Johann Hunt
We’re all walking around following etiquette rules that nobody actually thought through. Nobody knows who decided these things made sense. Yet here we are, collectively participating in social rituals that would confuse any logical outsider. The weirdest part? We defend them like they matter a lot. Let’s expose the ridiculous manners you’ve been blindly obeying your entire life.
Saying “Bless You” After A Sneeze
We automatically say “bless you” after every sneeze, but this age-old custom serves absolutely no purpose. It doesn’t prevent illness or offer spiritual protection—it’s just an empty social gesture. Still, we feel genuinely uncomfortable skipping it, trapped by centuries of meaningless tradition disguised as politeness.
Pretending To Care About The Weather
That moment when someone comments on the weather usually isn’t about actually caring whether it’s sunny or cloudy. It’s just a safe, easy conversation filler. People pretend to care about forecasts and temperatures because it beats standing there in uncomfortable silence. It’s a fake interest that has been perfected over time.
Not Eating Until Everyone Is Served
Many people wait to start eating until everyone has their food, thinking it’s polite. In reality, delaying your meal doesn’t improve anything. Meals are tastier when eaten right away, so holding off just because of an old rule is usually unnecessary.
Holding In A Cough During A Meeting
Meetings turn into these silent battles with the urge to cough. The throat screams for relief while the brain insists on staying quiet to appear professional. Everyone around the table has fought this same fight, suffering through the discomfort rather than making a quick noise that nobody would remember five minutes later.
Laughing At Jokes That Aren’t Funny
Sometimes, we laugh at boring words to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. These courtesy laughs aim to keep the mood light, and they frequently reveal themselves through awkward timing. They highlight how social rules expect fake reactions.
Feigned Interest In Other People’s Vacations
There’s always that moment when someone pulls out their phone after a trip. You see it coming and brace yourself. Twenty minutes later, you’re still saying “oh wow” at photos of meals you’ll never eat in places you will never visit, wondering how you got here.
Saying “Let’s Catch Up Soon” With No Intention To
You run into an old acquaintance, and the conversation ends with “we should totally catch up someday.” Neither of you will follow up. And you both know this. Yet somehow saying it feels better than admitting you’re fine, never seeing each other again. It’s the polite lie we all agree to tell.
Signing Off Emails With “Best” Or “Kind Regards”
You’re emailing the same person for the fourth time today about printer paper. Still signing off with “Kind Regards” as if you’re writing a formal letter to the Queen. It makes no sense, and here we are, sending online regards to people we’ll see at lunch.
Smiling In Photos Even When Miserable
Cameras demand performance over authenticity every single time. Genuine sadness, exhaustion, frustration—none of it matters when someone says smile. The face complies automatically, manufacturing cheerfulness that doesn’t exist anywhere except that frozen frame, while real emotions wait backstage.
Bringing A Bottle Of Wine To Every Dinner Party
Bringing wine to a dinner party has become almost instinctive. Guests continue the ritual even after hosts reassure them it isn’t necessary. With each gathering, unopened bottles accumulate. What started as a thoughtful gesture has turned into a repetitive practice that prioritizes gifting products over real connections.
Pretending To Be Busy Before Ending A Call
Nobody wants to just say “okay bye” and hang up. It feels too blunt, too cold. So we pad the ending with fake errands and imaginary commitments. Both people participate in this little performance, pretending the call has to end for external reasons rather than simple preference.
Pretending To Like Everyone In The Group Chat
Group chats start innocently enough, but soon you’re pretending to care about people you’d never text one-on-one. Everyone plays along to keep things civil and nods at messages they couldn’t care less about. Eventually, you just mute the whole thing and fake enthusiasm when necessary.
Waiting 10 Minutes Before Calling After A Missed Call
There’s an unspoken rule that you shouldn’t return a missed call right away, as if waiting proves you’re not desperate. We spend extra minutes pretending to be unavailable, creating unnecessary tension. The truth is, nobody cares about your timing; they simply want to talk to you.
Dressing Up For Zoom Calls From The Waist Up
Sitting in a meeting with a nice shirt on top and pajama bottoms below feels ridiculous; however, it’s done anyway because that’s what professionalism looks like now. The camera only shows the top half, so why bother with the rest? So today, many people have become half-dressed professionals.
Clapping When The Plane Lands
Plane lands, people clap—every single time. You’re sitting there thinking this is absurd, then suddenly you’re clapping too because everyone else is. We’re either congratulating the pilot for basic competency or thanking gravity itself. In any case, your hands are definitely coming together.
Not Taking The Last Slice
The last piece always becomes this weird standoff where everyone’s too polite to grab it. You’re still hungry, they’re still hungry, yet nobody makes a move. People would rather let food go to waste than risk looking greedy, which makes absolutely no sense when you think about it.
Pretending To Read The Card Before The Gift
We all know the drill when opening gifts. Card first, gift second, even though nobody actually wants to read generic well-wishes before tearing into wrapping paper. Still, you hold it, pretend those words matter, and nod like you’re deeply touched before finally getting to the good stuff.
Making Eye Contact During A Toast
Toasts turn into this awkward thing where everyone has to make eye contact before drinking. Scanning the table, catching each person’s gaze, thinking about how ridiculous this feels. Nobody knows why we do it, and skipping it somehow feels wrong, so the eye contact marathon continues at every gathering.
Waiting A Day To Text Back After A Date
Date ends on a high note, and suddenly the clock starts ticking on some arbitrary waiting period. Texting immediately apparently signals desperation, leaving the phone silent for a full day. Each person probably wants to reach out, but they’re stuck pretending to be disinterested even when they feel the opposite.
Nodding Repeatedly To Show You’re Listening
Conversations often include this strange performance where heads bob constantly to show engagement. The nodding starts off harmless, then turns into a mechanical gesture that signals the opposite of attention. Real listening is calmer and quieter, while excessive head-bobbing usually shows someone’s mind has already checked out.