emotional or physical harm. Here are 15 red flags not to ignore when dating someone new.
They make the relationship feel shallow
Sometimes, friendships or romantic relationships can feel stuck on a surface level. If things seem to be more about physical attraction or just hanging out without any real emotional connection, it might be time for a chat or to think about moving on. These kinds of relationships often lack the deeper bond and genuine connection you get in more serious, committed ones.
They engage in any form of abuse
Any kind of violence or dangerous behavior is a major red flag. It means your partner can’t handle their emotions in a healthy way. Disagreements happen in every relationship, but if things start to turn into abuse—whether it’s verbal, physical, or emotional—it’s time to get out. Staying in a situation like that is harmful, and your safety and well-being should always come first.
They gaslight you
Healthy disagreements are normal, but twisting the truth is a different story. Gaslighting happens when your partner tries to make you doubt yourself and hurt your self-esteem. If they’re doing things that make you feel insecure—that’s a big red flag. If you spot gaslighting, talk to your partner about it and consider seeking help.
They love to bomb you
What’s love bombing? It’s when someone rushes things, showering you with pricey gifts and many compliments to overwhelm you. They usually have an agenda. They might be trying to move in quickly because they don’t have a place to stay or hope you’ll fall in love soon, so you’ll overlook their bad behavior later.
They’re addicted to work
It’s pretty easy to spot issues like substance abuse or gambling problems, but a work addiction can look like a good thing at first. A person who’s always working might seem like they’re just super dedicated, but they might actually be anxious about stepping away from work. They might hide their struggle behind their success, but being addicted to work can make it very tough to have a healthy relationship over time.
They keep secrets from you
Honesty and trust are very important for a healthy relationship. If your partner is always keeping secrets or dodging your questions, it might mean they’re not fully open with you or don’t trust you completely. Even if some lies seem small, you should be super careful if it feels like your partner is lying to you a lot.
They’re always trying to please you
A partner who goes out of their way to make you happy in every part of your life might seem like a great thing, but it’s not always as positive as it looks. In fact, people-pleasing behavior can be a red flag. If someone is scared to speak up for themselves or can’t say no to others—they might not be showing you their true self.
They talk about or compare you to an ex
When you notice this red flag in a new romance, be cautious. If your partner frequently brings up their ex, whether in a good or bad way, it’s a sign they haven’t moved on. Their feelings about the past relationship are still strong, meaning they might be using the new relationship to deal with these unresolved emotions.
They avoid your friends and family
If your partner stays away from your family and friends, it might mean they don’t value their own relationships, both now and in the future. This can show they’re not keen on building a strong support network. Plus, people without friends might become clingy and dependent on you, which can be an issue unless that’s what you want.
They dodge deep conversations
If someone keeps dodging deep talks or avoids discussing their feelings, it’s a major red flag. This often happens because they’re worried about making the same mistakes again or they’re not ready to open up and be vulnerable after a rough breakup. Their reluctance might mean they’re still dealing with past hurts and not fully prepared for a serious new relationship.
They show inconsistent behavior
Does your partner text you a lot and then suddenly go silent for days? That’s a sign of inconsistency. If someone truly cares about you and is invested in the relationship, they’ll be consistent in their actions. This also applies to their emotions—being very hot and cold or changing from being super available to not available can be a red flag.
They’re extremely jealous
Trust is essential for a healthy relationship. If your partner is super jealous, it could mean they don’t trust you. Jealousy often comes from their own insecurities, which might make you feel bad about yourself, too. If you’re the one who’s struggling with trust issues—you need to decide if it’s something you can handle in the relationship.
They have different life goals
Finding someone with similar goals is super important if you’re in it for the long haul. It’s totally normal if your partner pushes you to grow, but having different life goals can lead to problems down the road. Keep an eye out for mismatches in things like wanting to get married, where you want to live, or if you want kids. These differences can affect your happiness in the long run.
They have a history of cheating
If someone has a history of cheating, whether it’s been with you or with someone else, you might find yourself constantly stressing that it could happen again. This worry can really mess with your peace of mind. Cheating can also hit hard on your mental health and self-confidence—making you feel like you’re not good enough for your partner.
They abuse substances
If your partner is always using substances, they might have an addiction. While substance abuse is a big red flag—it’s possible to work through these issues if your partner is willing to seek help or treatment. It’s essential to evaluate each situation individually. You’ll need to decide if it’s worth sticking around for or if it’s better for your own well-being to step away.