Lisa O
Dating should be about honesty, connection, and seeing if two people are a good fit. However, sometimes it turns into a series of psychological games. These games often start small, yet they create confusion, insecurity, and mistrust. Understanding them can help you protect yourself, recognize unhealthy dynamics, and decide whether someone’s intentions are real or just manipulative.
Playing Hard to Get
Some people act distant or uninterested to make themselves seem more desirable. The idea is to increase their value by appearing less available. While it might create temporary intrigue, it often leads to unnecessary frustration. If someone is genuinely interested, they shouldn’t need to pretend otherwise. Consistency and honesty are far more attractive than pretending not to care.
The Waiting Game
Deliberately waiting hours or even days to respond to messages is a common strategy. It’s meant to create suspense and make the other person anxious. But what it really does is build distrust. Healthy communication should feel natural, not like a calculated effort to gain control. When responses are intentionally delayed, the connection becomes more about power than interest.
Love Bombing
At the beginning, everything feels overwhelming and intense. Constant affection, big promises, and over-the-top attention can make you feel swept off your feet. But this game often hides deeper issues, because once the excitement fades, the person pulls back sharply. Love bombing can leave you questioning yourself and craving the affection that was never meant to last long-term.
Hot and Cold Behavior
One day they’re deeply affectionate, and the next day they’re distant. This push-and-pull keeps you guessing, hoping to get back the attention you once had. It creates emotional dependency because you start chasing their good moods. In reality, this inconsistency is more about control than genuine affection. It leaves you walking on eggshells, unsure of what version of them you’ll get.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is when someone makes you question your own memory or feelings. They might deny things they said, dismiss your concerns as overreactions, or make you feel guilty for bringing something up. Over time, you start doubting yourself instead of trusting your instincts. It’s a dangerous game because it slowly erodes your confidence and makes you rely more on them for validation.
Testing Jealousy
Some people intentionally flirt with others or bring up their ex to test how much you care. They want to see your reaction, believing jealousy proves love. But this game creates insecurity rather than trust. Instead of building a strong foundation, it stirs up competition and fear. A partner who values you won’t need to play with your emotions to feel secure.
Withholding Affection
Affection and attention are sometimes given or taken away as a form of control. One moment, they’re warm and caring, and the next, they pull back to punish you. This creates anxiety, making you work harder to win back their approval. Genuine love doesn’t come with conditions or rewards. When affection becomes a tool, it’s no longer about connection but control.
The Silent Treatment
Instead of working through an issue, some people shut down completely and refuse to communicate. Silence becomes a weapon to punish the other person. It leaves you feeling anxious and desperate to fix things, even if you weren’t wrong. While taking space can be healthy, intentionally ignoring someone to gain control is a manipulative game that weakens trust and respect.
Future Faking
This happens when someone makes big promises about the future with no real intention of following through. They might talk about marriage, trips, or building a life together, all to keep you hooked in the present. Over time, you realize their actions don’t match their words. This game creates false hope and wastes your emotional energy on something that may never happen.
Playing the Victim
Whenever conflict arises, they twist the situation so they come across as the ones who have been wronged. They avoid responsibility by making you feel guilty for questioning them. This game shifts blame and keeps you in a constant cycle of apologizing. A healthy relationship requires accountability, but playing the victim makes growth impossible and leaves one partner carrying all the weight.
Stringing Someone Along
Some people enjoy the attention and benefits of dating but have no real intention of committing. They drop just enough affection to keep the other person hopeful, but never move things forward. This game drags on until the other person realizes they’ve been stuck in limbo. It’s a selfish way to avoid being honest about intentions while still enjoying the benefits of companionship.
Negging
Negging is when someone uses backhanded compliments or subtle insults to lower your confidence. For example, they might say, “You’d be really attractive if you tried harder” or “You’re cute for someone your height.” The goal is to make you insecure so you’ll seek their approval. While it may seem like teasing, it’s a manipulative way to gain power in the relationship.
Creating Competition
Some people deliberately bring up how many options they have or how others are interested in them. They believe competition will make you try harder to win their affection. But instead, it often leaves you feeling inadequate and undervalued. A healthy relationship should feel like a partnership, not a contest. Real love doesn’t need to pit people against each other.
Guilt Tripping
They might say things like, “If you loved me, you’d do this,” or “I guess I don’t matter to you.” Guilt becomes a tool to pressure you into doing what they want. While compromise is part of any relationship, constantly being made to feel guilty is manipulative. True care doesn’t need to use emotional pressure to get what it wants.
Keeping Things Vague
Some people intentionally avoid labeling the relationship, keeping things unclear to protect their own freedom. They enjoy the closeness but refuse to define what it means. This keeps you hanging on, unsure of whether you’re moving forward or stuck. Clarity is necessary for trust, and when someone plays this game, it shows they’re more interested in control than commitment.