Lisa O
Being in a relationship should feel like a partnership, not a one-way street. But sometimes, the imbalance isn’t obvious at first. The other person may not say they’re using you. In fact, they might not even see it themselves, but their actions tell the story. It’s in the way they treat your time, your boundaries, and your efforts. These subtle signs can help you spot when you’re giving more than you’re getting.
You Always Initiate Contact
If you stopped calling or texting, the conversation might disappear entirely. You’re the one reaching out, making plans, and checking in. They respond, sometimes warmly, but they rarely take the first step. Over time, you start to realize you’re carrying the responsibility for keeping the connection alive, and without your effort, it would fade.
They Cancel When Something Better Comes Up
Plans feel tentative because you’ve seen them change last-minute for something else. It’s not always dramatic — maybe a friend invited them out or they “forgot” a work thing — but the pattern is clear. You’re available for them, but they’re not treating your time as something to respect. Each cancellation chips away at the feeling that you’re a priority.
They Only Show Up When It’s Convenient
They’re eager to see you when the timing works for them, but if it means shuffling their plans or giving something up, they suddenly can’t make it. You end up moving things around in your own schedule just to fit into theirs. Over time, it stops feeling like two people making an effort and starts feeling like you’re just filling empty spaces in their calendar.
Conversations Revolve Around Their Needs
When you talk, it’s mostly about their problems, their goals, and their frustrations. You listen, offer advice, and show empathy, but when you bring up something from your life, the attention drifts quickly. They might nod and change the subject, or give a brief comment before steering the conversation back to themselves. You end up feeling more like an audience than a partner.
You Give More Than You Receive
It’s not about keeping score, but you notice the imbalance. You’re the one running errands for them, helping with projects, or covering the bill. When the roles are reversed, they have excuses, or their help comes with hesitation. The relationship starts to feel like a service you’re providing rather than something you’re building together.
They Avoid Emotional Vulnerability
They’re comfortable taking from you, but they don’t offer the same level of openness. When you ask deeper questions, they keep their answers vague or deflect with humor. You share your fears and hopes, but their guard never really comes down. The intimacy feels one-sided, and it leaves you wondering how much they actually trust you.
You Feel Drained After Interactions
Time together should leave you feeling connected, but instead, you often feel tired or unsettled. It’s as if you’ve been pouring energy into them without getting anything back. You might even find yourself rehearsing conversations in your head before you see them, preparing to give more than you expect to receive.
They Disappear When You Need Support
When you’re struggling, they’re suddenly busy or unavailable. Maybe they send a quick “Hope you’re okay” text, but there’s no follow-up or real presence. Yet, when they have a crisis, you’re expected to drop everything. The double standard becomes clear the more you compare how each of you shows up in difficult moments.
Your Boundaries Aren’t Respected
You’ve told them what you’re comfortable with — maybe it’s about time, finances, or personal space, but they push past it anyway. They might phrase it like a joke or act like it’s no big deal, but it leaves you feeling unheard. Over time, you notice you’ve been compromising far more than you should just to keep the peace.
They Make You Feel Guilty for Saying No
Anytime you turn down a request, they act hurt or disappointed, sometimes even questioning your commitment to them. It’s subtle, but it works — you find yourself saying yes to things you don’t have the time or energy for just to avoid the guilt trip. Eventually, your own needs get pushed to the back burner.
Their Interest Peaks When They Need Something
You’ll notice bursts of attention — more texts, more affection — right before they ask for a favor. Once they get what they need, the enthusiasm fades. It’s not always intentional manipulation, but it leaves you feeling like their affection is tied to what you can do for them rather than who you are.
They Avoid Integrating You Into Their Life
You’ve been together for a while, but you still haven’t met many of their friends or family. They keep your connection separate from other parts of their life. When you suggest spending time in their world, they change the subject or make vague promises. It’s as if they want the benefits of being with you without the commitment of fully including you.
They Dismiss Your Concerns
When you bring up how you’re feeling, they downplay it — “You’re overthinking,” “It’s not a big deal.” Instead of listening and trying to understand, they brush it aside. This makes you second-guess your own perceptions and keeps you from pushing the conversation further. Over time, the lack of validation makes you quieter about your needs.
You Sense You’re Being Managed, Not Loved
There’s a difference between being valued and being maintained. They give you just enough attention to keep you from walking away, but not enough to make you feel truly cherished. You start to notice that their gestures are timed or minimal enough to keep things going without real effort behind them.
Your Gut Says Something’s Off
Even if you can’t point to one clear incident, you feel the imbalance. Maybe it’s the way they talk to you, the pattern of their attention, or the quiet relief they seem to have when you do something for them. Your instincts keep nudging you that this relationship isn’t as mutual as it should be, even if everything looks fine from the outside.