Lisa O
Being single isn’t some temporary glitch or a puzzle to solve. It’s just a way some people move through life, either for now or forever. But that doesn’t stop others from making comments that are unhelpful, outdated, or just plain annoying. If someone you know is single, here are 15 things you should probably never say—and what to do instead.
“Why are you still single?”
You may think you’re just expressing surprise, but this lands more like an insult than a compliment. It implies that being single is some kind of problem that needs fixing. Some people are single by choice. Others haven’t met the right person yet, and that’s okay, too. Either way, this question forces them to explain themselves when they shouldn’t have to justify their relationship status to anyone.
“You’re too picky.”
There’s a huge difference between being picky and having standards. Suggesting someone is “too picky” just for not settling sends the wrong message. They’re allowed to want a partner who aligns with their values, lifestyle, and energy. Would you tell someone to buy the first car they test drive? Probably not.
“You’ll find someone when you stop looking.”
It sounds mystical and hopeful, but it’s not that helpful. Most relationships don’t happen because people “gave up.” They happen because someone put themselves out there. Telling someone to stop caring about love doesn’t honor the effort they’re making. Dating can be hard, awkward, frustrating, and hopeful all at once. Recognize that, rather than brushing it off like it’s all just chance and timing.
“Don’t worry, your time will come.”
Maybe it will. Maybe it won’t. Either way, that shouldn’t be the focus. Saying this can feel like telling someone their life is incomplete or on hold until they’re in a relationship. But single people aren’t waiting around for life to start. They’re already living it. A better approach? Talk about what they’re up to now, not what you assume they’re hoping for next.
“I just want you to be happy.”
Sure, it sounds supportive. But it implies that their current life isn’t enough. You may mean well, but linking happiness to a relationship tells them you don’t think they can feel joy without a partner. If they’ve told you they’re content, believe them. If they haven’t, ask open-ended questions instead of layering your own expectations onto their happiness.
“Maybe you’re not trying hard enough.”
Unless they’ve specifically asked for your opinion, this kind of comment can sting. Dating isn’t a test of effort. It’s a mix of timing, chemistry, and sometimes plain luck. Saying someone’s not trying hard enough ignores the emotional energy that goes into putting yourself out there. They might be trying more than you realize, and even if they’re not, that’s their call.
“You’re so lucky to be single.”
Some days, that’s true. Other days, maybe not. But framing singleness as “lucky” often minimizes the reality of what it feels like. It assumes everyone in a relationship is miserable and everyone single is carefree. Neither is always true. If you’re envious of their independence, say that. But don’t brush off their experience by assuming it’s all brunch and self-care Sundays.
“You must be so lonely.”
Loneliness happens, but not only to single people. Some of the loneliest people are in relationships. This comment assumes that without a partner, someone must be emotionally empty, and that’s just not true. Many singles have deep friendships, close family bonds, and fulfilling lives. If you’re concerned about how they’re feeling, ask instead of assuming. And don’t equate being alone with being unhappy.
“Have you tried online dating?”
It’s 2025. They probably have. More than once. This question assumes they haven’t thought of the most obvious modern tool, which can come off as condescending. Unless you have a genuinely unique app or thoughtful insight, it’s better to skip the suggestion. They’ve likely swiped, matched, ghosted, and unmatched more times than they care to count.
“Maybe you’re too independent.”
This one’s subtle but sharp. Being self-sufficient isn’t a flaw. No one should have to shrink their independence to make someone else comfortable. Relationships based on mutual respect don’t require one person to need the other. They thrive when both people can stand alone and still choose to stand together. Independence isn’t what’s keeping someone single. It’s what makes them strong.
“Are you afraid of commitment?”
That’s a loaded assumption. It suggests that if someone’s single, it must be due to fear or avoidance. However, commitment isn’t the only measure of emotional maturity, and not everyone is dodging long-term connections. Some people haven’t met someone they’d like to commit to. Others aren’t looking at all. Rather than diagnosing their love life like a therapist, try just listening.
“All the good ones are taken.”
You might think this sounds relatable, but it’s actually kind of hopeless. If all the “good ones” are already paired up, what does that leave? It also implies that anyone still available must be flawed. That’s obviously not true. Great people are single for all sorts of reasons. It is better to encourage optimism than to reinforce this tired, dead-end idea.
“You’ll change your mind about being single.”
This line can feel dismissive, especially for people who’ve clearly said they’re happy where they are. Not everyone who’s single is secretly hoping to change that. Assuming they’ll eventually “come around” minimizes their current truth. People change, sure. But respect means believing someone when they say they’re content and letting them live out their own timeline, not the one you imagine for them.
“Maybe you need to put yourself out there more.”
This one’s common and often well-intended. But it can sound like criticism if they’ve already been trying. Dating takes energy, vulnerability, and patience. Suggesting they’re not doing enough implies they’re the problem, which isn’t fair. Everyone has their own pace. If they want advice, they’ll ask. Otherwise, support might just mean being a friend who listens.
“You just haven’t met ‘the one’ yet.”
Romance isn’t a fairy tale, and there isn’t always one perfect match waiting around the corner. Love happens in all kinds of ways, and not everyone is searching for some ideal soulmate. Saying this piles on pressure, as if their story isn’t complete without a perfect ending. Let them write their own version, even if it doesn’t follow the traditional plot.