Lisa O
Marriage isn’t something you win once and keep forever. It’s something you have to keep choosing, growing into, and showing up for. And while plenty of advice focuses on what women “should do” in relationships, men often miss the quieter habits that chip away at closeness. If you’re married and want your relationship to feel stronger, safer, and more connected, here are 15 things worth rethinking.
Dismissing Her Feelings as Overreactions
If she’s upset and you respond with “You’re overreacting,” “You’re too sensitive,” or “You always take things the wrong way,” you’re not solving the problem — you’re invalidating her experience. You don’t have to understand her emotion to respect that it’s real to her. Empathy doesn’t require agreement, just presence. If she opens up and gets shut down, next time, she might not bother saying anything at all.
Putting Work Before the Relationship
Being a provider is one thing. Being unavailable is another. If your best energy goes to your job, your coworkers, or your clients, and your partner gets what’s left, that imbalance doesn’t go unnoticed. She wants your support, not just your paycheck. She wants your attention, not just your errands. Your presence can’t be replaced by gifts, vacations, or plans you’re too tired to enjoy.
Expecting Praise for Basic Contributions
Doing your share of the household or parenting duties is what being a partner looks like. So, if you expect applause every time you load the dishwasher or watch the kids, you’re still thinking like a guest in your own home. Real partnership is invisible when it’s working well. It’s not about keeping score. It’s about showing up without needing a medal.
Zoning Out During Conversations
Tuning out, giving half-answers, or “listening” while on your phone sends a message: you don’t care enough to fully show up. You may think you’re multitasking, but she notices when she has to repeat herself or when your eyes glaze over halfway through her story. You don’t have to fix her problems. But you do have to care. That means eye contact, attention, and the occasional follow-up question that proves you were actually there.
Making Jokes at Her Expense in Public
There’s a big difference between playful teasing and subtle humiliation. You may think it’s harmless to poke fun at her in front of others, but if she’s uncomfortable, that “joke” becomes a tiny betrayal. She wants to know you have her back in every room. If the only one laughing is you, or worse, strangers, then it wasn’t a joke. It was disrespect disguised as humor.
Assuming She’ll Always Handle the Emotional Labor
She’s not your personal therapist, family manager, or mood stabilizer. If she’s always the one keeping track of appointments, managing family dynamics, remembering birthdays, and maintaining emotional balance — that’s a full-time job. When you opt out of that invisible labor, you’re not just skipping tasks. You’re forcing her to carry the mental and emotional weight of the relationship alone.
Shutting Down Instead of Talking Things Through
Going silent, storming off, or giving one-word answers doesn’t make you mysterious or emotionally strong. It makes communication impossible. If she wants to work through something and you check out emotionally, you’re teaching hernot to bother trying. Avoiding discomfort might keep the peace in the moment, but it builds distance in the long run. Real men show up.
Prioritizing Everyone Else Before Her
If your calendar is packed with friends, family, or work obligations, but she always comes last, it starts to feel like she’s the option — not the priority. Yes, life is busy. But love without intentional time becomes routine. If she has to constantly wait her turn, don’t be surprised when she stops asking.
Keeping Score
Saying ‘I did this, so you should do that’ isn’t partnership. It turns the relationship into a transaction. If everything becomes tit-for-tat, it creates resentment on both sides. Love isn’t a balance sheet. Help because you care. Apologize because you value peace. Do something kind without expecting something in return. When both people stop keeping score, you both win.
Hiding Behind “That’s Just How I Am”
Change isn’t betrayal. Growth doesn’t make you weak. If your partner asks for something different, and your answer is “This is just who I am,” that’s a refusal to evolve. The man you were five years ago isn’t enough for the marriage you want now. Being willing to grow is one of the most loving things you can do.
Flirting to “Feel Alive”
You don’t need to be unfaithful to break trust. Subtle flirting, suggestive comments, or attention-seeking online behavior can hurt just as much. If you’re chasing validation from strangers, ask yourself what you’re missing — and whether that gap can be filled within your own relationship. Real love isn’t fueled by likes or looks from outsiders. It’s built by showing up fully with the one who chose you.
Letting Yourself Go Emotionally
This isn’t about hairlines or gym memberships. This is about shutting down emotionally over time and expecting the relationship to stay warm. You can’t build a deep connection on autopilot. If you stop sharing your thoughts, your dreams, or your feelings, she’ll eventually feel like she’s living with a roommate instead of a partner. Emotional presence matters more than any romantic gesture.
Turning Every Disagreement Into a Power Struggle
If every disagreement becomes a battle to win, you’re creating a dynamic where someone always loses. That person is often her, and over time, she’ll grow tired of feeling defeated. A strong man doesn’t need to dominate an argument. He knows when to listen, when to bend, and when being close is more important than being right.
Expecting Her to Read Your Mind
She can’t read your mind, and she shouldn’t have to try. If something’s bothering you, say it out loud. If you need space, explain what’s going on. Waiting for her to magically guess what you’re feeling only creates confusion and pressure. When she gets it wrong, you’ll both end up frustrated — not because she failed, but because you didn’t give her a chance to get it right.
Taking Her Love for Granted
She’s always been there. She handles the hard stuff. She’s patient. She forgives. But don’t mistake consistency for unconditional tolerance. Love needs to be seen, spoken, and protected. Don’t wait until she’s emotionally gone to realize what you’ve lost. Effort shouldn’t stop when things feel stable. That’s exactly when it matters most.