Johann Hunt
Step behind the bar and into a world where bartenders have witnessed the highest of highs and the lowest of rock-bottoms. Bartenders have seen triumphs worthy of a standing ovation and disasters that could give soap operas a run for their money. As unpaid shrinks, they’ve heard more confessions than a priest and offered advice that could rival the best. Added to that are some baffling and annoying customer behaviors that make them want to switch places and ask for a stiff drink. Here are 15 such antics by customers bartenders would do better without.
Ordering “Surprise Me” Cocktails
Ever heard of a little thing called a menu? You know, that thing you glance at for two seconds before tossing it aside like a disappointing birthday card? When you say, “Surprise me,” bartenders hear, “Read my mind and serve me something that aligns perfectly with my mysterious, elusive tastes.” Spoiler alert: they’re bartenders, not psychic mixologists.
Flagging Them Down Like a Taxi
Oh, the joy of being waved at, whistled at, or having fingers snapped in our direction. Here’s the thing: they are not ignoring you; they’re just busy making sure everyone gets their drinks. Pro tip: making eye contact and giving a polite nod works wonders. Think of it like summoning a genie—calm, respectful, and without the three-wish limit.
Complaining About the Drink Prices
We get it; prices can seem steep, but consider the quality ingredients, craftsmanship, and ambiance you enjoy. Grumbling about the cost is like criticizing a masterpiece painting for the price of the canvas. Instead of complaining, savor the experience and appreciate the skill that went into making your drink.
Asking for “Something Strong”
You want a strong drink? Well, we’re fresh out of Thor’s hammer and Superman’s cape, but let’s see what we can do. When you ask for “something strong,” do you mean alcohol content, flavor profile, or perhaps the emotional resilience to handle a breakup text? Be specific; maybe name a classic like a Manhattan or a Negroni.
Making Phone Calls at the Bar
Bartenders really don’t want to know your linen’s color—do you think nothing says “I’m having a great time” like shouting into your phone? Here’s a reality check: your loud conversation isn’t just between you and the person on the other end; it’s now a public performance nobody asked to be part of. Just step outside, trust us; the bar will still be here when you return.
Standing Directly in Front of the Bartender While Deciding
The classic deer-in-headlights look right in the middle of the bustling bar. Nothing is more funny than watching someone squint at the menu like it’s written in ancient hieroglyphs while a queue forms behind you. It’s like waiting for someone to solve a Rubik’s Cube in slow motion. Do everyone a favor: step aside, let the decision percolate, and return when ready to order.
Asking for Freebies “Because It’s My Birthday”
Asking for free drinks or shots because you’re celebrating another trip around the sun makes you look like the freeloading cousin nobody wants to invite to the party. We get it; birthdays are special, but so is paying for the goods and services you receive. Instead of expecting a handout, why not enjoy your special day with a cocktail you happily paid for?
Ignoring the Bartender’s Existence When With Friends
A simple “hello/hi” or “thank you” goes a long way in making them feel appreciated. Believe it or not, they enjoy a bit of friendly interaction, which might even get you a faster refill. So, next time you’re out with friends, remember to lift your eyes from the riveting group chat and give your bartender a nod of appreciation.
Switching Drinks Halfway Through the Order
“Actually, can I change that to a mojito?” The dreaded mid-order switcheroo. Right when they started crafting your intricate cocktail, you decided to throw a wrench in the works. It’s like asking a chef to change your steak to chicken after they’ve started grilling. This habit disrupts the flow and means we’re wasting ingredients and time.
Talking Over the Music Like It’s a Nightclub
Bars are social places. But when you start shouting over the music like you’re trying to hail a cab in Times Square, it becomes a problem. Not only does it create noise that can be headache-inducing, but it also makes it harder to hear and correctly take orders. If you must converse loudly, maybe step outside or find a quieter corner. This way, you can keep your vocal cords intact.
Assuming We Know Your Drink Because “I’m a Regular”
Oh, you’re a regular? Fantastic! Do you also realize they serve about 300 other regulars, each with their favorite concoctions? It’s not that they don’t care, but assuming they remember your complex, half-caff, extra-dry, double-twist-with-a-splash-of-raccon-milk order is optimistic at best. Instead of expecting to have your usual drink telepathically prepped, why not give them a friendly reminder?
Expecting Instant Service in a Packed Bar
The bar is packed to the rafters, people are jostling for space, and you’re waving a twenty like it’s a golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s factory. They see you, but teleportation isn’t part of the skill set. When you expect instant service in a busy bar, it’s like thinking you’ll get front-row concert seats without a ticket. Patience is key. Trust that they are working hard to get to you as soon as possible.
Putting Your Hands All Over the Barware
When you start touching the barware, it feels like someone rummaging through your kitchen drawers without asking. Sure, that shiny shaker and those fancy straws look tempting, but this isn’t a petting zoo for bar tools. Plus, hygiene is a thing—they like to keep the tools clean and ready for action. If you’re curious about a particular item, just ask!
Tipping with Loose Change
Tipping is appreciated, but throwing a handful of nickels and dimes onto the bar feels like being paid in Monopoly money. It’s like the adult version of trick-or-treating, and nobody signed up for a scavenger hunt. Instead of emptying your coin purse, why not round up to the nearest dollar? It shows appreciation for the service without them needing to count out pocket change.
Engaging in Prolonged Small Talk When Slammed
Bartenders love a good chat, but when the bar is three-deep, and you’re asking them about weekend plans, it’s like striking up a conversation with a marathon runner mid-race. Their priority is getting drinks out to as many people as quickly and efficiently as possible. Save the small talk for quieter moments, and they might just find time to chat when things slow down.
Comments
Loading…