Even if you mean well, it’s important to consider how your questions might affect the person you’re asking. Words really matter. Studies show that how you phrase something can activate different parts of the brain and even influence how someone experiences pain. People often interpret events based on the words used—making them seem either positive or negative. Here are 15 questions polite people never ask!
“Why aren’t you in a relationship yet?”
Thoughtful and polite people avoid asking about someone’s relationship status because it can be a touchy topic for many. Plus, using the words “still single” can sound judgmental and make the question feel even more awkward. On the flip side, avoiding someone just because you’re scared of saying the wrong thing can be a sign that you’re a bit too polite.
“Why haven’t you proposed yet?”
Even in long-term relationships, not everyone is planning to get married. The only people who should be talking about this are the ones in the relationship. If you’re just looking for an excuse to attend a big party, why not host one yourself? And calling people out about their relationship status on Facebook is a no-go—it’s just not cool and breaks the unwritten rules of online etiquette.
“Have you lost weight? You look really skinny!”
This question might come off as a compliment, but it’s best to be careful with comments about weight. Unless you’re sure someone was trying to lose weight and they’re okay with you mentioning it, it’s better to skip it. Polite people usually avoid commenting on or asking about others’ weight. These questions often don’t lead to great conversations and can touch on sensitive stuff like health issues, eating disorders, anxiety, or grief.
“Why don’t you have children yet?”
Polite people steer clear of asking about having kids because it can be a super touchy topic. Deciding whether or not to have children is a personal choice and can be tricky. Questions like this often hurt feelings, especially for those struggling with infertility or those who’ve chosen not to have kids but keep getting asked about it.
“How much do you earn?”
This kind of question is only fine if you’re a professional recruiter conducting a confidential salary survey. If you’re just curious about how much someone like a friend, cousin, or neighbor makes, you can easily find that information on salary websites instead. Even though many social norms have loosened up, asking about someone’s income is still seen as pretty rude.
“How did your dad pass away?”
It’s normal to be curious about someone’s death, but you should avoid asking directly. Keep in mind that the person you’re talking to is grieving, so now’s not the time to play detective. Instead, just offer your condolences and look for ways to support them. If you’re looking for more details, try checking Google or other sources—this way, you’re not adding to the family’s stress.
“Who are you planning to vote for?”
Politics can be a real mood-changer at dinner or social events because it can quickly make things awkward. You never really know where people stand politically, and nobody likes being put on the spot with those kinds of questions. This is especially true today with politics, religion, and other hot topics in the news.
“What’s your college and major?”
You might hear this question in social situations, but it’s common in business—and it’s a big etiquette no-no in both. When you’re networking, you want to get to know new people, but asking this can bring up all sorts of awkward issues, like old-school rivalries or embarrassment about not having a formal degree.
“Why don’t you go out more often?”
You might think asking this question is just a friendly way to get your friend to try new things, hang out more, or travel. But it can come off as rude—like you’re saying they need more life experience or are boring. It can also be touchy if they don’t have the same money as you and want to do more things but can’t afford it.
“Why do you look so exhausted?”
You might think you’re showing them you care about their health, but they might hear it as “You look rough.” They could be dealing with health issues that are making them more tired or just look that way. It’s better not to make them feel like they need to look a certain way to meet your standards or what’s expected.
“Where’s his dad?”
This is one of those awkward and uncomfortable questions people sometimes ask without thinking. It’s a personal topic, and if someone wants to share details about their life, they’ll do it on their own. Try to hold back from asking just out of curiosity about their family situation. And if a loved one asks you nosy questions, it might be a sign that the relationship isn’t healthy.
“Why are you using the handicapped spot?”
Steer clear of asking about disabilities. It’s natural to be curious, but many disabilities aren’t visible, and your questions could make someone feel uncomfortable or defensive. It’s like prying into their personal health history, which is private. Also, avoid asking about any physical appearance issues related to disabilities. These kinds of questions can be super intrusive and hurtful.
“How old are you?”
This question is always on the “do not ask” list for a good reason. Many people don’t feel comfortable talking about their age, and that’s enough to know. Why someone doesn’t want to discuss their age is none of your business. And just like some old sayings, this one hasn’t aged well—so it’s best to avoid it.
“Are you male or female?”
We’re in a time when gender and sexuality come up a lot, and it’s fine to chat about these topics in a general way. However, grilling someone about their personal identity, surgeries, treatments, or anything else related to their gender is not okay. It can seem rude, inconsiderate—and sometimes even disrespectful.
“Are you expecting a baby?”
There’s no easy way to answer this question, so it’s best to avoid asking it. She might be pregnant, but if she wanted to share that with you—she’d do it herself. More likely, she’s not. Many women have weight around their belly, and bringing it up can be uncomfortable and rude. So it’s best to keep your thoughts about her body to yourself and respect her privacy.