Lisa O
The thing about being a new parent is that everyone seems to have an opinion or a comment about how you’re doing things. While not all of these remarks are meant to be rude or bothersome, hearing the same ones over and over can get pretty annoying. So, here are things you should definitely avoid saying to new parents.
“You’re Doing It All Wrong.”
Parenting doesn’t come with a one-size-fits-all manual. New parents are figuring things out as they go, and it’s their own unique journey. Criticizing their methods can knock their confidence and make them feel like they’re failing. Research shows that positive encouragement is way better for building up their confidence and skills. Instead of pointing out what they’re doing wrong—try offering friendly advice or sharing your own experiences.
“I Had It Worse When I Had My Kids.”
Every parenting journey is different, with its own ups and downs. Comparing your past struggles to what they’re dealing with now just makes their challenges feel less important. Research shows that listening with empathy and giving validation is much more supportive. Share your own experiences in a way that respects what they’re going through right now without making it all about you.
“Are You Sure You’re Ready for This?”
Asking this question can really shake a new parent’s confidence and make them feel like they’re not ready for the challenge. Studies show that feeling confident or having strong parental self-efficacy is crucial for effective parenting. Instead of doubting their readiness—try offering support and encouragement to help them feel more secure in their new role.
“You’re Spoiling the Baby.”
New parents often stress about spoiling their baby by responding to every cry and need. But actually, taking care of a baby’s needs right away is super important for their emotional and physical growth. Research shows that being responsive helps build a strong bond and trust. Let them know that their instinct to comfort and care is actually a great part of parenting.
“Just Wait Until They’re Teenagers.”
This comment takes the spotlight off the joys and challenges they’re facing right now and puts it on future problems. It can make their current experiences feel overshadowed by worries about what’s coming next. Research shows that focusing on positive reinforcement and celebrating their current achievements is way more helpful. Stay focused on the here and now, and offer support for what they’re dealing with today.
“You Look Tired.”
New parents are usually running on barely any sleep, and mentioning how tired they look can come off as a criticism. Instead of pointing out their exhaustion, offer to help in practical ways, like bringing over a meal or taking the baby for a walk. Research shows that real help is way more effective in dealing with sleep deprivation than just talking about it.
“Are You Breastfeeding or Bottle-Feeding?”
This question can make parents feel super uncomfortable—especially if they’re worried about being judged for how they’re feeding their baby. Studies show that it’s important to support parents no matter what method they choose. Instead of questioning their decisions, just offer your support and encouragement. Both breastfeeding and bottle-feeding have their perks, so just back up their choice.
“They’re Just Crying for Attention.”
Babies cry to let us know they need something, not just for attention. Saying otherwise can make new parents second-guess their instincts and feel frustrated. Research shows that crying is a normal part of baby development and usually means they’re hungry or uncomfortable. Instead of brushing off their cries, help them figure out what their baby might need and offer your support.
“You Should Get Out More.”
New parents are usually swamped and might not have the energy or interest for social activities. Suggesting they should be out and about can just add to their stress. Instead, offer to come over, help with chores, or just lend a listening ear. Research shows that emotional support and practical help work way better than pushing them to socialize.
“You’ll Regret Not Having a Nanny or Babysitter.”
Every family has its own needs and resources. Suggesting they need a nanny or babysitter can make parents feel like they’re not doing enough or like they have to meet others’ expectations. Research shows that having a solid support network of family and friends can be just as effective, if not better, than hiring extra help. Support their choices and offer help in ways that work for them.
“Your Baby Should Be Sleeping Through the Night by Now.”
Baby sleep patterns can be all over the place, and milestones can vary a lot from one baby to another. Pressuring parents about their baby’s sleep can just add to their stress during a tough time. Research highlights that every baby’s sleep development is unique. It’s more helpful to support parents through the ups and downs than to set strict expectations.