Lisa O
Are you thinking about taking the next big step in your relationship and moving in together? Imagining waking up to your partner every morning, getting ready for the day side by side, and snuggling in bed every night—sounds like the ideal scenario, right? It might be. However, before taking this huge step, consider asking 15 important questions to your partner.
What do each of our personal finances look like?
When you live with someone, you’ll be more linked to their financial situation. You don’t have to spill all the details of your bank account, but it’s super important to have a good grasp of each other’s financial status. Being honest about debts and financial obligations will help you stay clear of any surprises that could mess with your joint financial stability.
How will we handle all other shared expenses?
Think about groceries, household stuff, and any subscriptions or shared services. It’s a good idea to set a budget together! This will help keep you from overspending. Chat about your financial goals and the cost of living in your new place. How are you going to handle payments? Will you open a joint account or just Venmo each other monthly?
How will we split the rent and utilities? What about savings?
It’s important to talk candidly about how you’ll tackle the biggest shared costs—rent and utilities. Will you split these expenses 50/50 or do something like 40/60? How are you planning to set up an emergency fund? Who’s going to put money into it? And how much? Plus, be sure to agree on a payment schedule to keep any late payments at bay.
What are our individual preferences when it comes to household chores?
Grasping each other’s preferences for chores and cleaning is key to creating a harmonious living space! Dig into how and when you each tackle chores now, including stuff like taking out the trash, washing your sheets, doing laundry, vacuuming, dusting, Swiffering, and so on. Spot any gaps in your preferences, as these can definitely lead to conflict.
How will we divide chores? How frequently will we do chores?
Once you’ve figured out your own preferences, come up with a “cohabitation agreement” on who’s in charge of what tasks to avoid any resentment over uneven distribution of household duties (and yard work if you have one!). Set clear ground rules for keeping the living space in check. What are the cleanliness standards? How often and how quickly should each chore be done? Are there different rules for your own areas versus shared spaces?
What do each of us need from the other person?
You really don’t know someone until you live with them! There will be a lot of surprises when you first move in, especially things you might not notice when you’re living separately. Be sure to communicate your likes and dislikes, and don’t hesitate to share any pet peeves! For instance, you might get annoyed when someone leaves dishes in the sink overnight.
What are our daily routines?
Take some time to really get to know each other’s daily schedules. Are you a night owl while they’re an early bird? Do your eating times line up? Chat about sleep habits, work hours, and meal times. This will help you coordinate your days together and pinpoint any areas where you might need to compromise to be better roomies.
How much alone time do we each need?
Balancing time together and apart is really important. Chat about how you’ll respect each other’s need for personal space! When you live together, you’ll probably end up spending all your time together. But over time, you’ll learn how to strike a better balance and give each other space to do your own thing. This is also a perfect opportunity to talk about your individual life goals and how to back each other up in reaching them.
How will we handle shopping and dates?
Talk about who’s going to handle cooking and shopping. Do you have different dietary preferences and needs? How will you work around that? Will you be having dinner together most nights? You and your partner can spend your weekends grocery shopping together and meal prepping for the week! Or you can keep your weekends fixed for dates and fun trips.
How will we navigate friendships and socializing with others?
Talk about how you’ll keep up with your friendships and social circles. You should have a plan for socializing both together and separately! Living together will definitely change the dynamics not just in your relationship with your partner but with others, too. For instance, you’ll need to be more considerate when inviting people over to your shared space.
How will we dedicate time to our own hobbies and interests?
It’s important for both of you to have the time and space to chase your individual hobbies and interests, which is key for personal growth and happiness. Keep the lines of communication open about how much time and what space you need to make this happen.
How will we handle disagreements and conflicts?
Living together can create new conflicts and also change how you two deal with disagreements! For instance, conflicts over household responsibilities are more likely to pop up. When they do, ask yourselves how you’ll tackle those in your shared space! If you’re the type who needs some time to think, how will you manage that when you’re living together?
How will we handle major life changes?
You know the saying—change is the only constant in life. Living together means being involved in each other’s daily lives, including the ups and downs. Figuring out how you’ll handle major changes will help you be emotionally prepared for the commitment and support that comes with it! Talk about how you’ll back each other up during job changes, moving to a new city, or other big life events.
How will we keep the romance alive?
As you both settle into living together, it can be easy to slip into a routine and start treating each other more like roommates than partners. Make a plan to keep the romance and fun alive in your relationship, even as you tackle the everyday stuff of cohabiting! Set up date nights, surprises, and little gestures that show you care.