Lisa O
Control doesn’t always come in chains or loud commands. Often, it hides in subtle words, gestures, and manipulations designed to steer your thoughts and actions without you noticing. These psychological tricks exploit trust, guilt, fear, or even kindness, making it harder to resist. Once you see them clearly, you can protect your independence and stop being quietly controlled. Here are 15 common tricks people use to control you.
Guilt-Tripping
“After everything I’ve done for you…” is a classic guilt trap. By framing your choices as selfish or ungrateful, manipulators shift the focus away from the issue and onto your conscience. You end up doing what they want just to relieve guilt. True respect doesn’t demand repayment. It allows freedom without emotional blackmail.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting makes you doubt your own memory or perception. Phrases like “You’re overreacting” or “That never happened” plant seeds of confusion. Over time, you question your own reality and rely on them for clarity. It’s not disagreement—it’s a deliberate attempt to destabilize your trust in yourself. Once you stop believing your own eyes and ears, control is theirs.
Love-Bombing
At first, it feels like overwhelming affection—constant compliments, gifts, and attention. But love-bombing isn’t genuine. It’s designed to hook you emotionally fast, making you dependent on their approval. Once you’re attached, the affection disappears, and control sets in. The cycle of high praise followed by cold withdrawal keeps you chasing validation, on their terms.
Silent Treatment
Withholding communication isn’t just rudeness—it’s control. Silence punishes you until you cave, apologizing or giving in just to restore peace. It shifts power by making you desperate for resolution. Instead of addressing issues openly, manipulators use silence to force compliance, leaving you walking on eggshells to avoid being shut out again.
Playing the Victim
Manipulators flip the script, painting themselves as the wronged party. Even when they hurt you, they’ll spin the story to look like you’re the cruel one. This keeps you defending yourself while ignoring their actions. By exaggerating their pain, they make you feel guilty for asserting boundaries—ensuring you stay stuck in their narrative.
Intermittent Reinforcement
One day they’re warm, the next they’re cold. You never know which version you’ll get. This unpredictability creates an addictive cycle, much like gambling. You keep trying harder, hoping for the “good” version of them to return. Psychologists call it intermittent reinforcement—it keeps you hooked, chasing the approval they give and withhold at will.
Overloading You With “Logic”
Some people use rapid-fire arguments, facts, or jargon to overwhelm. It’s not about truth—it’s about confusion. By bombarding you with “logic,” they make you feel unqualified to disagree. Eventually, you give in, not because you’re convinced, but because you’re exhausted. Real logic invites discussion; manipulative logic steamrolls you into silence.
Isolation
Control thrives when you’re cut off from others. Manipulators subtly discourage time with friends, criticize your family, or create conflicts that distance you from your support system. Once isolated, you rely solely on them for validation and guidance. Isolation isn’t always physical, but emotional too, making you feel like no one else truly understands.
Excessive Flattery
Flattery isn’t always kindness—it can be a leash. By showering you with compliments, manipulators make you crave their praise. Once you’re hooked, they use withdrawal of flattery as punishment. It conditions you to act in ways that keep their approval flowing. Real friends compliment; controllers flatter strategically.
Shifting Blame
When something goes wrong, manipulators make sure it’s your fault. Even if they caused the issue, they twist events until you’re apologizing. This habit erodes confidence—you start doubting yourself, assuming you’re always at fault. Blame-shifting keeps them clean while leaving you burdened with responsibility for problems you didn’t cause.
Fear Tactics
Sometimes control comes through subtle fear. It may be the fear of losing them, the fear of their anger, or the fear of embarrassment. By hinting at consequences—real or imagined—they box you in. Fear doesn’t need to be shouted; often it’s implied in a look, a pause, or a single warning phrase.
Triangulation
Manipulators bring in a third person to control you. They may say, “Everyone thinks you’re wrong,” or compare you unfavorably to someone else. Triangulation keeps you insecure, making you fight for their approval or feel ganged up on. Their aim isn’t honesty. It’s to make you doubt yourself by tilting the balance.
Creating Urgency
Controllers pressure you with false urgency: “If you don’t decide right now, you’ll regret it.” By manufacturing time pressure, they limit your ability to think clearly. Scarcity and urgency cloud judgment, making you act out of panic rather than choice. Genuine decisions allow time; manipulative ones demand haste.
Overpromising and Under-Delivering
They make big promises that rarely materialize. By dangling hope, they keep you compliant and waiting. Each broken promise chips away at your expectations, but you still cling to the possibility that next time will be different. It’s a psychological leash—keeping you in place with dreams that never arrive.
Labeling and Name-Calling
“You’re selfish,” “You’re crazy,” “You’re too sensitive.” Labels stick in your mind, reshaping how you see yourself. Over time, you internalize their negative words, adjusting your behavior to avoid criticism. This trick is powerful because it makes you control yourself for them. When you accept their label, you hand them the script for your identity.