Lisa O
Getting back into the dating world can feel both exciting and intimidating. Whether you’re looking for something casual or hoping for a serious relationship, there are some common mistakes that can make the process even more challenging for you. Here are 15 mistakes to avoid when starting over so you can make better choices.
Rushing
After a break from dating, you may feel an overwhelming urge to jump right back in. We know how tempting it is to dive headfirst into a new relationship, but rushing can cloud your judgment. Take it slow and build a strong foundation first. Think of it like planting a tree—you need to nurture it before it starts growing.
Ignoring Your Feelings
It’s easy to fall into the trap of dating for the sake of it—maybe you just want the company or feel like you’re “supposed” to be dating again. But if you haven’t healed from past relationships, you’re not really ready for something new. Take a step back and think about what you truly want. Starting fresh without addressing your emotions can leave you feeling empty and disappointed.
Focusing on Finding Perfection
Everyone has their own set of quirks, and that’s what makes us different from each other. Expecting perfection from your lover will only lead to frustration (nobody’s 100% perfect). Remember, a successful relationship is built on compatibility, shared values, and mutual respect—not on a flawless checklist. Embrace imperfections—they might be exactly what you need.
Comparing New Dates to Exes
It’s natural to compare a new date to your ex, but this can stop you from seeing the potential in someone new. Each person you meet is totally unique, and comparing them to your past can set them up for failure. So, let go of old memories and focus on getting to know the person in front of you. You might be surprised by how different (and better!) things can be.
Letting Past Hurt Control You
We know how tough it is not to carry baggage after a bad breakup. But holding on to past hurt can prevent you from fully enjoying a new connection. Think of each new person as a fresh chapter—not a repeat of your previous experiences. If you’re still hurt, consider taking a bit more time for self-reflection before jumping back in.
Not Being Honest About What You Want
Sometimes, people fear being upfront about their intentions because they don’t want to scare the other person off. But hiding what you’re really looking for can cause confusion later. If you’re just looking to date casually, say so. If you want something more serious, be clear about that, too. Transparency helps avoid misunderstandings and ensures both parties are on the same page.
Overthinking Every Detail
Did they laugh at your joke? Was that emoji too much? Is he just acting? Overthinking even small things can drive you crazy. It makes the whole process feel like a mind game (which dating is not). Why don’t you enjoy the moment instead of thinking about it? Take a deep breath and know that dating is about getting to know someone, not analyzing every word.
Not Taking Things Slowly
Sometimes, excitement can make you want to rush things. But diving into a relationship too fast can make it feel more intense rather than relaxed and natural. Keep the pace easy—spend time getting to know each other without putting too much pressure on the situation. You’ll enjoy it more if you let things unfold at a speed you both are comfortable with.
Ignoring Red Flags
We all like to see the best in people, but sometimes, ignoring obvious red flags can end in disaster. If someone shows signs of being disrespectful, dishonest, or controlling, don’t brush it off. Trust your gut—those early warning signs are there for a reason. It’s always better to walk away early than regret it later.
Not Keeping Your Standards
It can be tempting to settle when you’re excited to be dating again, but don’t lower your standards to be in any kind of relationship. Stay true to what you want. Just because you’re dating again doesn’t mean you should compromise on things that matter to you, like values, respect, and communication.
Being Too Picky
On the flip side, being too picky can stop you from seeing potential connections. You know, it’s a good thing to have standards, but expecting someone to check every single box might mean you will miss out on someone amazing (someone who doesn’t fall into your list). Don’t overlook the simple qualities that could make someone a perfect match, even if they don’t meet every single thing on your list.
Not Making Time for Yourself
When you start dating again, it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new person. But remember to still prioritize your own needs, goals, and hobbies. Being in a relationship should add to your life, not take it over. If you stop doing what makes you happy as an individual, you risk losing yourself in the process. That’s something we never wish for you.
Overloading Your Date with Expectations
Setting high expectations for your date can create unnecessary pressure. Instead of treating each date as a big test, enjoy it for what it is—an opportunity to meet someone new. Keep the mood lighthearted and casual at the start. Let things develop at their own pace without stressing about whether it’ll turn into something serious right away.
Failing to Communicate Clearly
Communication is important in any relationship, but it’s something a lot of people forget to focus on. If you’re feeling unsure or have some doubts, just talk it out. Bottling up your feelings can lead to frustration and lots of misunderstandings. Being open and honest about what’s on your mind helps you build a stronger connection and clears up any confusion.
Forgetting to Have Fun
Dating should be fun! Sometimes, we get so caught up in the idea of finding “the one” that we forget to enjoy the experience. Go on dates to have fun, laugh, and get to know someone better. Don’t stress over whether things will turn into something long-term right away. The best connections always start when you’re having a great time together.