Lisa O
Not everyone who smiles at you has good intentions. Some people hide their true character behind charm, confidence, or even kindness. If you find yourself second-guessing someone’s behavior, pay attention to these red flags. Here are 15 common signs that someone might not be as good-hearted as they seem.
They treat others badly when it doesn’t benefit them.
One of the clearest signs of someone’s character is how they treat people they don’t “need.” If they’re respectful to their boss but dismissive toward waitstaff or rude to customer service workers, that’s not kindness, that’s strategy. A goodperson acts with decency even when there’s nothing to gain. If someone only shows warmth to people who are useful, you can bet that their behavior toward you will shift the moment you’re no longer convenient.
They never take accountability.
When things go wrong, they always have someone else to blame. They twist the story so they’re the victim, or they double down and refuse to admit fault. A good person can say, “I messed up” and try to make it right. But someone who constantly deflects blame isn’t interested in growth or honesty. They care more about looking innocent than doing the right thing.
They enjoy making others feel small.
Some people can’t feel good about themselves unless they make others feel less than. It shows up in “jokes” that sting, constant comparisons, or public embarrassment masked as teasing. This isn’t harmless humor. It’s a control tactic meant to knock others down. Good people lift others up and make space for them to shine. If someone frequently mocks or shames others to get a laugh or boost their ego, it speaks volumes about their insecurity.
They lie often, even about small things.
Everyone stretches the truth now and then. But if someone lies about things that don’t matter, or you catch them twisting facts regularly, it becomes hard to believe anything they say. Chronic lying is a habit that goes deeper than occasional fibs. It shows a lack of respect for others and a desire to control narratives. Small lies are often used to test boundaries, to see what they can get away with.
They gossip constantly.
We all vent sometimes, but someone who’s constantly spreading drama or tearing people down behind their backs usually thrives on negativity. If every conversation turns into an attack on someone who isn’t there to defend themselves, you have to ask: what do they say about you when you’re not around? Gossip might seem harmless, but over time, it reveals envy, insecurity, and a lack of respect for boundaries.
They only reach out when they need something.
There’s nothing wrong with asking for help. But when someone only shows up when they need a favor, it becomes clear they’re not there for you; they’re there for what you can offer. You’ll notice they go silent until it’s convenient, then suddenly pop in with a request. These one-sided dynamics leave you feeling used and emotionally drained. A good person values you for who you are, not just for what you can do for them.
They’re rude when they’re angry.
Anger is a normal human emotion, but how someone expresses it matters. A person who explodes, yells, insults, or lashes out when frustrated is not safe to be around emotionally. These outbursts can be damaging, especially if they’re followed by silence or guilt trips instead of accountability. Good people still get upset, but they communicate without causingharm. If someone’s default response to conflict is cruelty or intimidation, that’s not someone with strong boundaries.
They take pleasure in others’ failures.
When someone seems happiest when others are struggling, pay attention. If they light up at bad news or love saying “I told you so,” they’re not rooting for anyone but themselves. This isn’t competitiveness, it’s bitterness. Good people feel empathy, even when others succeed where they failed. They can separate their own frustrations from someone else’s journey.
They use guilt to control people.
Guilt is a powerful emotional lever, and manipulative people know exactly how to use it. If someone frequently makes you feel bad for setting boundaries, taking time for yourself, or saying no, they’re not being honest. They’re trying to control you. It may come in the form of passive-aggressive remarks, dramatic reactions, or reminding you of everything they’ve ever done for you. Good people respect your limits. They don’t twist your emotions to get their way.
They lack empathy.
Someone who lacks empathy often seems emotionally cold or dismissive when others are in pain. They might respond to suffering with jokes, indifference, or judgment. They struggle to comfort others or even recognize when support is needed. Good people may not always know the right words, but they show up with compassion.
They make everything about themselves.
You might be telling a story about your bad day, and somehow, they manage to twist it into something about them. People like this dominate conversations, hijack emotional space, and rarely ask follow-up questions about your experiences. Their self-focus can feel exhausting, especially when you’re going through something real, and they still find a way to center themselves.
They’re charming to get what they want.
Some people use charm not as a reflection of genuine warmth, but as a tactic. They’re sweet, attentive, and flattering until you say no. Then their tone shifts, or they disappear entirely. If someone’s kindness only shows up when they need something, that’s not sincerity. That’s manipulation. Real kindness is consistent, even when they’re not getting anything in return.
They isolate people from support systems.
People who aren’t good for you will often try to cut you off from the people who are. It might start with subtle comments, like questioning your friends’ loyalty, criticizing your family, or guilt-tripping you for spending time elsewhere. Eventually, you may find yourself more isolated and more reliant on them for emotional support.
They act differently around different people.
We all adjust a bit depending on the setting, but some people are like chameleons — kind to your face and cruel to others, or respectful with authority but dismissive toward peers. This kind of shape-shifting can be disorienting and make you second-guess what’s real. Inconsistency in personality often reveals someone who’s performing rather than being genuine.
They never try to grow.
Nobody’s perfect, but people who care about doing the right thing reflect on their behavior and make an effort to grow. Someone who never apologizes, never changes, and always sees themselves as right is stuck. They’ll repeat the same harmful patterns and expect you to adjust. Good people learn from mistakes. They listen, evolve, and aim to do better.