Lisa O
At the start, everything feels almost too good to be true. They’re charming, attentive, and they know how to make you feel chosen. But narcissists don’t always show their true face right away. Some hide behind warmth until you’ve already let your guard down. By then, you’re left wondering what happened. These signs can help you spot when the mask is slipping before you lose yourself in their games.
They Love-Bomb at the Start
It begins with an intensity that sweeps you off your feet. Late-night messages, compliments every hour, grand promises for the future. You can barely catch your breath, and it feels like destiny. But then, the effort fades. The texts slow, the compliments dry up, and you’re left questioning why things shifted so quickly. That sudden drop wasn’t your fault — it’s how narcissists hook people before showing their real patterns.
They Make Conversations Circle Back to Them
You tell a story, and within minutes, they’ve twisted it to highlight themselves. Maybe they’ve had a “better” version of your experience or redirected the moment to their struggles. At first, it might feel like enthusiasm, but over time, you notice you’re barely being heard. Instead of sharing space, you’re stuck in their orbit. Slowly, your role shifts from equal partner to captive audience, applauding their spotlight while your voice fades out.
Their Praise Comes With a Catch
At first, it feels good when they notice you. You soak it in, thinking this is what real support looks like. Then they add a little twist — a “but” that takes the shine off. Maybe it’s about your appearance, maybe about your work. After a while, you realize it’s never just praise. It’s a way to remind you that their opinion decides your worth, not your own.
They Can’t Take Criticism Without Exploding
Try to raise even the smallest issue, and the reaction feels out of proportion. A casual comment about being late turns into a heated defense or an accusation that you’re unfair. You soon realize it’s easier to stay quiet than risk the fallout. Healthy relationships allow space for feedback. With them, any criticism gets flipped into an attack. You stop speaking up, but your needs don’t disappear.
Guilt Becomes Their Favorite Tool
When they mess up, the focus somehow shifts to you. Maybe you bring up being hurt, but within minutes, you’re apologizing instead. They twist situations until you’re left questioning if you’re the problem. That’s how guilt works in their hands — it’s a weapon, not a feeling. Over time, you spend more energy managing your own guilt than holding them accountable for their choices. It leaves you worn down and full of doubt.
Their Empathy Feels Hollow
When you’re upset, they don’t ignore you. They’ll say the right lines, maybe pat your hand, maybe even sigh like they understand. But deep down, you can feel it isn’t real. It’s more performance than presence. And before you’ve even finished, the focus slides back to them. You’re left holding your pain alone, realizing their comfort never really reached you.
They Treat Love Like a Scoreboard
Every nice thing they do gets tallied. If they bought dinner, you’ll hear about it later. If they sacrificed something, it comes up again in the next fight. Your own efforts? Hardly mentioned. Slowly, it doesn’t feel like kindness anymore. It feels like credit and debt. Love isn’t supposed to be a game, but with them it is, and you’re always behind on the score.
They Act Sweet in Public, Cold in Private
Around friends or family, they’re charming. They put a hand on your shoulder, shower you with compliments, and make others envy your relationship. But the moment the door closes, the warmth disappears. Criticism and coldness take its place. This two-faced act confuses you because no one else sees it. When everyone praises how lucky you are, you start doubting your own reality, even though you’re the only one who feels the truth.
Stories Get Twisted to Protect Their Image
When mistakes happen, they rarely admit fault. Instead, they rewrite the story so they come out looking blameless. Sometimes they’re the misunderstood victim, sometimes the brilliant fixer, but never the one who caused harm. The details shift until truth no longer matters. What’s important is that their reputation stays clean. Over time, you learn the hard way that honesty is negotiable if it threatens their carefully built image.
They Push Boundaries Bit by Bit
It rarely starts with anything big. First, it’s a joke about who you’re spending time with. Then it’s glancing at your phone, framed as “just curious.” None of it feels like a deal breaker, so you brush it off. But little by little, those small intrusions stack up. One day, you look around and realize your choices aren’t really yours anymore. That’s how control creeps in — slowly, so you don’t notice until it’s too late.
They Disappear When You Need Them Most
When life is light, they’re front and center. They’ll laugh with you, pose for the photos, and enjoy the moments that make them look like the perfect partner. But when life turns heavy, they’re suddenly gone. Excuses pile up, or worse, they call you “too much.” That absence cuts deep because it exposes the truth: they only signed up for the easy parts. Real love doesn’t vanish when it gets hard.
Chaos Follows Them Everywhere
Peace never lasts for long. Out of nowhere, small disagreements turn into dramatic arguments. Sometimes you feel like they start fights just to stay in control. The cycle of chaos keeps you distracted, always reacting instead of noticing the bigger problems. A steady, calm relationship would give you space to think clearly. That’s the last thing they want. With them, turbulence isn’t accidental — it’s a tool to hold power.
They Chip Away at Your Confidence Quietly
The comments aren’t always obvious insults. Sometimes it’s a laugh at your idea or a remark that makes you doubt your choices. These small digs build over time, slowly shifting how you see yourself. Before long, you’re second-guessing even simple decisions. That loss of confidence isn’t random — it’s intentional. The weaker you feel, the more dependent you become on their opinion. Their control grows as your self-trust fades.
Playing the Victim Becomes Their Escape
Call them out, and suddenly they’re the ones who’ve been wronged. They might accuse you of being unfair, unkind, or even cruel. What started as your concern gets flipped until you’re comforting them instead. This tactic keeps the focus off their behavior and trains you to avoid confrontation. You stop bringing up problems because every attempt leaves you feeling guilty, even when you had every right to speak.
You Always Leave Feeling Drained
Time with them takes something out of you. Even simple days together feel heavier than they should. Arguments wear you down, conversations leave you second-guessing yourself, and even “good moments” carry tension underneath. At some point, you notice you’re giving more than you’re getting back. That exhaustion becomes normal until you remember love isn’t meant to hollow you out. It’s supposed to lift, not strip you bare.