Lisa O
Being in love can cloud your vision, especially when the person you’re with knows how to charm you. Narcissists often start as attentive, exciting partners, but over time, their need for control, admiration, and power begins to show. If you’ve been feeling drained, confused, or constantly on edge in your relationship, these 15 signs might help you see the truth more clearly.
They Make Everything About Themselves
A narcissist has a way of turning every conversation, plan, or problem back to themselves. Even when you share something important, they quickly shift the focus so it centers on their experiences or feelings. You start to notice that your needs rarely take priority. Over time, you feel invisible in your own relationship because they’re always the main character in every story.
They Give Love on Their Terms
They show affection only when it suits them, and in the beginning, it can feel exciting and intense. You notice that their love comes with conditions, often based on what they want from you. When you don’t give them the attention they crave, their warmth disappears. Instead of feeling loved for who you are, you find yourself constantly working to earn their approval (which is not ideal).
They Can’t Handle Criticism
Even gentle feedback can spark an angry reaction or a cold shutdown. Narcissists see criticism as a personal attack, not as a chance to grow. You might start avoiding honest conversations to keep the peace, which leaves you carrying unspoken frustrations. Over time, this fear of setting them off chips away at your ability to speak your truth.
They Gaslight You
Gaslighting happens when someone makes you doubt your own memory or perception. A narcissist might deny things they clearly said, twist events to suit their version, or accuse you of overreacting. After a while, you start questioning your own mind and leaning on them for “clarity,” which only gives them more control. It’s a slow but powerful way they break your confidence.
They Need Constant Praise
Narcissists crave admiration like it’s oxygen. They fish for compliments or drive conversations toward their achievements. When you don’t give them enough praise, they may sulk, withdraw, or even pick random fights. This constant need for validation can leave you feeling like your role is to be their cheerleader rather than their equal partner.
They Lack Genuine Empathy
You may see that when you’re hurting, they offer little real comfort. They dismiss your feelings, compare them to their own problems, or make you feel guilty for needing support. This lack of empathy leaves you feeling emotionally alone, even when they’re right beside you. Over time, you start to accept minimal care because you’ve learned not to expect more (you’ve changed due to their actions).
They Control Through Guilt
A narcissist uses guilt to get what they want. They might remind you of things they’ve done for you, twist your words, or make you feel selfish for setting boundaries. This manipulation works very well because you begin to doubt whether you’re being fair. Eventually, you give in just to stop the guilt trips, even if it means putting their needs before your own.
They Compete With You
Instead of celebrating your achievements, they try to one-up you. If you get a promotion, they’ll bring up a bigger success of their own or downplay yours. This competitiveness can turn even happy moments into tension. Instead of feeling supported, you start hiding your wins to avoid making them feel threatened or sparking another round of rivalry.
They Love-Bomb and Then Withdraw
In the beginning, they shower you with affection, gifts, and constant attention, making you believe you’ve met your perfect match. Once they know you’re emotionally hooked, their warmth fades and they turn distant or cold. This push-and-pull pattern leaves you unsteady, always chasing the rush of that early love-bombing stage and hoping they’ll go back to the person they seemed to be at first.
They Disrespect Your Boundaries
You may set clear limits, but they push past them or ignore them completely. Whether it’s invading your privacy, pressuring you into things you’re not comfortable with, or dismissing your no, narcissists act as if your boundaries don’t matter at all. This disrespect leaves you feeling powerless and very uncertain about your right to protect yourself after some time.
They Play the Victim
Even when they’re clearly wrong, a narcissist can twist the situation until they look like the one who’s been wronged. They’ll focus on how your actions hurt them and ignore any harm they caused. This constant victim role makes you feel like you’re always the problem and it slowly erodes your self-esteem and sense of fairness in the relationship.
They Isolate You From Others
These kinds of people subtly discourage you from spending time with friends or family, or they’ll create drama that makes it easier to just stay home. At first, it may feel like they just want more time together. But before long, you realize your support system has shrunk, leaving you more dependent on them and less likely to hear outside perspectives.
They Twist Your Words
A narcissist can take something you said in a calm moment and use it against you later. They bring it up in arguments, exaggerate it, or change the context completely. This twisting of your words makes you hesitant to speak freely because you never know how they’ll spin it. After some time you find yourself editing your own thoughts to avoid conflict.
They Show Affection Publicly but Not Privately
In front of others, they may act like the perfect partner (affectionate, attentive, and proud to be with you). But that warmth can disappear behind closed doors. This split behavior leaves you very confused and you wonder why the love you see in public doesn’t match the coldness you feel in private. It’s a way they protect their image while keeping control over you.
They Make You Feel Drained
A healthy relationship energizes you, but you feel emotionally exhausted with a narcissist. Every single interaction seems to require careful thought to avoid conflict, manage their moods, or keep them satisfied. This constant emotional labor wears you down, and makes it hard to remember what it’s like to feel truly relaxed and happy in a relationship.