Lisa O
Most of us like to think we’re polite and self-aware, but there are little things we say all the time that can quietly get under people’s skin. These aren’t loud insults or obvious rudeness—they’re just everyday phrases that sound harmless in your head but come off wrong out loud. You probably don’t even realize you’re doing it. Here are 15 examples to watch out for.
“You look tired.”
You might think you’re being caring, but saying this makes people feel self-conscious right away. No one wants to hear they look worn out, even if it’s true. Instead of sounding helpful, it often feels like a backhanded comment about their appearance. If you’re truly concerned, ask how they’re doing without pointing out how they look. It shows you really care without making it awkward.
“Calm down.”
This one almost never works the way you want it to. Saying “calm down” can make someone feel like their feelings aren’t valid or that they’re overreacting. It’s very dismissive, even if you don’t mean it that way. A better approach is to listen and show some understanding. People calm down faster when they feel heard, not when they’re told to quiet their emotions.
“No offense, but…”
Whenever you start a sentence like this, people immediately brace for something offensive. It’s like giving yourself a free pass to say something rude. The truth is, if you have to say “no offense,” the comment probably is offensive. Try being more thoughtful with your words, or just don’t say it at all if you know it might hurt someone.
“I’m just being honest.”
Honesty is good, but this phrase usually shows up right before or after something unnecessarily harsh. Saying “I’m just being honest” often comes across as a way to excuse rude or blunt comments. Being honest doesn’t mean you should ignore kindness. You can still be real without being mean, and people will respect you more if your honesty is thoughtful, not sharp.
“You always…” or “You never…”
These sweeping statements usually come up during arguments, and they instantly put the other person on the defensive. No one always or never does anything, so using these phrases can make someone feel unfairly criticized. It’s better to speak about specific situations rather than painting someone’s behavior with such a broad brush. It keeps things from escalating unnecessarily.
“That’s not how I would do it.”
This might sound like a casual comment, but it can come across as condescending, especially if someone is very proud of what they did. It makes it seem like your way is better, even if that’s not what you meant. Instead, you can ask questions or show interest in their method without comparing it to yours. People always appreciate curiosity more than criticism.
“It could be worse.”
This one’s tricky because you may genuinely mean to help someone see the bright side. But when people are upset, telling them “it could be worse” doesn’t help—it just makes them feel like their problems don’t matter. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply acknowledge their feelings. Once they feel supported, they’ll be more open to perspective.
“At least…”
Similar to “it could be worse,” saying “at least…” tries to spin things positively, but it can sound like you’re brushing off what someone is going through. If a friend says they lost their job and you respond with “at least you have your health,” you’re skipping over what they’re feeling. Sometimes, people just want you to sit with them in the moment.
“You should smile more.”
Telling someone to smile might seem harmless but it can feel controlling, especially when said to women. It sends a message that their face exists for other people’s comfort. People don’t always want to smile, and they shouldn’t have to just to make others happy. If you want to brighten someone’s day, try offering a genuine compliment instead.
“That’s just how I am.”
Using this phrase to excuse bad behavior or habits can sound dismissive and even a little lazy. It shuts down the chance for growth and puts all the pressure on others to accept things you could work on. People respect self-awareness more than stubbornness. If something you’re doing is bothering others, being open to change shows maturity and care.
“I was just joking.”
When someone points out that something you said hurt their feelings, and you respond with “I was just joking,” it doesn’t undo the hurt, but also makes them feel like they’re being too sensitive. Jokes don’t land the same for everyone, and if someone speaks up, it’s worth listening. A better move is to say sorry and keep the joke for people who’d appreciate it.
“Whatever.”
This tiny word packs a lot of frustration and disinterest into just a few letters. Saying whatever in the middle of a conversation shuts things down and makes the other person feel like their thoughts aren’t worth your time. Even if you’re annoyed, try to express what you’re feeling instead of brushing it all off with one cold word.
“It’s fine.”
Most people can tell when it’s not fine, even if you say it is. Saying “it’s fine” when you’re clearly upset sends mixed messages and leaves people guessing. If you’re not ready to talk, that’s okay—just say so. Being honest in a calm way is always better than pretending everything’s okay when it isn’t, especially with people who care about you.
“I guess.”
It might sound casual, but saying “I guess” often makes you seem unsure or not fully on board, even if you actually agree. People may take it as hesitation or a lack of interest, which can leave them feeling very confused or unimportant. Instead of giving half-answers, being clear shows that you’re actually paying attention and that you care enough to give a real response.
“I know exactly how you feel.”
You might think saying this makes you sound relatable, but it can accidentally take the focus away from the other person. Everyone’s experiences are different so saying you know exactly how someone feels can sound pretty dismissive, even if you mean well. It’s more helpful to ask questions, listen closely, and say something like, “That sounds really tough—I’m here if you want to talk.”