Lisa O
Getting over someone you cared about isn’t as simple as deleting photos or blocking a number. It’s messy, nonlinear, and often lonelier than people admit. One moment, you feel okay. The next, you’re right back in the what-ifs. If you’re stuck between hurting and healing, know that it’s not about “snapping out of it.” It’s about giving yourself honest tools to move forward—without pretending it never mattered.
Let Yourself Grieve
People talk about breakups like a clean cut, but it’s more like a slow unraveling. If you try to brush it off or rush through the pain, it’ll only resurface later. Let yourself cry, feel the emptiness, and sit with the discomfort. Grieving is proof that it meant something. You don’t have to be strong all the time. Real healing starts when you stop pretending you’re already fine.
Remove the Triggers
That playlist, those old messages, their social media—anything that pulls you back into the loop needs to go. You’re not being petty; you’re protecting your peace. It doesn’t mean you hate them. It means you respect your own healing enough to create distance. Keeping reminders around only stretches the pain. Make space for what helps, not what hurts.
Write It Out
You don’t need to write a novel, but putting your feelings on paper can help untangle the chaos in your mind. Write about what hurt, what you miss, what you’re angry about, and what you’ve learned. You’re not writing for closure—you’re writing to hear yourself clearly. Some truths only show up when you stop speaking and start writing.
Don’t Romanticize the Past
When someone leaves, it’s tempting to only remember the good parts. But the full picture includes the miscommunications, the doubts, the parts of you that felt unseen. Remind yourself why it ended—not to be bitter, but to stay grounded. Missing someone doesn’t mean you were meant to stay. You can honor the memories without erasing the reasons it didn’t work.
Reclaim Your Routine
It’s easy to lose pieces of yourself in a relationship, especially when your days became wrapped around someone else. Now’s the time to take back those little things—your morning routine, your music, your weekends. Start doing things on your terms again. You don’t have to reinvent your life. Just take small steps that remind you it still belongs to you.
Limit the Storytelling
Explaining what happened over and over can keep the pain fresh. Talking is helpful but there’s a difference between processing and spiraling. If every conversation circles back to them, it might be time to pull back. Not everyone deserves access to your pain, and not every detail needs dissecting. Sometimes, healing looks like quietly choosing not to repeat the story again today.
Move Your Body
You don’t have to become a gym rat, but movement helps more than people realize. A long walk, a yoga session or just stretching in your room can shift your state of mind. It’s not about distracting yourself—it’s about creating moments of clarity in your body when your thoughts are stuck. Some feelings process best through movement, not words.
Cut the “Maybe One Day” Mentality
Hanging onto hope that they’ll come back keeps you emotionally anchored to someone who’s no longer there. That imagined reunion might feel comforting in the short term, but it’s just a delay tactic. If they weren’t ready, respectful, or right for you before, clinging to a fantasy won’t make them change. Healing begins the moment you stop waiting for a different ending.
Focus on One Day at a Time
You don’t need a full recovery plan. You just need to get through today. That’s it. Thinking too far ahead only fuels anxiety. Focus on the meal you’ll make, the walk you’ll take, the task you’ll complete. Healing is built in ordinary days that add up, even when they don’t feel like progress in the moment.
Let the Silence Stay Silent
It’s tempting to reach out just to hear from them again. But silence doesn’t always need filling. If they haven’t checked in, don’t give yourself another wound by trying to change that. Sitting with the quiet can feel brutal, but it’s also honest. And honesty is what helps you finally move out of the in-between.
Don’t Rush Into a Distraction
Getting under someone new might numb the ache, but it doesn’t erase it. If you’re not ready to open your heart, don’t force yourself just to feel something. Rebounds often mask what’s unresolved. You don’t need to prove that you’re over it by dating again. Focus on reconnecting with yourself first. That foundation will make future relationships healthier anyway.
Surround Yourself With People Who Make You Feel Like Yourself
You don’t need a massive support system—just a few people who let you be real. Friends who don’t pressure you to move on faster, who can sit with your sadness without fixing it. The right people remind you of who you are when heartbreak tries to convince you otherwise. Healing happens faster when you’re not walking through it alone.
Don’t Measure Your Healing by Theirs
It’ll sting when you see them looking fine, or worse, happy. But what they post or how they act isn’t a scoreboard. People cope differently. Some distract. Some numb. Some perform. Their speed isn’t your standard. Keep your eyes on your own path. Healing isn’t a race, and even if they seem ahead, you have no idea what they’re carrying privately.
Say the Goodbye You Didn’t Get
Not all breakups come with closure. If you never got the final conversation, give it to yourself. Say what you needed to say—on a voice note, in a letter you don’t send, or just out loud when no one’s around. It’s not about their response. It’s about releasing what’s been sitting heavy in your chest. You deserve peace, even if it has to come from you.
Remember It Won’t Always Hurt Like This
It feels permanent now, but it won’t stay this sharp forever. One day, you’ll think about them without flinching. You’ll walk by the old spots without checking for their face. You’ll stop needing to make sense of everything. That day isn’t marked on a calendar, but it will come. Until then, give yourself the grace to get there on your own timeline—no rush, no shame.