Lisa O
Social skills shape how we connect with others, and the words we choose often speak louder than we think. Some phrases can make people seem distant, awkward, or even rude without them realizing it. Using the wrong expressions can push others away or create lots of misunderstandings. Here are 15 common phrases that often signal poor social skills and why they don’t land well.
“I’m just being honest.”
While honesty is valuable, using this phrase usually means the words that follow are blunt or hurtful. It can sound like an excuse to be rude rather than a way to share constructive feedback. People often use it to avoid taking responsibility for how their words affect others. Over time, friends may stop opening up because they fear they’ll be met with unnecessary criticism instead of understanding.
“You look tired.”
Even if it’s meant with concern, this phrase often makes people feel self-conscious or embarrassed. It can sound like you’re pointing out that they look unwell, stressed, or unattractive. Instead of sparking a warm conversation, it can instantly lower someone’s mood. A better approach is to ask how they’ve been feeling or if everything’s okay, which shows care without making them uncomfortable.
“No offense, but…”
This phrase almost always precedes something offensive, which makes it lose its intended purpose. It signals that you already know what you’re about to say might hurt, but you’re going ahead anyway. People often remember the insult more than the polite lead-in. In social situations, it creates distance because others start to expect criticism whenever you speak, which damages trust in the relationship.
“I’m just joking.”
This phrase is used to backtrack after making a comment that landed badly. While humor can be a great way to connect, jokes at someone’s expense rarely build trust. When you use this line, it can feel like you’re avoiding accountability by pretending hurtful words were harmless. Over time, people may avoid joking with you because they don’t feel safe in the exchange.
“You should smile more.”
While it might seem like harmless advice, it can feel very controlling and dismissive. It assumes you have the right to comment on someone’s expression or mood. It comes across as patronizing for many people (especially if they’re dealing with stress or discomfort). Instead of trying to manage someone’s emotions, showing genuine interest in how they’re feeling creates a much more respectful and meaningful interaction.
“That’s not how I would do it.”
Even if you’re trying to offer guidance, this phrase is too critical and dismissive of someone’s effort. It often feels like you’re implying they made a poor choice or don’t know what they’re doing. Constant remarks like this can make people feel judged and less confident. Offering suggestions in a collaborative way is much more effective for maintaining trust.
“Whatever.”
Saying this can shut down a conversation instantly. It signals disinterest, dismissal, or unwillingness to engage. Even if you’re feeling very frustrated, using “whatever” makes it seem like you don’t value the other person’s opinion or emotions. People on the receiving end often walk away feeling unimportant, which weakens relationships over time. A calm explanation of your feelings can keep the dialogue open and constructive.
“That’s stupid.”
Calling an idea or opinion “stupid” is one of the quickest ways to make someone feel insulted. It not only attacks the idea but also the person sharing it. Even in moments of frustration, this phrase can linger in someone’s mind and cause lasting damage to your connection. A respectful disagreement keeps the focus on the topic instead of hurting the other person’s self-esteem.
“Calm down.”
When emotions run high, telling someone to calm down rarely works. In fact, it often makes the situation worse by suggesting their feelings are overblown or unreasonable. People with poor social skills sometimes use this phrase without realizing it can escalate tension. A more effective approach is to acknowledge the emotion and then look for a way to address the concern together.
“You always…” or “You never…”
These absolute statements turn a conversation into an accusation, which can immediately make the other person defensive. They feel like an attack on character rather than a comment on a specific behavior. Over time, constant use of these phrases can create resentment and reduce trust. Focusing on one event or action makes it easier to work through disagreements without damaging the relationship.
“That’s not a big deal.”
Dismissing someone’s feelings by saying their concern isn’t a big deal can make them feel small or ignored. Even if the situation doesn’t seem serious to you, it clearly matters to them. People with poor social skills sometimes use this phrase to avoid difficult conversations, but it only leads to emotional distance. Showing empathy strengthens bonds and makes others more willing to open up.
“I told you so.”
Even if you were right, pointing it out in this way often feels smug or unkind. It shifts the focus from solving a problem to proving your point, which can make others feel embarrassed or defensive at times. People are less likely to seek advice from someone who uses this phrase because they don’t want to feel judged when things go wrong.
“It could be worse.”
This line can come across as dismissive of someone’s struggles. It suggests they should ignore their feelings because others might have bigger problems. While perspective is very valuable, empathy is what makes people feel supported. Listening without minimizing their experience often builds stronger connections than trying to force positivity when they’re not ready for it.
“I don’t care.”
Saying this can hurt more than most people realize because it communicates disinterest in the other person’s feelings or experiences. Even if it’s meant casually, it can make someone feel like their thoughts aren’t worth your attention. Over time, this lack of emotional investment pushes people away. Showing even small signs of interest keeps relationships alive and helps others feel valued.
“You’re too sensitive.”
By saying this you send the message that their feelings do not matter, and that hurts more than you might realize. Instead of feeling understood, they feel small and ashamed for caring deeply. Over time, they may choose silence over honesty just to avoid being judged. That silence builds distance, and what could have been a warm, trusting bond slowly turns cold.