Lisa O
People apologize for things that don’t actually need an apology. It happens all the time. Someone apologizes for laughing too loudly or for taking up too much space in a conversation. The habit runs deep, and it shows up in ways that can make daily life feel smaller than it should. There are specific things worth letting go of that apologetic reflex for, and most of them involve just existing as a normal person.
Taking time to respond.
Some people feel guilty when they don’t reply to a message right away. They send an apology even after a few hours, or maybe a full day. The expectation that everyone should be constantly available doesn’t match how life actually works. People have jobs, errands, and moments when they’re just not looking at their phone. Sometimes they see a message and forget to respond. A delayed response isn’t rude or inconsiderate.
Asking questions.
Watch someone in a meeting and notice how they phrase things. Before they ask for clarification on a deadline or a term’s meaning, they’ll tack on a ‘sorry.’ It gets said so automatically that people don’t even register doing it. The question itself is usually straightforward and something others probably want answered, too. Nobody gets annoyed by reasonable questions. Confusion causes way more problems than just asking what something means in the first place.
Saying no to plans.
An invite shows up, and someone knows right away they can’t do it. Maybe they’re tired or already have plans. Instead of just saying no, they write out this long thing about their schedule and why they wish they could go. The person who invited them wasn’t expecting a yes from everyone anyway. Schedules don’t always line up. Saying no works fine on its own.
Eating in front of others.
Someone opens their lunch during a call and immediately says sorry to the screen. They think everyone’s paying attention to the sound or the smell. Most people on the call aren’t even looking. They’re distracted by their own stuff or waiting for their turn to talk. Eating at a desk is normal enough that nobody really notices unless it’s pointed out.
Changing their mind.
Someone can decide they no longer want something and feel they need to justify it with a lengthy apology. They agreed to a plan last week, but now they’re not interested, or their circumstances have shifted. Opinions and preferences change over time as people learn more or experience different things. That’s just how people work. Changing direction doesn’t require permission from others or a formal explanation with supporting evidence.
Having emotions.
Crying during a conversation or getting upset about something real can sometimes prompt people to say ‘sorry’ automatically. They try to minimize their feelings as if showing them is an inconvenience to whoever happens to be present. Emotions happen whether someone wants them to or not, and they come up at unexpected times. They’re part of being human. Apologizing for having a natural reaction suggests there’s something wrong with having one.
Taking up physical space.
This shows up in crowded places, where someone shrinks themselves and mutters an apology for existing in the general area. They’ll squeeze into a corner on public transit or hover awkwardly in a hallway trying not to block anyone’s path. Bodies take up space, and that’s not something anyone should feel bad about. Moving through the world requires space, and everyone else is doing the same.
Not knowing something.
There’s this thing where people will preface admitting they don’t know something with an apology. It happens in meetings when a term gets thrown around that they’ve never heard before. Or someone asks them about a topic, and they have zero information. The sorry comes out automatically before they admit the gap. But nobody actually has encyclopedic knowledge of everything. Pretending and hoping nobody notices the confusion is way worse.
Setting boundaries.
Watch what happens when someone tries to tell a friend they went too far with a joke. The words come out wrong. Sorry comes before anything else. Then the friend who made the joke gets comforted, while the person who felt hurt just lets it go. Happens all the time. The boundary never actually gets set because the apology made it awkward to continue.
Looking different from what was expected.
Someone will apologize for showing up somewhere in casual clothes or for not wearing makeup that day. They’ll preface their appearance with a whole explanation about why they look a certain way or didn’t put in extra effort. Appearance varies from day to day based on time and energy levels. Not meeting some imagined standard isn’t a failure. It’s just reality, and most people look casual in everyday situations.
Needing help.
Reaching out for help with something turns into this awkward dance. The request includes disclaimers stating that it does not intend to impose or take up time. People act like asking a question is some huge burden. But everyone runs into problems they can’t solve on their own. That’s just normal. Asking someone who knows more makes sense, and most people are happy to help when they can.
Being sick or tired.
Someone wakes up with a fever and still feels bad about missing work. The sick day email turns into a detailed medical report. Or exhaustion makes them zone out during a conversation, and they start apologizing for being quiet. Getting sick isn’t a choice. Neither is running out of energy after a long week. Bodies just hit limits sometimes, regardless of what anyone wants.
Having different opinions.
Someone in the group disagrees with the group about where to eat or what movie to see. They say sorry right after stating their preference. The disagreement wasn’t even harsh. They just had a different thought. But the apology made it seem like having another opinion was rude. Groups can handle people wanting different things. That’s usually how decisions get made anyway.
Taking a compliment.
When someone receives praise or recognition, they’ll often deflect it immediately with an apology and an explanation of why they don’t deserve the attention. They’ll downplay their work or redirect credit elsewhere, as if accepting credit would be arrogant. Accepting a compliment doesn’t mean someone thinks they’re better than others around them. It just means they can acknowledge their effort and the results without false modesty getting in the way.
Pursuing what they want.
Say someone joins a running club or takes night classes for something they’re interested in. Friends text about getting together, and the answer is no because of the schedule. That no gets padded with apologies about being busy or unavailable. Like having something outside the usual routine is bad. It’s not abandoning anyone to spend a few hours a week on personal stuff. Life needs more than just work and the same social plans on repeat.