Lisa O
Friendships tend to shift a lot, especially through junior high, high school, and college. But if a friend is giving you more grief and confusion than good times and support, it might be time to move on. You don’t need a Regina George hanging around. It can be super tricky to spot a fake friend, so here are ten signs someone might not be your friend.
They Never Want to Hang Out
Your friend should actually want to hang out with you. If getting them to spend time with you feels like pulling teeth, they probably don’t value your company as much as you value theirs. A real friend will make time for you. At the very least, they should be upfront about why they can’t hang out and not keep canceling at the last minute.
They Only Reach Out When It’s Convenient for Them
Some friends seem happy to hang out, but only if you’re always the one making plans or joining them for group activities. If you’re starting to feel like you’re just a backup plan, it’s a good idea to have a chat about it. Tell them how you’re feeling. A real friend will listen and give you a good reason for their distance. They’ll be open to fixing things if they genuinely care about the friendship.
Everything Always Revolves Around Them
In the long run, being friends with selfish people can be tough. Psychologist Amanda Rose says that craving the spotlight often comes from insecurity, but it usually backfires. They’re seeking attention, but their behavior ends up pushing people away, so they don’t get what they’re after. If your friend constantly makes everything about them and only talks about their own life, you might end up feeling pretty used.
They’re Always Taking but Never Giving
If you see that your friend always says no to hangouts and only contacts you when they need a ride or want to borrow your new curling iron, they might be using you. Also, if you’re always the one listening, giving advice, and comforting them, but they never do the same for you, it could be a big sign that they’re not really looking out for you.
They Keep Blabbing Your Secrets
It’s okay if your friend accidentally lets a secret slip every now and then. But if they’re always sharing stuff you told them in confidence, it’s a sign they might not be that trustworthy. They’re not being considerate of your feelings. And if you keep seeing this, it might be time to rethink if this friendship is really working for you.
They Put You Down and Make You Feel Bad
Friends should be our biggest cheerleaders. But sometimes, jealousy turns some so-called friends into frenemies. They might be competitive and sneaky, giving backhanded compliments, being sarcastic, or making snide comments. Instead of celebrating your wins, they seem smug or even a little pleased when things don’t go well for you. Do you really want this kind of friend in your life?
They’re Nice but Never Really Open Up
Some people treat friendships like they’re on a sliding scale, but we think that’s just an excuse for shallow connections. Psychologists say that if conversations stay super surface-level, it’s a sign there’s no real intimacy. Small talk is fine when you’re just getting to know someone, but real friendships go beyond that. They involve talking about deeper issues, life events, and more meaningful topics.
The Effort Feels Totally One-Sided
While no friendship is a perfect 50-50 split, it should still feel like a pretty balanced give-and-take. When it’s not, issues start to pop up. For instance, you might put them on a pedestal while they just use you. Friendships where one person is putting in way more effort than the other aren’t healthy or sustainable.
They Vanish When Things Get Tough
Having fun together is definitely one of the best parts of friendship. Those times when you’re laughing super hard or getting into the juicy details of their new romance are great. But life isn’t always about having a blast, and psychology says that feeling supported is a big part of quality relationships. If your friends are there when everything’s going well but disappear when you’re going through a rough patch, they’re not real friends.
You Can’t Be Yourself Around Them
If you feel like you have to fake who you are or pretend to be someone you’re not around, a friend—they’re not a true friend. Psychologists say that being authentic is crucial for building real and fulfilling friendships. Without it, you’ll never feel truly seen or accepted. If they’re pushing you to do things you don’t want to do or bringing out sides of you that you don’t like, it’s a red flag.