Lisa O
The older we get, the younger we feel about love and relationships. Many of the dating rules we grew up with no longer apply. If you’re in your 50s and looking to navigate the unique world of dating over 50, forget what you know and break free from the outdated, stiff norms of traditional dating. Here are 20 relationship rules you should confidently toss out after 50.
Waiting for “The One”
This old myth of waiting for the perfect partner keeps us from seeking potentially rewarding relationships. Don’t pine for the one that may never come. There are plenty of compatible people who share your beliefs, hobbies, and life aspirations and who are looking for a special person like you. Accept the truth that there are many possible partners out there who could make you happy for a long time. Keep your heart and mind open for such people.
Playing Hard to Get
Playing hard to get, or even just plain coy, to get someone’s attention is an old dating game that’s better left behind. Now is not the time to act shy or submit to traditional games of mixed signals. The new rule is honesty is the best policy. If you like someone, don’t hesitate, or you’ll miss out on an opportunity for love. Take a deep breath and step up to the plate. Go for it!
Sticking to Traditional Gender Roles
Who says men have to always pursue and women must wait to be pursued? You’ve lived half a century and have the right to know your own heart and mind and speak out effectively. Don’t hesitate to pursue love and relationships when the situation calls for it. Traditional male-female roles are outdated and can hurt or hinder both parties. Equality and mutual respect are the new rules, so don’t be afraid to venture out of the box.
Settling for Less Than You Deserve
Now that you’re navigating the dating scene in your 50s, you have so much more experience; you know yourself better and your worth, too. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t make you feel worthy, appreciated, or loved. You deserve a companion who respects your boundaries, encourages your hopes and dreams, and sees you as the worthy and talented person you are. Don’t be afraid to walk away from anything less than that.
Rushing Into Commitment
Of course, everyone wants to find that special someone to spend the rest of their life with, but rushing into commitments can lead to heartache and pain. Take time to really get to know someone before you start making forever promises or declarations of undying love. Let the relationship develop, and trust your instincts. A strong foundation of friendship, trust, and compatibility is best before plunging full steam into commitments.
Ignoring Red Flags
As you get older, you’re supposed to get wiser. So when you spot a red flag, don’t ignore it or make excuses for someone’s questionable behavior or motives. Listen to your inner warnings and observe patterns or actions that make you uncomfortable. Don’t delude yourself into thinking things will change when they clearly won’t. Address issues and concerns as they arise, and don’t invest too much time and energy on the wrong people.
Comparing Your Relationship to Others
Liz and Greg, Sally and Jack, Bill and Cindy. You get the picture. Every relationship is different and unique to the people involved, so comparisons are pointless and meaningless. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you need to mirror the relationships of your friends or family to be happy with your relationship status.
Prioritizing Chemistry Over Compatibility
Chemistry and some level of physical attraction are necessary in relationships, but they shouldn’t be everything. Now in your 50s, consider what qualities and traits are most important in a lifelong partner and choose compatibility, shared values, and emotional connection as your top priorities. A strong friendship, trust, and compatibility will carry a relationship much further than chemistry after the flames have died down.
Neglecting Self-Care and Personal Growth
As you enter the dating scene, remember not to neglect your own needs and desires. Maintain a strong sense of self and continue nurturing your passions, hobbies, friendships, and the many wonderful things of life that make you you. A great relationship adds quality and quantity to your life but shouldn’t take over it.
Tolerating Disrespect or Mistreatment
Now, at this age, you can’t afford the time or energy to waste on a relationship that makes you feel small, unloved, or unworthy. So if your partner disrespects you, dismisses your feelings, or in any way mistreats you, draw your boundaries firmly and walk away. You deserve kindness, compassion, and respect from anyone you choose to spend your time and heart with. Never settle for less than you deserve.
Settling for a Lackluster Intimate Life
Just because your age is ticking higher up there in the 50s doesn’t mean you have to settle for a lackluster or boring intimate life. Be sensual and sexually vibrant. Don’t be afraid to voice your needs and desires to your partner, explore new ways to connect intimately, and prioritize physical and emotional connections in your relationship. A healthy intimate life can bring joy, connection, and vitality at any age.
Sacrificing Your Independence
As you start a new relationship, remember not to sacrifice your independence and autonomy. Of course, you’ll want to spend quality time with your partner, but don’t sacrifice your own interests, friendships, and pursuits. A great relationship allows for two individuals to prosper independently as well as together. So encourage each other to shine in your separate and combined talents and savor your own unique personalities and qualities.
Ignoring Financial Compatibility
Money issues are one of the biggest stressors and arguments in relationships and can be even more complicated when you’re focusing on your finances in your 50s. Don’t be afraid to communicate clearly and openly about your financial goals, habits, and expectations. Look for a partner with similar values regarding money and spend time working together to build a stable and secure future.
Neglecting the Importance of Friendship
As you develop a romantic relationship with someone, don’t neglect the importance of friendship. A strong bond of camaraderie, shared laughter, and emotional support can carry you through any difficulty. So nurture a deep and abiding friendship with your partner that goes beyond physical attraction and passion. Spend time together just being, talking about hopes, dreams, and (as always) laughter.
Allowing Fear to Hold You Back
The dating scene in your 50s, whether you’ve been divorced or simply never married, can be scary, especially if you’ve been hurt before. But don’t allow fear to prevent you from opening your heart to new people and possibilities. Instead, draw from your wisdom and resilience as you step into the dating world. Remember, every wonderful or terrible experience you’ve ever had has led you to where you are today. So be brave and take a leap of faith.
Neglecting the Power of Communication
Communication is key to any successful relationship, and as you enter the dating scene as a mature adult, it becomes even more important. Don’t be afraid to voice out your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and openly. Encourage your partner to do the same and create an atmosphere of trust and active listening. When conflicts arise, respond with empathy, patience, and a willingness to understand and compromise.
Ignoring the Importance of Shared Values
As you seek out a lifelong partner, remember to consider your core beliefs and values. Seek someone whose outlook on life, moral compass, and aspirations for the future align with yours. While differences can add spice and growth to a relationship, a solid shared base of similar values can give you a sense of togetherness and direction. Don’t settle for less than you believe in or for less than what you deem important.
Neglecting the Role of Family and Friends
As you embark on a new relationship, don’t forget the people who mattered in your life before. Your family and friends stick by your side through good times and bad, and their opinions and views are valuable. Introduce your partner to your loved ones and share your life with them. A partner who accepts and respects your family and friends is worth keeping because they know their place in your life.
Settling for a Lack of Emotional Intimacy
While physical closeness is essential in building intimacy, emotional attachment is what holds the relationship together. Don’t compromise on something that lacks vulnerability, deep connection, and openness. Find a partner who is willing to share hopes, dreams, and fears in a safe and nonjudgmental space. Build a bond where you can be yourselves and feel heard, understood, and loved.
Failing to Embrace Forgiveness and Growth
Conflicts and mistakes can never be avoided in any relationship. But resentment or an inability to forgive can destroy the love and trust in you as a couple. Learn to forgive, see challenges as opportunities for growth, and build a stronger connection. Apologize when you’re at fault and extend the same courtesy and consideration to your partner.