Lisa O
Insecurity does not always show up in big ways. Most of the time, it slips out through little habits, quick reactions, or the way you carry yourself. You may not even notice you are doing them, but others often pick up on these signals right away. If you want to come across as more confident, here are 15 everyday mistakes that can make you look insecure.
You Apologise Too Much
Saying sorry when you have not actually done anything wrong can make you seem unsure of yourself. While being polite matters, constant apologizing tells others you are second-guessing your place. Instead of sounding thoughtful, it comes across as seeking approval. Save apologies for when they are truly needed. Otherwise, you risk making yourself look smaller than you are and less confident than you may actually feel.
You Avoid Eye Contact
Looking away while speaking or listening can give the impression that you are nervous or not confident in your words. Eye contact does not mean staring, but meeting someone’s gaze shows self-assurance and comfort in your own presence. Without it, people may question whether you believe in what you are saying. A simple change in how you look at others can completely shift how secure you appear.
You Fidget Constantly
Tapping your foot, playing with your hair, or shifting in your seat can make you look restless. These habits send the message that you are uncomfortable in your own skin. While you may not even notice you are doing it, others often do. Stillness conveys calm and control, while constant fidgeting tells the opposite story. Practising small moments of stillness can change how confident you come across.
You Speak Too Softly
When your voice is hard to hear, people may assume you lack confidence. Speaking clearly and at a steady volume shows that you believe your words matter. If you constantly lower your voice, it can come across as if you are trying to take up less space. Strong communication is not about shouting; it is about being heard with ease and owning what you have to say.
You Over-Explain Yourself
Confidence does not require endless justification. If you keep adding reasons or excuses for every choice, it can signal self-doubt. Instead of sounding clear, it makes your decisions look shaky and uncertain. Sometimes a short answer is all that is needed. Explaining too much not only weakens your point but also makes it seem like you are looking for approval. Clarity carries more weight than over-explaining.
You Struggle to Accept Compliments
When someone praises you and you instantly dismiss it, laugh it off, or argue against it, you send a message of insecurity. Accepting compliments with a simple thank you means you respect yourself enough to receive kindness. Deflecting them may feel humble, but it actually makes you look uncomfortable with your own worth. Letting compliments land gracefully shows quiet confidence in who you are.
You Constantly Seek Reassurance
Asking “Do you think that’s okay?” or “Are you sure I did well?” again and again can wear down how people see you. Occasional reassurance is pretty normal, but always checking shows that you do not trust yourself. True confidence means standing by your decisions without needing endless validation from others. The more you rely on approval, the more you train people to see you as unsure.
You Compare Yourself to Others Out Loud
Mentioning how someone else looks better, earns more, or has achieved more can make you sound insecure. Everyone makes comparisons privately, but saying them often in front of others highlights self-doubt. Instead of lifting you up, it makes you seem small next to whoever you are comparing yourself to. Confidence means focusing on your own path, not making others the measure of your value.
You Laugh at Everything You Say
Adding a nervous laugh at the end of your sentences may feel like lightening the mood, but it can actually undercut your words. It makes it seem like you do not fully believe what you are saying. While laughter has its place, using it to soften every statement signals insecurity. People take your words more seriously when you deliver them with calmness and self-assurance.
You Struggle to Say No
Always agreeing to things you do not want to do makes you look unsure of yourself. While being helpful is good, constantly saying yes to avoid conflict shows that you value approval more than your own needs. Saying no respectfully is not rude, it is a sign of confidence. Boundaries protect your time and energy, and they also make others respect you more deeply.
You Overuse Self-Deprecating Jokes
A little humour about yourself can be charming, but constant negative jokes make you look insecure. When you always put yourself down, even playfully, people start to believe that you see yourself as less. Confidence is about balance—acknowledging your flaws without turning them into a running joke. Self-deprecating humour in small doses works, but relying on it too much makes you appear uncomfortable with yourself.
You Hesitate When You Speak
Filling sentences with “um,” “like,” or long pauses can make you seem unsure, even when your point is solid. Hesitation suggests you are second-guessing your thoughts or worried about how they will land. Speaking more smoothly shows that you are clear about what you mean. Practising pauses instead of filler words makes a big difference in how confident and capable you sound to other people.
You Avoid Taking Up Space
Shrinking into your chair, folding your arms tightly, or always moving aside for others makes you look uncertain. Confident people use space comfortably without apologising for being there. How you carry yourself communicates just as much as what you say. Small, closed-off body language can unintentionally signal insecurity, while sitting upright or walking with purpose sends the opposite message—you are comfortable in your own presence.
You Downplay Your Achievements
When you reach a goal and immediately say it was “nothing” or “not a big deal,” you take away from your own success. While bragging is not appealing, minimising your efforts also sends the wrong message. Confidence means acknowledging what you have done without exaggeration or denial. Downplaying your wins can make you seem unsure of your value, even if you are proud inside.
You Let Others Speak for You
If you avoid answering questions directly and let someone else do it, you may come across as insecure. Speaking for yourself shows confidence in your voice and your thoughts. Handing the responsibility over, especially in group settings, makes it look like you do not trust yourself. Owning your words and standing by them is one of the clearest signs of true self-assurance.