Lisa O
Leaving one’s faith is a deeply personal decision, and it can stir up a lot of different emotions—freedom, fear, relief, confusion, or even guilt. While some people might get it and offer support, others may not fully understand or approach it with empathy. If you’re unsure what to say (or what to avoid), here are 15 things you should never say to someone who’s left their faith.
“You’re just going through a phase.”
This is one of the most dismissive things you can say to someone who’s left their faith. A person may have spent years thinking, questioning, and reflecting on their beliefs. To call it a “phase” trivializes the emotional and intellectual effort it took to make such a decision. Imagine telling someone who’s just started a new career or relationship that it’s just a temporary detour—doesn’t sound fair, does it?
“You’ll regret this someday.”
Regret is a complex emotion, and it’s not for anyone else to predict when it comes to someone’s spiritual journey. Many people who leave their faith report feeling freer and more authentic after making the change. Assuming regret often comes from a place of fear or misunderstanding, as if they’re being steered into a “wrong” path. It also implies that the person hasn’t already considered the potential consequences of their decision.
“You’re lost without it.”
When people leave their faith, they don’t necessarily feel lost. They may be discovering new aspects of themselves and the world around them. In fact, many find a sense of clarity they never had before. Spiritual growth often comes from questioning what you’ve been taught and looking inward. Saying they’re lost implies they can’t function without religious beliefs, but that’s simply not true for everyone.
“You’ll come back eventually.”
This phrase can be a way of saying you don’t truly believe in their decision. It suggests that their current experience is just a temporary hiccup and undermines their growth and learning. Many people who leave their faith do so after years of thought and struggle. Forcing the expectation that they’ll “come back” implies that they haven’t made a final decision.
“You’re just mad at God.”
Anger at a higher power is just one of many reasons people decide to leave their faith. In fact, many people leave because they no longer connect with the teachings, practices, or community that once shaped them. Sometimes, it’s about finding peace with unanswered questions or a growing sense of moral conflict. Reducing the entire decision to “anger” oversimplifies the deeply personal nature of spiritual change.
“You were never really a believer.”
Just because someone changes their beliefs doesn’t mean they were never genuine in their previous faith. People evolve, and that’s totally normal. They might’ve had deep, heartfelt beliefs at one point, only to realize their understanding or needs had shifted. Saying they weren’t sincere invalidates everything they’ve gone through and suggests they were just pretending.
“You’re making a huge mistake.”
This is a judgment call that no one has the right to make about another person’s life. It assumes that the individual lacks the wisdom or understanding to make their own decisions. The truth is, many people who leave their faith feel they are making one of the most empowering and honest decisions of their lives. Telling them they’re making a mistake doesn’t acknowledge the personal strength it takes to walk away from something so deeply embedded in one’s identity.
“What’s next? Will you become an atheist?”
Spirituality isn’t a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. Just because someone steps away from a particular religion doesn’t mean they’re automatically looking for a new label like “atheist” or “agnostic.” Maybe they’re exploring a different spiritual path. Putting them into a box with a label oversimplifies their journey and misses the many ways people reshape their beliefs.
“You’re going to hell.”
Telling someone they’re doomed because of their spiritual choices is not only hurtful, but it can also create unnecessary fear and shame. It’s a very rigid view that doesn’t take into account the diversity of human experience. Most people who leave their faith have spent a great deal of time considering their beliefs, and such a comment can make them feel alienated and misunderstood.
“You’ll never be happy without your faith.”
This statement assumes that happiness can only be found within one specific religious framework, but the truth is, happiness is different for everyone. Many people find peace and joy in ways that don’t rely on traditional religious beliefs. When someone leaves their faith, they often discover new ways to feel fulfilled—whether it’s through personal growth, new experiences, or deeper relationships.
“You’re weak for leaving.”
Leaving one’s faith takes a ton of courage, especially when it means going against family, community, or societal expectations. It’s far from a sign of weakness—you can think of it as an act of self-empowerment. People who walk away from their faith are often doing so to live more authentically and align their lives with what truly matters to them.
“You should have known better.”
It’s easy to think someone should’ve made a different decision because of your own perspective, but everyone’s journey is unique. What seems obvious to you might not be the case for them. It’s important to remember they’ve likely put a lot of thought into their choice, and shaming them for it just doesn’t help. People learn and grow at their own pace so respecting that process is important.
“Why did you even believe in the first place?”
You cannot ask such questions as they are offensive and ignore a person’s past experiences. Faith is about finding meaning, connection, and purpose, not about blindly following any religion. For many, their previous beliefs were real and meaningful to them. Even if they’ve moved on, it’s important to acknowledge what those beliefs meant at the time.
“You’re just following the crowd.”
People usually leave their faith after a lot of personal reflection, not just because they’re following trends. Sure, some might be influenced by what’s happening around them, but most people who walk away from a religion have deeply personal reasons rooted in introspection and a genuine search for truth. It’s also important to remember that the crowd isn’t always on the same page—they don’t have the same motivations or beliefs.
“Your life will never be the same again.”
Yes, leaving a faith can bring about big changes, but that doesn’t automatically mean those changes are bad. In fact, a lot of people who leave their religion say they feel more liberated, more aligned with who they really are, and at peace with their spiritual identity. Instead of framing it as something tragic, try seeing it as a step toward personal discovery.