Lisa O
Confidence isn’t about being the loudest in the room or acting like you have all the answers—it’s about how you carry yourself, how you treat others, and how comfortable you seem in your skin. The problem is, some habits can quietly signal that you’re unsure of yourself, even if you don’t mean to. Here are 15 behaviors that make people think you lack confidence:
Constantly apologizing for everything.
Saying sorry for little, harmless things (like asking a question or taking up space) can make it look like you’re afraid of bothering people. Apologizing when you’ve done something wrong is very good, but overdoing it shows that you are trying to shrink yourself. Confident people know they have a right to speak, ask, and exist without feeling like they’re a burden every time they open their mouth.
Talking down about yourself.
Joking about your flaws or making negative comments about your abilities might feel like harmless self-awareness, but it can make others believe you actually think poorly of yourself. People tend to take your words at face value, so constant self-criticism can create a lasting impression. Confident individuals can laugh at themselves without painting a picture that they’re secretly doubting their own worth.
Needing constant reassurance.
It’s normal to want feedback sometimes, but if you can’t make a move without someone telling you you’re doing fine, it starts to look like you don’t trust your own judgment. Always seeking validation puts the power in other people’s hands. Confident people still value advice, but they don’t rely on it every step of the way to feel secure in what they’re doing.
Avoiding eye contact.
Looking down, glancing away too often, or focusing anywhere but on the person you’re speaking to can give the impression you’re unsure of yourself. Eye contact helps people feel connected to you, and avoiding it makes you seem nervous or pretty distracted. It’s not about staring someone down; it’s about showing with your eyes that you’re present and comfortable in the moment.
Overexplaining everything you do.
If you feel the need to justify every choice, action, or opinion with an elaborate backstory, it can make it seem like you’re scared of being judged. While context is sometimes helpful, confident people trust that their decisions can stand on their own. Explaining every tiny detail sends the message that you’re trying to defend yourself before anyone has even questioned you.
Laughing at things that aren’t funny.
Nervous laughter is something almost everyone has done, but if you laugh too often just to fill silences or smooth over harmless comments, it can come across as insecurity. It’s like you’re trying to keep everyone comfortable at your own expense. True confidence allows you to sit with quiet moments or differing opinions without feeling the need to “soften” everything.
Talking too much to fill the silence.
Feeling like you need to keep the conversation going at all times can actually have the opposite effect you want. It may make people think you’re trying too hard or afraid of awkward pauses. Comfortable, confident people know silence isn’t an enemy—it can actually make interactions feel more natural. They talk when they have something to say, not just to fill the air.
Avoiding making decisions.
Always leaving choices to someone else, whether it’s where to eat or how to move forward on a project, can make you seem hesitant or afraid of responsibility. While being flexible is a good trait, constantly deferring to others gives the impression you don’t trust your own judgment. Confident people can take input but still make a call when it’s needed.
Overcompensating with arrogance.
Sometimes insecurity shows up as trying too hard to seem confident (bragging, talking over others, or acting like you’re the one who’s right). But that kind of energy usually makes people feel pushed away, not impressed. Real confidence doesn’t need to dominate a room; it’s about being secure enough to share space, admit mistakes, and listen without feeling threatened by other voices.
Letting people interrupt you without speaking up.
When someone cuts you off and you immediately stop talking without finishing your thought, it can signal that you don’t feel what you have to say is important. Confident people will politely but firmly pick back up where they left off. They know their voice matters, and they don’t let interruptions erase their contribution to the conversation.
Being overly agreeable.
Saying “yes” to everything (even when you disagree or feel uncomfortable) can make people think you’re afraid of conflict or rejection. While kindness is a strength, never standing your ground sends the message that your own opinions and boundaries aren’t worth defending. Learn to say no. People tend to respect those who can be polite but still speak up when something doesn’t sit right.
Fidgeting constantly.
Tapping your foot, clicking a pen, or shifting in your seat over and over can make it seem like you’re uneasy in your surroundings. These habits often happen without you realizing, but others notice. Confident people tend to have calmer, more intentional movements, which makes them appear more grounded. Stillness often reads as comfort with yourself and the situation.
Avoiding compliments.
If you always deflect praise—saying things like “Oh, it was nothing” or “I just got lucky”—it can seem like you don’t believe you deserve credit. Accepting a compliment with a simple “thank you” shows that you acknowledge your own value. Confident people don’t see recognition as bragging; they view it as an honest exchange of appreciation.
Constantly comparing yourself to others.
Making side comments about how you’re “not as good” as someone else or how you “wish you were more like them” can make it clear you’re focused on your own shortcomings. Confident people can admire others without feeling smaller in the process. They measure themselves against their own progress instead of treating life like a constant scoreboard against everyone else.
Speaking in a hesitant tone.
If you sound unsure about any topic (even when you know the answer), it can give the impression you’re not confident in what you’re saying. Maybe you even know the topic well but you’re hesitant to share your views about it. Confident people might pause to think, but when they speak, they do so with clarity. Their tone shows they believe in their own words.