How To Recognize And Stop Adult Bullying At Work And In Your Personal Life

In high school, bullies were the loudest and most insecure kids, always waiting to steal your lunch or just make fun of your looks. In adulthood, it’s still the same insecure people, but they’ve learned subtler moves.

As Bill Eddy, co-founder of the High Conflict Institute, points out, bullies often act out from their own low confidence or even early abuse—hurting others to feel in control.

Up next, you’ll see how to recognize those behaviors and the practical ways to stop them. But first…

What Drives An Adult Bully

Remember the loud kid in high school who shoved their way down the hallway or mocked your clothes? According to Bill Eddy, those same insecure personalities often carry bullying into adulthood. He explains that many bullies lash out because of low confidence, or even because they grew up in homes where conflict was handled with intimidation.

So when the neighbor cuts you down with “jokes” or the coworker rolls their eyes at every idea you share, it’s not about you. It’s about their own need to feel in control.

Common Ways Adults Bully Others

Adult bullying is often more polished and harder to pin down. But the patterns are surprisingly consistent once you know what to watch for. Here are some of the most common tactics:

Verbal jabs: Cutting remarks or “jokes” at your expense that sting more than they amuse.
Exclusion: Leaving you out of plans as a way to isolate or control.
Undermining: Taking credit for your work or nitpicking everything you do.
Intimidation: Using aggressive body language, raised voices, or threats (even subtle ones) to make you back down.
Manipulation: Guilt-tripping or spreading rumors. Twisting facts to maintain control is another way bullies exert their power.

Each of these strategies chisels away at confidence, leaving the target second-guessing themselves.

The Five Main Types Of Adult Bullies

Adult bullying comes in different packages. Some forms are loud and obvious, while others hide under polite smiles or group chats. Experts like Bill Eddy point out that knowing the main types makes it easier to see bullying clearly for what it is. The five main types of adult bullies you may encounter include the following;

The verbal bully is the most familiar, and this type knows precisely how to use words as weapons.
The passive-aggressive bully uses underhanded remarks or selective exclusion to make you feel small.
The cyberbully might be a troll posting nasty comments on your photos or someone spreading rumors in direct messages.
The material bully is someone who withholds or takes things to keep power. That could be a boss delaying your paycheck or a coworker claiming your ideas as their own.
The physical bully uses their body to intimidate. This can look like blatant abuse—shoving, hitting, throwing items, or sexual coercion—but it can also be subtle, like standing too close, “accidentally” touching you without consent.

These bullies are everywhere, both at work and in our daily lives. Let’s begin with the signs that bullies are known for doing in workspaces.

Subtle Signs At Work

According to the “Workplace Bullying Institute,” about 30% of workers deal with it, but it often shows up in quieter ways.

Some common signs from bullies include:

Being regularly excluded from group emails, meetings, or projects.
Having your work minimized or claimed by someone else.
Facing constant criticism that feels personal rather than constructive.
Experiencing interruptions or being talked over in discussions.
Being the target of sarcasm, jokes, or eye-rolling meant to undermine you.

These patterns reveal a bully because they don’t happen once in a while—they show up again and again, often in the same predictable ways.

Subtle Signs In Your Personal Life

Eddy points out that bullying slips into families, friendships, and even community groups. These bullies hide behind these familiar ties, but deep down, they despise you.

Some of the common signs they’ll show include:

Mocking your choices or achievements in front of others.
Excluding you from plans or group chats to make a point.
Constantly giving backhanded compliments that feel more like digs than praise.
They pressure you to agree with someone to avoid conflict or being pushed out.
They gossip or spread rumors to damage your reputation within the group.

The Repercussions Run Deep

The American Psychological Association has reported that ongoing bullying can lead to real health issues—anxiety, poor sleep, panic attacks, and even high blood pressure. And honestly, most people over 45 don’t need more reasons to lose sleep or stress about their health.

Practical Ways To Shut It Down

Handling adult bullying doesn’t mean matching their volume or aggression. The goal is to stay steady and take back your power. Eddy recommends these practical steps:

Call it out calmly. Use short, direct statements like, “I don’t appreciate that comment” or “I’d like to finish my thought.” Staying calm removes the drama they feed on.
Set clear boundaries. At home, saying something as simple as, “That’s not funny to me,” makes your limits known without escalating the conflict.
Keep records. Write down or record what happened, when it happened, and who was there. Evidence matters if the behavior continues or you need to escalate it.
Seek support. In the workplace, bring your notes to HR or a trusted supervisor. In personal life, confide in a family member or close friend who can back you up and help you decide your next move.
Stay consistent. Don’t out-shout or out-maneuver the bully. Every calm, firm response sends the message that their tactics won’t work on you.

Each of these steps chips away at the bully’s control and strengthens your confidence in handling the situation.

At The End Of The Day

Adult bullying often flies under the radar because it doesn’t look like schoolyard stuff. But the impact? Just as real. When you understand that the problem is theirs—not yours—you’re in a stronger spot to act. So notice the signs. Call it out. And don’t let someone else’s insecurities chip away at your peace of mind.