Lisa O
Getting into a new relationship after a breakup can be tricky, especially if emotional ties to an ex aren’t fully resolved. Sometimes, people may start fresh without entirely letting go of their past, which can impact a new relationship. If you’re noticing certain behaviors or patterns, it could be a sign that your partner isn’t fully over their ex. Here are 15 subtle signs to look out for, along with advice on how to handle them.
They Bring Up Their Ex Often
If your partner frequently brings up their ex in conversations, especially without prompting, it may mean they’re still emotionally attached. Talking about past relationships is natural, but a constant mention can signal unresolved feelings. Let your partner know how you feel and ask for more focus on the present relationship.
They Seem Overly Interested in Their Ex’s Life
Staying in touch with an ex on social media is common, but if your partner seems overly concerned about what their ex is doing, it may be a red flag. Checking in occasionally is one thing, but constant interest suggests lingering feelings. Gently address this behavior and express your desire for their attention to be focused on your relationship.
They Avoid Talking About the Breakup
If your partner seems hesitant or uncomfortable discussing their past breakup, it may be a sign they haven’t fully processed it. A healthy relationship often requires closure on past relationships. Encourage them to open up and talk honestly about any lingering emotions so you can both move forward more confidently.
They’re Still in Frequent Contact with Their Ex
While staying friends with an ex isn’t necessarily a problem, frequent communication might indicate an emotional attachment. If your partner is constantly texting or calling their ex, it could mean they’re having trouble letting go. Discuss your comfort level with this relationship and set boundaries that work for both of you.
They Compare You to Their Ex
Being compared to an ex can be hurtful and can create feelings of inadequacy. If your partner mentions their ex in comparison to you—whether positively or negatively—it’s a sign they may still be mentally attached to the past. Gently remind them that every relationship is unique and that comparisons are unfair to both of you.
They Keep Old Photos or Mementos on Display
It’s understandable to keep a few memories from the past, but if your partner has photos or mementos of their ex in visible places, it could mean they’re struggling to let go. Ask them if they’re open to storing these items away, as it can be a small but significant step in moving forward with you.
They Get Emotional When Talking About Their Ex
If your partner becomes overly emotional—angry, sad, or nostalgic—when talking about their ex, they might still be processing unresolved feelings. These emotions can affect your current relationship, so encourage them to work through these feelings in a healthy way, either through open conversation or even therapy if necessary.
They Haven’t Updated Their Social Media
When someone’s social media still features old photos or posts with their ex, it can be a sign they’re holding onto that part of their life. Updating social media doesn’t mean erasing the past, but moving forward often involves making a conscious choice to focus on the present.
They Avoid Introducing You to Certain Friends or Family
If your partner hesitates to introduce you to people who knew them as a couple, they may be concerned about how you’ll be perceived compared to their ex. This hesitation might indicate that they’re worried others aren’t over the ex either. Encourage open discussions and gently remind them that you’re interested in knowing all aspects of their life.
They Downplay the Relationship With You
If your partner seems hesitant to label your relationship or downplays its significance, it could mean they’re still attached to their past. People who haven’t fully moved on may avoid commitment as a way of keeping emotional distance. Talk openly about where you both see the relationship heading to ensure you’re on the same page.
They Use Their Ex as a Benchmark
If your partner frequently references their ex as the “standard” for a relationship or talks about “how things used to be,” it’s a sign that they’re idealizing their past relationship. Holding onto an idealized view of the past can hinder your current connection. Kindly remind them that every relationship is unique and deserves its own appreciation.
They Still Have Joint Commitments With Their Ex
Joint commitments, like shared bills, leases, or pets, can make it difficult to fully move on. If your partner hasn’t madesteps to disentangle themselves from their ex, it could be holding them back emotionally. Have an honest conversation about whether these commitments are affecting your relationship and discuss ways to establish boundaries.
They’re Defensive or Sensitive About Their Ex
If your partner becomes defensive or unusually sensitive when you ask about their ex, it could indicate unresolved emotions. Healthy relationships allow for open discussions about the past without heightened defensiveness. Approach the topic gently, emphasizing that your goal is understanding, not criticism.
They Don’t Seem Fully Invested in the Relationship
If you sense that your partner is holding back emotionally, it may be because they’re still preoccupied with their ex. When people haven’t fully moved on, they can struggle to invest in new relationships wholeheartedly. Have an honest discussionto see if they’re ready to move forward with you.
They Say They’re “Over It,” But Their Actions Say Otherwise
Sometimes, people convince themselves they’re over an ex, even if their behavior suggests otherwise. If your partner insists they’ve moved on but consistently shows signs that contradict this, it may indicate unresolved feelings. Be patient but clear about your expectations, and encourage them to reflect on their own emotional readiness.