Lisa O
In the beginning, everything feels almost too good. They know just what to say, always follow up with thoughtful messages, and seem genuinely fascinated by you. It feels easy, like you’ve finally found someone who gets it. However, little by little, their charm becomes strategy. What once felt sweet starts to feel calculated, and before long, you’re bending yourself to fit into their version of a relationship.
They compliment you constantly.
In the beginning, their flattery feels incredible. They say you’re the most beautiful, the smartest, the best they’ve ever met. But the praise is excessive, and it’s not really about you. It’s a way to hook you fast, gain trust, and get you emotionally invested. Later, the compliments fade or flip into criticisms. That drastic shift makes you chase the high again, wondering what you did wrong to lose their approval.
They mirror your personality.
At first, it feels like you’ve finally met someone who “gets” you. They love what you love, agree with your opinions, and seem to share your values. But t’s all imitation. Narcissists study you and reflect back what you want to see so they can earn your trust. Over time, the mask slips, and you start to notice that their personality changes depending on who they’re with.
They move fast emotionally.
They tell you you’re “the one” after only a few dates. They talk about moving in, getting married, or starting a future together before you really know them. It feels flattering, even exciting. But this speed is manipulation. Narcissists rush intimacy to lock you in before you’ve had time to see the red flags. The goal is control, not connection.
They always “happen” to be the victim.
In every story they share, someone else is the villain. Whether it’s an ex, a boss, or a friend, they’re always misunderstood, betrayed, or wronged. At first, you might feel sympathetic, even protective. But soon, you’ll realize the pattern: they never take responsibility. This narrative trains you to see them as fragile or persecuted—so you hesitate to challenge them, even when something feels off.
They fish for reassurance.
They downplay themselves—“I’m probably not good enough for you”—just to hear you say they are. They make you chase them emotionally, always trying to prove your love. In the beginning, this might seem like insecurity. But it’s actually a tactic. By making you work for their emotional stability, they keep you off balance and focused on meeting their needs instead of your own.
They make jokes at your expense.
They tease you in front of others or point out your flaws in a “playful” way. At first, you laugh it off. But over time, the jokes become more cutting, and the laughter feels hollow. When you express hurt, they say you’re “too sensitive” or that they’re “just kidding.” It’s humiliation disguised as fun.
They isolate you in subtle ways.
They never directly forbid you from seeing friends or family. Instead, they complain that others are “toxic” or that they “don’t understand us.” They might make you feel guilty for wanting time alone or suggest that your support system is working against your relationship. The result? You slowly begin cutting ties without even realizing it, until they’re the only voice you regularly hear.
They give with strings attached.
In the beginning, they’re generous with gifts, help, surprises. But nothing they give is free. Later, those gifts are used as leverage. “After everything I’ve done for you…” becomes a common line. What looked like kindness turns out to be a form of control. You feel obligated, like you can’t say no or express discontent because you “owe” them something in return.
They love being seen as the “perfect partner”.
They’ll cook, clean, fix things, and show up for you in ways that others envy. But it’s not about partnership—it’s about image. Narcissists often care more about looking good than actually being good to you. Their support comes when there’s an audience or a reward. Behind closed doors, the effort dwindles, but they still expect constant praise for how amazing they think they are.
They subtly compare you to others.
It doesn’t always sound mean. Sometimes it’s framed as admiration. “She always looked put together.” “He really knew how to plan things.” At first, you let it slide. But those comments start piling up. You catch yourself wondering if you should dress differently or act a certain way just to keep their attention. They don’t say you’re falling short, but the message is there. You begin chasing an invisible standard that was never meant to be yours.
They twist your words later.
You’ll think you had a calm discussion, but days later, they bring it up differently. Suddenly, they “remember” you yelling or being unreasonable. You start to second-guess yourself, wondering if you actually did say it that way. This is gaslighting. It makes you rely on their version of reality instead of trusting your own memory. It’s a slow way to erode your confidence.
They need constant admiration.
At first, you’re happy to tell them how great they are. They seem successful, talented, or charismatic, and you want to support them. But soon, it’s never enough. They crave attention and praise like oxygen, and when it stops, they sulk or lash out. What felt like enthusiasm turns into emotional labor. You’re always managing their ego just to keep things peaceful.
They hide their real lives.
They’re vague about their past, dodge questions about relationships, or give inconsistent details. Early on, you chalk it up to privacy. But as time passes, you realize there are missing pieces. Narcissists often reinvent their story to suit the moment. Their truth changes depending on what they want from you. It keeps them in control and keeps you slightly unsure of where you really stand.
They flip the script when challenged.
Bring up a concern, and suddenly you’re the problem. They cry, get angry, or accuse you of being “too demanding” or “hard to please.” What started as a simple conversation turns into a spiral where you end up apologizing. This tactic is called blame-shifting. It makes you hesitant to raise issues again, allowing them to keep doing whatever they want without accountability.
They make you doubt your worth.
At first, they build you up. Then, they tear you down just enough to keep you dependent. You stop trusting your instincts, your decisions, or your attractiveness. You begin to feel like you’re lucky they chose you, like no one else would. That’s exactly where they want you. When your self-esteem is shaky, you’re less likely to walk away, and far more likely to accept mistreatment as normal.