Tiffany Raiford
I was born here, raised here and Iâm raising my family here; Iâve been a Floridian for almost 32 years and I have such a love for the sunshine state. I live in a small city along the Gulf Coast in which life is different. People here live in flip flops, not everyone knows what I mean when I say Iâm wearing Manolos, and our kids have no idea what itâs like not to spend every single weekend on the boat in the middle of the ocean. We have beautiful weather, gorgeous views and everything you could ever want (or not want, if you hate mosquitos, banana spiders, scorpions, snakes and humidity â like the rest of us). We are spoiled and we know it. We live where you vacation; and we love it. But that does not change the fact that there are some serious struggles that Floridians go through, and theyâre tough.
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Getting Dressed in the Winter
Winter in Florida is impossible to dress for. I promise you; itâs in the 50s and 60s when we wake up – sometimes colder when a front comes through â but itâs going to be in the 70s or 80s by noon. This means we have to layer, layer, layer. Otherwise we are just completely under or overdressed and uncomfortable the rest of the day. Itâs such a pain to get dressed this time of the year, and itâs one of the things we hate more than anything.
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Freezing Temperatures
Itâs not easy for us to deal with freezing temps. We have things like citrus trees that will die. We have no idea how to cover our plants, and we just canât function. If we wake up and have frost on our car, we canât figure out what to do. Freezing temperatures are difficult for us, and itâs not just because we have no winter clothes in which to bundle up. We really just donât have the bones to deal with cold weather. Itâs not in our nature.
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Heated Seats in the Car
It was 2007. I was pregnant with our first child and I bought myself a 2008 Lincoln MKX and it changed my life. Iâve had heated seats in my cars most of my adult life since they were introduced, but it was the first time that weâd ever encountered a car with air conditioned seats â and weâve never bought a car without them since. Floridians do not use heated seats often, but we use those air conditioned seats on a daily basis for pretty much the entire year.
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Humidity
Itâs a problem, and itâs a huge problem for us when we hear people from other places whine about their own humidity. Trust me â as someone who travels frequently and has been more places than I can count, no one has humidity like we do. You might think you have a humid day in NYC or in California (PUH-LEASE) but itâs nothing, and I mean nothing, compared to what we deal with around here in terms of humidity. That means listening to you makes us want to roll our eyes.
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Visiting Our Own Beaches
Itâs impossible for Floridians to really enjoy the beach around here. Our beaches seem so old and boring and bland and not at all exciting to us. I live less than 10 minutes from a lovely beach and I havenât been in years. If we want to go to the beach, we head up to the Outer Banks of North Carolina or hop a flight to the Caribbean somewhere in which we feel the beaches are actually nice and the location is actually tropical. We donât feel that way here.
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Tourists
There are a few places across the country that get it, but no one gets it like those of us who need to spend more than 5 minutes in Orlando. Itâs a mess. We love Orlando, and weâre there frequently as annual pass holders at Disney â and because we live less than an hour and a half away. But itâs a mess. There are tourists everywhere and itâs annoying to be stopped constantly by people who canât figure out traffic, maps or English. And when there are so many of them in one small place, it makes you kind of crazy.
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Traffic
You donât get traffic until you get Florida traffic. Youâre either on the interstate with Ferraris flying around you making you feel terrified or youâre in the middle of the road with a tractor in front of you going 5 mph. All the time; itâs life in Florida. We can be held up by school buses, accidents, tractors, horses and retirees driving next to totally parked in the middle of the interstate and thereâs no way around them for what feels like the length of the trip.
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Tornado Warnings
We have no issues with storms here. Theyâre every single day most of the year, and a little thunder and lightning is no big deal. Additionally, there is nothing wrong with a hurricane. We have plenty of notice. But tornadoes are annoying. They happen anytime, they leave very little time for us to prepare and theyâre always when youâre in the middle of something that cannot be stopped. Theyâre usually small and not very dangerous, but theyâre seriously annoying.
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Hurricane Parties
Hurricane parties are real. The struggle for us is figuring out where we want to have them and being separated from people when cell service is down a few days. Our house? Your house? Do we have enough to eat and drink? Do we have enough generators? There are always questions that have to be asked, but we really do have hurricane parties every single time. Do not think for a second anything smaller than a category 3 makes us even remotely nervous.
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Flight Delays in Gorgeous Weather
There is nothing, and I mean nothing, more annoying than heading to the airport for a great vacation and being delayed by weather elsewhere. Ours is gorgeous, but other people have snow storms and things of that nature, and it holds us up in terms of our planes and flights. And that is so annoying itâs not even funny. When Iâm sitting in the middle of the airport looking at the gorgeous blue skies and palm trees outside, I shouldnât be annoyed with weather delays.
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A Serious Lack of Winter Clothes
When winter rolls around for the rest of the country, those of us here like to plan our own winter getaways to escape the December heat and head somewhere cold and wintery. This usually means a Colorado ski vacation, a trip to the mountains for some skiing and snow, or my husbandâs and my favorite, a night or two in New York City for brunch at the Boat House, shopping and cold. What this means for us is a lot of time online and money spent buying real winter clothes, since our winter clothes are only good in Florida.
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Not Being Southern but Feeling Southern
Weâre not southerners, did you know? We are Floridians and there is a big difference. There are some areas around here that are filled with country folk with heavy accents, but we are certainly not considered people from the south and that means we are not overly âaccentedâ or really southern. That doesnât stop us from loving our front porches, our swings, our BBQ and a night on the porch with a glass of wine.
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Publix is Not Everywhere
Floridians know all about Publix. More importantly, we know about the Publix sub. There is no other sub in the world like this, and itâs devastating to us when we have to go somewhere in which there is not a Publix. Where do we shop? Your stores are fine (we particularly love to visit Gelsonâs in Southern California) but itâs all about Publix in Florida. All. About. Publix.
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Parallel Parking Elsewhere
Itâs scary to have to parallel park. We do approximately none of that here to the point that I canât name even one person who was required to do it when we were in high school and taking our driverâs license test. We just didnât have to do it. When we drive out of state, however, and we do have to parallel park, you call tell itâs us just by watching this happen or by driving or walking by afterward. We just canât do it.
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There are No Cabs
There are few places around here with cabs like there are in other big cities in other states. Sure, we can call a cab, but thatâs not helpful after a night out when youâre waiting outside in the rain. Itâs so much easier to get a cab in another city, but we do appreciate the safety and the convenience of them here. Theyâre not convenient, of course, but we appreciate the fact that the thought is there and they could be.
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Not Having a Southern Accent
One of the biggest struggles we face as Floridians is our severe lack of southern accent. In fact, we donât think we have accents at all. Most people have no idea where we are from. We want to be southern, but we are not. Most people assume we are Puerto Rican or Cuban, but we arenât. Many of us have no accent or heritage that makes us obvious where we are from, and itâs kind of sad to many of us.
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People Complaining about Cold
When âoutsidersâ complain about the cold, we want to shut them up. You get cold; we donât. Granted, we couldnât handle it and we only want it for a weekend or so every month, but you get cold. We are lucky if we get a day or two of just fall of spring. Right now itâs the middle of April and itâs been in the upper 80s and low 90s since February. We didnât even get a spring this year. We havenât even gotten to open our windows and enjoy cool breezes and comfortable nights because they do not exist this year. Hereâs hoping we get a little fall to make up for it.
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Halloween Costumes in 90 Degree Temps
Trick or treating, taking the kids out and decorating for the holidays is something we love to do, but itâs hot. So no one really wants to go outside and do it. We have to strategically choose Halloween costumes for our kids that will not suffocate them and make them die of heatstroke, too. Itâs not fun to trick or treat as a teddy bear in 90 degree temps on a Halloween night in Florida. Itâs downright dangerous.
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Yeti Coolers without Wheels
If you live in Florida, you have a boat. If you have a boat, you have a Yeti cooler. If you do not have a Yeti, you areâŚI donât even know what you are. But you have a Yeti as a Floridian. Itâs an insanely expensive cooler that will keep your ice solid and frozen for a solid week â your beer cold â even if you leave it outside in the middle of August. But they donât have wheels. And theyâre really heavy â especially with all that beer. Itâs a real struggle.
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Waiting in Line at the Boat Ramp
Finally; the biggest problem of all. We donât have traffic jams, but we do have to wait in line at the boat ramp since most people arenât into storing their boats in the water (so much work) since we have our choice of both fresh water springs 10 minutes one way and the ocean 10 minutes the other way â or in our own back yards. But the line is killer. People are slow, theyâre annoying and the line is always long. Forget Disney lines â we have fast passes for those. Itâs the line at the boat ramp thatâs irritating to no end.
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