Lisa O
The things that cut deepest often arrive wrapped in politeness. No one means harm—it’s just how people talk sometimes. A small comment lands wrong, a laugh stretches too far, and someone walks away thinking about it long after everyone else forgets. That’s the strange thing about words. They don’t always sound heavy, but they find places to settle where silence can’t reach.
Casual jokes about someone’s quirks.
It’s easy to make a joke when you know someone well. Their habits become the punchline because it feels safe. They laugh too, but not because it’s funny—because disagreeing would make it awkward. Later, they hear that same line again in their head. What began as friendly teasing evolves into a subtle reminder of how others perceive them. After that, they keep a little more to themselves.
Compliments that don’t feel kind.
Some compliments carry an edge that doesn’t show at first. They sound warm, but the phrasing takes a turn that makes the person feel bad about themselves. The praise mixed with judgment feels like being told they finally got it right. They smile anyway, but the experience stays with them later, leaving them feeling judged rather than noticed. Real compliments land softly. But these leave some bad impressions in their mind.
Dismissing someone’s struggle.
When someone shares something hard, it’s easy to remind them that others have it worse. It sounds practical, like you’re offering balance. But it doesn’t feel that way to them. It tells them their feelings are too small to take up space. They go quiet, pretending they feel lighter, when in reality, they feel unseen. Some people stop talking after that. It’s easier than being talked over.
Commenting on how tired someone looks.
It never sounds cruel. It’s often said softly, maybe even with concern. Still, it lands wrong. It turns out that they look into something to fix. They smile, say they didn’t sleep well, and move on. But for the rest of the day, they keep thinking about it. Every mirror becomes a test they didn’t ask to take. Small talk shouldn’t make people self-conscious, but this one always does.
Calling a change temporary.
When someone tries something new, labelling it a “phase” can make it sound like a mistake in progress. It turns genuine effort into a fad. Perhaps they’ve discovered a new interest. But the word makes it feel flimsy, like people are waiting for it to fade. Change takes courage, but that one comment can make it feel like it never really counted.
Hiding rudeness behind honesty.
Honesty is often used as a shield for cruelty. The words might be true, but they’re rarely kind. When someone hides behind “just being honest,” it turns truth into a weapon. It’s a way of keeping power in a conversation while pretending it’s virtue. People remember those moments as a sting of something that didn’t need to be said.
Telling someone to smile more.
It sounds harmless, but it’s not. It suggests that someone’s face is meant to make others feel comfortable. Maybe they’re tired or deep in thought, but now they’re reminded that being themselves isn’t enough. Later, they catch their reflection and wonder if they look unapproachable. A real smile shouldn’t be requested—it should arrive on its own.
Calling someone an overthinker.
Sometimes people need to think things through. It’s how they make sense of their world. Saying they’re “overthinking” can feel dismissive, especially when their concern is real to them. It’s another way of saying “I don’t want to hear this.” The person quiets down, not because they agree, but because they no longer feel safe to speak.
Brushing off small worries.
People often advise against taking things too seriously. It’s meant to comfort, but it flattens the depth of someone’s feelings. Maybe that tiny comment or look really did matter to them. When you call it small, you take away the chance to understand it. The moment might pass for you, but it stays for them. Not everything needs fixing. Sometimes, it just needs to be heard.
Saying “I’m fine” when it isn’t true.
People say it to end conversations, not start them. It’s a way to keep control when they don’t want to explain. But the more it’s used, the easier it becomes to hide behind. Eventually, no one asks again, and the silence feels heavier than the problem ever did. It’s strange how protection can turn into isolation without anyone noticing it’s happened.
Using always and never.
These words come out in frustration and sound final. You always forget. You never listen. They turn one mistake into a pattern, making people feel stuck inside it. Suddenly, the talk isn’t about a single moment—it’s about their entire character. It’s hard to repair something when the language used to describe it leaves no room to change.
Downplaying effort as luck.
Telling someone they’re lucky can sound nice, but it often overlooks the effort and struggles that got them there. It condenses years of effort into a single coincidence. They might nod and agree with you, but part of them feels invisible. It’s not pride they want—it’s recognition. Hard work deserves acknowledgement, even when it looks easy from the outside. Luck might open doors, but effort keeps them from closing.
Giving advice too quickly.
When someone’s upset, it’s tempting to jump straight to meaning or lessons. You tell them everything happens for a reason, thinking it’ll help. But it doesn’t. It skips over the part where they just needed someone to stay in it with them for a minute. People remember who sat with them in silence, not who tried to tidy up their feelings before they were ready.
Pointing out someone’s quiet.
It’s said to fill the silence, but never lands well. Some people speak less because they’re thinking, not because they’re shy. Calling attention to it makes them self-aware in a way they weren’t before. The next time they’re with a group, they stay even quieter. Not everyone connects through words. Sometimes being silent is how people feel most at ease.
Promising to catch up soon.
It’s something people say to sound warm at the end of a conversation. It feels polite, even caring. But when it doesn’t turn into action, it hurts more than honesty would have. The promise fades, but the hope it sparked doesn’t disappear as quickly. Words like that leave a quiet disappointment behind—a small ache that no one meant to cause.