Lisa O
Some lies don’t sound like lies at all. They’re wrapped in polite language, sweet concern, or “good intentions,” but underneath, they’re designed to manipulate, mislead, or protect the person saying them. These are the things people say when they’re hiding their real agenda. Pay attention to the words and, more importantly, the feeling they leave behind.
“I just want what’s best for you.”
This sounds loving on the surface, but it’s often used to cover up control or manipulation. The person isn’t always thinking about your dreams—they’re thinking about what makes them comfortable, proud, or less fearful. By framing their opinion as “best for you,” they put you in the impossible position of either agreeing or seeming ungrateful for their “support.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
It’s a quick escape hatch after someone says something too sharp or revealing. Instead of owning the hurtful comment, they use this lie to deny your interpretation. It’s a way to invalidate your feelings, protect their own ego, and make you second-guess what you heard, even when your instincts were dead-on.
“I’m fine, really.”
When people say this with a strained smile or clipped tone, it’s rarely true. This lie is often about avoiding vulnerability—or weaponizing it. Sometimes, it’s used to create emotional distance, sometimes to test if you’ll notice they’re not fine. Either way, it forces you into an uncomfortable guessing game while they hold the real cards close.
“You’re overreacting.”
Few phrases are more effective at shutting down someone’s emotions. When people tell you this, they usually mean, “Your reaction is inconvenient for me.” It’s a way to dismiss your valid concerns and shift the conversation away from whatever behavior they don’t want to address. It leaves you doubting yourself instead of questioning them.
“I would never lie to you.”
The louder someone declares their honesty, the more cautious you should be. Truly trustworthy people prove themselves through consistent actions over time—they don’t feel the need to announce it. When someone says this out loud, it’s often a way to fast-track your trust before you’ve had the chance to see who they really are.
“I was just trying to help.”
This phrase pops up when “help” crosses into control or boundary-crossing. Instead of acknowledging they made a situation worse, the person wraps their overstepping in a blanket of good intentions. It makes it harder for you to confront them without feeling guilty, even if their so-called help wasn’t helpful at all.
“It’s not about the money.”
If someone goes out of their way to insist it’s not about the money, chances are—it absolutely is. Whether it’s about inheritance, loans, business deals, or favors, financial motivations often run quietly underneath seemingly noble actions. This lie is a way of polishing their image while still pursuing self-interest.
“I’m not mad.”
Body language rarely lies, even when words do. Crossed arms, cold shoulders, short replies—these usually tell the real story. Saying “I’m not mad” lets the person avoid a direct conversation, forcing you to navigate the tension alone. It’s emotional withholding dressed up as politeness, and it keeps the power imbalance firmly in their favor.
“You can trust me.”
If trust needs to be verbally guaranteed early in a relationship, it’s worth questioning. Real trust is earned, not demanded. When someone tells you “you can trust me” out of nowhere—or repeatedly—it often means they’re trying to fast-track your trust before you have the evidence to justify it. Fast trust is almost always a setup.
“I didn’t want to bother you.”
At first glance, it sounds considerate. But often, it’s a cover for avoiding responsibility, difficult conversations, or keeping you out of the loop. It shifts the narrative, making it seem like silence was a kindness when, really, it was a strategic omission. It’s not about sparing your feelings—it’s about keeping their own life easier.
“It’s just a joke!”
When someone crosses a line and tries to laugh it off, it’s not really about humor—it’s about dodging consequences. Framing cruelty or disrespect as a “joke” puts you in a trap: call them out and risk being labeled “too sensitive,” or let it slide and internalize the hurt. Either way, they escape without accountability.
“I didn’t think you’d care.”
If someone hides important information and then claims they assumed you wouldn’t care, they’re not being honest—they’re minimizing your right to have feelings about the situation. It’s a defense mechanism that paints you as unreasonable for wanting transparency instead of acknowledging that they actively chose to withhold the truth.
“You’re imagining things.”
Gaslighting at its most basic. When someone says this, they’re not just dismissing your concerns—they’re undermining your confidence in your own memory and instincts. It’s a tactic designed to make you doubt your perception, paving the way for more manipulation. Over time, hearing this repeatedly can completely warp your sense of reality.
“I didn’t have a choice.”
Almost always a lie. There are very few situations in life where there are no choices—only choices we don’t want to make. When someone claims this, they’re usually trying to dodge responsibility for a selfish or hurtful decision. It’s an attempt to position themselves as powerless, even when they actively choose their path.
“I was thinking about you.”
Sometimes it’s genuine. But when it pops up suddenly after ghosting you, hurting you, or asking for something? Be cautious. It’s often used to reopen emotional doors that should stay closed. They aren’t reaching out because they missed you—they’re reaching out because they need something from you, and they know playing on old feelings is the easiest way back in.