20 Main Differences Between Loving Someone and Being Obsessed

man and woman kissing during daytime
Photo by Sorin Sîrbu on Unsplash

Love is a big feeling that makes you really like and care about someone. Sometimes, it can make you feel all kinds of other things, too—like having a big crush or feeling very connected to them. However, obsession is not healthy, and sometimes, it’s hard to tell if your partner is in love with you or just obsessed. Here are the main differences between loving someone and being obsessed!

They Get Very Possessive

man and woman standing while holding hands at daytime
Photo by Redd F on Unsplash

When you notice your partner feeling a little jealous when you talk to someone else, it might initially seem kind of cute. A bit of possessiveness can feel like a normal part of being in love. But if your partner starts going too far—always checking up on you, snooping through your phone, or getting upset whenever you talk to someone else—that’s a really bad obsession.

They Spoil You All the Time

gift boxes
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

In a happy relationship, it’s totally okay for your partner to sometimes spoil you with nice things and make you feel special. But if that love becomes too intense and takes over everything—it can be a big problem. They might start giving you gifts and doing sweet stuff all the time to make sure you don’t ever think about leaving them. It’s like setting a trap

They Rush Things

Man Looking at a Woman Walking Out of the Apartment
Photo by Alena Darmel on Pexels

People in love know that relationships need time to grow and become strong. But when someone is obsessed with love—it’s totally different. They’re scared of losing the person they’re with, so they feel they have to hold on tightly. They want to make the relationship official fast so nobody else can take their spot. They’re scared that someone else might steal their person away.

They Always Need Reassurance

Hispanic couple standing and having quarrel on street
Photo by Budgeron Bach on Pexels

It’s natural for your partner to want to know how you feel about them. But if they keep asking you repeatedly and always need you to reassure them—it might show they’re too obsessed with you. Maybe they’ve been hurt before, and now they’re scared of losing you. They might see you as something they must keep safe—no matter what.

They Want You Around 24/7

Couple Arguing
Photo by Polina Zimmerman on Pexels

It’s sweet to have your partner always around at the beginning of a relationship. But if they keep texting and talking to you nonstop, even after you’ve been together for a while, it can get tricky. Wanting to be in touch all the time isn’t a sign of love. It’s more like they’re obsessed with you and can’t stop thinking about you all day long.

They’re Not Happy When You’re Happy

Man and Woman Sitting Back To Back Having A Fight
Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels

Imagine you’re invited to go to another city to give a speech and get an award. A loving partner would be happy and cheer you on to do your best with your speech. But an obsessive partner might be less interested in your speech. Instead, they might be more worried about you meeting someone else and falling in love. And they might even want to come along with you on your trips.

They Follow You Everywhere

girl take photo with boyfriend
Photo by FOERDER ZONE on Pexels

Imagine your partner popping up at your workplace unexpectedly—it’s usually a sweet moment filled with smiles and hugs. But things can get quite tricky if these surprise visits become a regular thing, and they’re constantly keeping tabs on where you are and what you’re up to. It might mean they’re getting too obsessed with you—checking up on you online and getting upset over innocent conversations with others.

They Always Want to Know Where You Are

woman wearing white blouse beside white vehicle
Photo by Andy Vult on Unsplash

It’s totally normal for a partner to say they “love and care” about you when they call to see how you’re doing when you’re working late. But if they keep calling all the time, even when they know you’re out with friends, it might show they’re getting a bit too obsessed with you. It’s not really about caring anymore—it’s more like they’re addicted to checking up on you.

They Make All the Decisions

Crop unrecognizable unhappy young multiracial couple in casual outfit standing in city street while having conflict in daylight
Photo by Keira Burton on Pexels

It’s good for couples to talk about things together and share their thoughts. But if one partner always calls the shots for the other—it could be a sign that things are getting a bit too intense. It’s important to understand the gap between love and obsession. True love means giving each other space and freedom—not trying to take control of each other’s lives.

They Can’t Stop Thinking About You

A Couple Sitting while Arguing
Photo by Timur Weber on Pexels

It’s pretty usual for your partner to check in on how your day went and let you know they’ve been thinking about you. How sweet of them. But if they can’t seem to get you out of their mind all day, it might be a big sign they’re obsessed with you. You’re on their brain so much that it’s almost like you’re the main character in their thoughts all day!

They Make You Feel Trapped

Man in Black Suit Standing Beside Woman in Black Dress
Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels

Treating each other with respect is like the secret sauce for keeping relationships strong and happy. But if one person gets fixated on the other, that respect can vanish into thin air, replaced by nasty feelings like anger and fear. And if abuse creeps in, then things can get even uglier. As the obsession ramps up, the one on the receiving end might start to feel trapped and desperate to run away.

They Only Think About Themselves

person crying beside bed
Photo by Claudia Wolff on Unsplash

Think of love like a dance where both partners should be twirling together. In a healthy relationship, you and your partner take turns making sure each other feels good and happy. But if your partner is obsessed with you—they might forget about your feelings and just focus on what they want. It’s like they’re leading the dance all by themselves, and you’re just being pulled along for the ride.

They Control What You Do

man holding his hair against sunlight
Photo by Jeremy Perkins on Unsplash

A partner who truly loves you won’t stop you from reaching for your dreams and following your passions. But if they’re obsessed with you—it’s a different story. They start laying down all these rules and conditions, keeping you from being yourself. Your freedom? Gone. They try to control every part of your life—from where you go to what you do, leaving you stuck in their small world.

They Hurt You, Physically or with Words

man covering face with both hands while sitting on bench
Photo by Christian Erfurt on Unsplash

In a real love story, there’s no room for hurting each other—physically or with words. Even when partners don’t see eye to eye, they don’t resort to force. But when someone’s obsessed, they can’t handle disagreement. They’ll try to bend you to their will, pushing and pressuring you until you give in. And they’ll try to justify it—saying they had no other option or it’s for your own good.

They Doubt You All the Time

shallow focus photography of woman
Photo by Jeffrey Wegrzyn on Unsplash

Real love is like a rock-solid bond of trust between two people. They know they’ll always come back to each other—no matter what. But in an obsessive relationship, trust is shaky at best. Even if you reassure your partner over and over—they’ll still want to know every tiny detail about where you’ve been and what you’ve been up to. And guess what? They might even ask for proof of your loyalty.

They Make You Feel Guilty

Man Looking Downward
Photo by David Garrison on Pexels

It’s common for couples to split up if they realize they’re not a good match. But for someone who’s obsessed, rejection is a whole different story. Try telling them you need some space, and they’ll lose it. Or suggest breaking up, and they might even threaten you, saying they’ll hurt themselves if you leave. Escaping their obsession isn’t easy—it’s like they’ve got you trapped in their love net.

They Ditch Their Friends for You

woman in brown coat smiling
Photo by Satria Perkasa on Unsplash

When people enter a romantic relationship, it’s normal for them to get into it and forget about other folks for a bit. Usually, this phase passes, and things go back to normal. But not with an obsessive partner. They start ignoring their close friends and family to give all their attention to you—and it never really goes back to how it was before.

They Don’t Let You Hang Out with Your Friends

Woman Wearing Black Camisole
Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels

If your partner cares about you, they won’t stop you from hanging out with your loved ones. They won’t feel jealous or threatened if you decide to chill with your friends or family instead of them. But if someone’s obsessing over you—it’s a different story. They get all suspicious and want you all to themselves. And guess what? They might even tell you not to see your buddies and family.

They Lie to You

A Man in Red Shirt Covering His Face
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels

When partners are in love, they’re not scared to speak their minds and share their feelings. But if one partner is obsessively fixated on the other—they might only say what they think the other person wants to hear. They could even hide their true opinions behind sweet lies to keep things smooth. In any relationship, honesty is important. If it’s missing—your bond might not be as strong as it seems.

They Don’t Try to Get to Know You Better

Woman Looking Holding While Holding Head With Left Hand
Photo by Austin Guevara on Pexels

People who are obsessed with their partner but not indeed in love might skip getting to know them on a deeper level. Their fixation might only be on having someone to call their partner, so they don’t bother building a strong connection. As a result, their conversations stay surface-level, and they may not understand each other’s complexities.